The 6 Most Annoying Things About Old People

oldpeople

Let me just preface all this by saying there are several old people I know that I’m quite fond of in the same way that there are several middle-aged people I like and one or two teenagers I like and even some kids that I don’t mind being around. But, as a general group, old people are very annoying.

I do realize that it won’t be long before I’m old and annoying – by heck, some people already think I’m old and annoying – so I should be more compassionate and respect my elders and everything. And, please understand that I’m almost always superficially kind to old people no matter how annoying they’re being.

  1. You can’t tell the elderly anything. By virtue of having lived forever, they know it all, and have solidly immutable, and often completely bat-shit carzy opinions on absolutely everything. (They’re kind of like teenagers that way.) The other day one of my neighbours was waiting for the #148 bus at Billings Bridge. With scheduling still all messed up there wasn’t going to be a #148 for at least 3 ½ more hours. I told him this and pointed to the large, revised schedule posted in front of him, but he wouldn’t believe me. Along with the posted schedule, the interim schedule has been advertised in every possible format for weeks. The normal time for the #148 to have come was long gone. But he knew what he knew. I suggested he take the other bus with me so he’d get home before dark, but he refused telling me I was totally wrong. Fine, rot in the bus shelter old man. (I didn’t say this out loud. See how kind I can be?)
  2.  Old people should not be allowed to shop for their own groceries. They can’t reach anything, they can’t read the ingredient lists, they don’t understand why there are no price tags on anything anymore and they take forever in the check-out lines. They only buy 3 items at a time because that’s all they can carry, but it takes them a good half hour to discuss each item’s price with the cashier; search for their wallet; search for the money in their wallet like it’s the first time they’ve ever used the thing; count out change to the penny (usually getting it wrong the first 3 or 4 times, thus having to start all over); and then putting everything back to where it belongs (very slowly) and looking through their grocery bag to make sure they have everything, all whilst standing in front of the cashier  so she can’t carry on with the next person.
  3.  Old people and cars are a lethal combination.  It always scares the crap out of me to see some doddering old couple shuffle their way to a parking lot and spend much of what’s left of their precious time on earth trying to remember where they left their giant boat of a car. Then they do the endless, fumbling search for their keys. Then it takes them ever so long to get the key into the lock.  They always, but always have some tiny item to put into the trunk, too, so they have to go through the whole procedure with 2 locks. By the time they finally get themselves actually into the car, several small Slavic countries have changed names at least twice. Now these people are on the road! Cruising along at 20 kmp. Running into posts and kids (Never into other old people, funnily enough). Oblivious to red lights, stop signs, yield signs and cross-walks.
  4.  Old people think that just because they’re old they’re automatically interesting. So they tell you their 5 stories over and over and over again every time they see you. And none of the stories are the least bit interesting. Probably, they’ve done some interesting stuff in their lives. They couldn’t have only done 5 things in 80 years, now could they have? But, it seems they’ve conveniently forgotten all the good stuff. My theory is because the good stuff doesn’t fit in with their image of themselves as the upholders of righteousness and moral fibre.
  5. Old people are always on the lookout for some misdemeanor to bring to the attention of the authorities.  They’re forever calling the police on stuff like kids not walking on the side of the road facing traffic. Or alerting the postmaster general when their mail is delayed by more than 10 minutes. Or complaining to the condo board because they can’t sleep because someone’s cat is purring too loudly. And those who have computers only get them so they can call the help desk every day to complain about how the machine isn’t doing what they want it to. They only go to restaurants because they’re always guaranteed a rich minefield of  complainables in restaurants.
  6.  The elderly are rude. There, I’ve said it. So sue me. Old people pretend not to understand the concept of taking turns. They blithely jump queues on buses or in stores. They interrupt cashiers or restaurant servers who are busy with someone else, and demand to have their problem seen to immediately. They push and poke and prod people with all their sticks and carts and wheelie thingies. And they get away with it all because who’s going to call out some old person? Kids, that’s who. Once when my daughter was little, we were waiting in line for something and some old lady shoved my daughter to the ground in an effort to get in line in front of us. My daughter, very indignantly yelled, “HEY! That old lady pushed me down!” Everyone glared at the woman. In your face you old bat. No, I didn’t say that out loud either.

Despite it all, I enjoy having old people around. They make me feel young and sprightly and superior. And that’s something no amount of money can buy.

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91 responses to “The 6 Most Annoying Things About Old People

  1. Aaah, excellent. Agree with every word. But only six? You could write a whole book.

    One more suggestion: old people always think the next generation is “Ruined”. Every Christmas on seeing his granchildrens’ Christmas presents, my Papa would bleat on about how all he got was an orange for Christmas..AND he had to share that with his two brothers. What a crock! He wasn’t a kid in a Victorian workhouse, for goodness sake!

    I think a lot of what they do is a big joke on us. Next time you see an old lady queue jumping, watch her eyes. I guarantee that they are meeting with another oldie across the shop/bus/bank, and there is a slight smirk on both their faces. They are yanking our chains, the lot of ‘em.

  2. Can I add two things?

    1) Being obsessed with the clock. Going to bed at 22:08h each and every day. Calling you at the exact same time each day. Being (at least) an hour early for every appointment, the train, whatever.

    2) Being scared. Of driving a car at night, going a different way, trying a new restaurant, leaving your apartment.

  3. #3 and #4 are very true.

    #3 – I have a friend who’s grand parents should not have been driving. One time, with his brother in the car, they went the wrong way on the street. Talk about a hazard.

    #4 – I can see that my mom is slowly getting this. Every time we drive by this building she says “this is were I used to live” or another place “Ooo I used to go to this restaurant and just hang out there with a bottle of coke for hours”

    Ugh.

  4. #7. When have you ever seen an ‘elderly’ driver that doesn’t parade a handicapped sticker in their windshield?

  5. Crikey! I guess a good rant is therapeutic; but this just makes me sad. Especially when all the comments are from those jumping on the bandwagon.

    At what age do you think old people should just be disposed of, or simply put away somewhere, so you wouldn’t have to be inconvenienced by them?

  6. I really like some old people. Especially the dirty old men. It cracks me up when they get all suggestive and they are like, 90 years old.

    There is more thing to mention. That is the smell. When we were house hunting, we could always tell if old people lived there by the smell of, well, not having cracked a window open for several years. Bleach.

  7. I like and respect most elderly people. I’ve volunteered in retirement homes and hospitals and quite enjoy their wisdom and anecdotes. I find it really disgusting that North America doesn’t value their elders more because there’s quite a bit you could learn from them.

    Of course, that being said, some of them are old, evil, prejudiced bastards who can be rude and impatient, but there will always be some jerks like that in all age groups.

    If I had to pick whether to hang out with a bunch of loud teenagers or a group of old people, I’d pick the old people. :)

  8. MisssyM – Well, I could probably write a whole book on things people of any age do that are annoying. I had to share my Christmas orange with 4 siblings, by the way.

    Gila – Your first thing sounds a little like me. I’m always way early for everything and I’m very clock obessive. I do believe I wrote a post on this once. I’m not scared of stuff though, so I guess I’m okay for now.

    Becky – I wonder when that happens that you get to where you like things to be the same every day? Whenever I visit mum I like to take her out somewhere for a nice meal, but it’s impossible to find a place anymore where she doesn’t think the food is weird and “doesn’t taste right” and “isn’t what she’s used to”. So, it’s Swiss Chalet or nothing.

    A&J – I had to laugh at your #4 – I do that on purpose to my daughter every time we visit my home town. It drives her crazy, so I point out every place I ever ate, drank, lived, shopped, visited and thought about – over and over. Every time.

    Kathryn – I never paid attention. I always assumed if they have a handicapped sticker then they came by it honestly.

    Nancy – Yes. The post was meant to be just in fun, but I can see some people are taking it quite seriously. That IS sad. I could have easily come up with 6 annoying things about middle-aged people or 30-something people (actually, I think I might do that next). For the record, and as I started out saying I have nothing more or less against the elderly than I have against any other age group. There are wonderful, brilliant, funny, charming older people and grumpy cantankerous old people just like there are grumpy cantankerous young people and wonderful, brilliant, funny and charming young people. I’m very sorry that my intentions with this post have been misunderstood.

    Meanie – Me too! People are people regardless of age. If they’re nasty when they’re young, they’re going to be nasty when they’re old. If they’re cool people when they’re young they’re going to be cool people when they’re old. If they’re smelly when they’re young….I think the smell thing has a lot to do with illness, the medications they’re on, wasting away and, as you say not opening windows because they can’t really take the cold anymore. We’re all going to be there one day.

    Hannah – I agree. But then again, North America doesn’t value most of its people. It sure doesn’t value kids judging by the horrible things that are done to them and the insignificant sentence their tormentors get. Or how many of our children we allow to live in poverty. We don’t value anyone who isn’t movie star gorgeous and svelte. We don’t value anyone who isn’t rich and famous. So why would we value the elderly? We’re a very superficial bunch. And if it was a toss up between a group of old people and a group of teenagers? I would have a very difficult time choosing.

  9. What you had a whole orange to share! Sheer luxury, when i was young we used to get nothing but gravel to eat and we liked it that way.
    I may be killed by the C.A.A.R.P. swat team but I’ll let you all in on a secret. We are retired and have all the time in the world. We waste ours and your time because we can.
    When there are no younguns around we have a complete hoot, driving fast, gambling, drinking, sex, and most especially regaling each other with tales of how many newbies we pissed off lately.
    Hang in there with any luck some of you can join us some day.
    I have to go now We have a senior skating session at the local rink twice a week at 10 am. This of course means children have to play either at 5 am or midnight but so what.
    Oh by the way we own everything too especially the government.

  10. Too funny. I wprk in a retirement home and point #6 hit home with me. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to let rudeness roll off my back.

  11. I have an aunt who does the repetition thing. The same stories, over and over and over again. And she’s never gotten to the point of most of them since she goes off on tangents that have nothing to do with the story, which makes the stories last for HOURS. This being said, she’s a sweetheart. But damn, if ever I become like her, someone please shoot me.

    Oh and Bandobras’ comment! Brilliant!

  12. I love old people for ALL those reasons, and can’t wait to be one! But I will go head to head with em in the meantime.

    Oddly enough my Nan, who would have been 95 this coming March 14th, would agree with you 110%. The only people she disliked and trusted LESS than politicians are the eldery. And trust me she had a long list of people she didn’t like. Actually the ‘Like List’ was actually the easier, smaller list. My Parents, My Uncle, his girlfriend, his dog, me, my boyfriend and my two nieces. Pretty much every other remaining human being on the planet was suspect. And THAT is why we were so close, and why I love her.

    More than the fact that I cannot wait to be one of those uber annoying old people, I cannot wait to become EXACTLY like my Nan… and truth be told I’d say I’m about 65% through that transition already. I’ve pretty much hit 5 of your 6 points…

    1. You can’t tell me anything. … well ok you CAN I just don’t listen…

    2. I should not be allowed to shop for their own groceries. … not because I’m slow and annoying at the checkout but because everybody else is in my flipping way and I will have to run them down.

    3. I’m interesting… (heh) not really but I could get there with a couple double gin n tonics.

    4. I’m always on the lookout for some misdemeanour… Not to call the cops but so I can go Postal on their asses.

    5. I am rude. ..Hey wait I so fucking am not!

  13. I know you were trying to be funny, but this post makes me miss my grandmothers. :(

    I hope I can be like my them…They didn’t fit your “stereotypes.” They were feisty in a polite way. They grew up in a time when women weren’t encouraged to speak in public, let alone run for president. They were a little goofy at times, but inside their stories were kernels of truth that I hope to never forget.

    I’m really glad that Claire got to meet at least one of them. Seeing how awesome it was for my daughter talk on the phone to my grandmother was something that is so hard to explain.

    We both miss those phone calls. :(

    *sigh*

  14. Hey XUP, I’m just dropping in here to tell you that where I am visiting gringos in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, there are a ton of Canadians. This is a beautiful old city full of art and gringos and spanish/english menus and who woulda thunk it, Canadians. the friend I’m visiting is having me do a reading tomorrow night at her house (of my stories,etc, not of their palms) and 25 of the people attending are Canadian. so get down here! all I’m sayin…

  15. oops, (P.S.) I forgot to relay the point (of course).
    Most of the Canadians here are geezers. I don’t know why? retirees, I guess.

  16. Bandobras – Gravel? Bah! Spoiled brats. We prayed for gravel, but all we got was a poke in the eye with a sharp stick and we’d get down on our knees and thank our parents for it. Also, I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re not officially old enough to be considered elderly yet.

    Sky Girl – Sometimes when you’re old and have lost most of your freedom and can’t get around very well any more and have to depend on strangers for almost everything and live with aches and pains 24/7 it’s hard to be polite. Or maybe they were just born rude. Who knows.

    Jazz – If people had shot me every time I said, “if I ever……, just shoot me and then later ended up being or doing the very thing I had asked to be shot for, I would be dead many times over.

    RealGrouchy – I don’t share most of these conclusions with myself. I’d just gotten back from the grocery store during the day in the middle of the week when the place is totally populated by seniors. I had such a fun time watching them do all their stereotypical old people stuff, I was inspired to write this list. It was done in the spirit of fun. And tomorrow I’m doing the same thing for youngsters. I’m an equal opportunity insulter.

    Kitty – I know you’re going to make a fine old lady. I can’t wait to be one either. I’m going to do all this stuff and watch young people get exasperated. I practice on my daughter all the time because she already thinks I’m ancient.

    CP – Yes, it was all done in fun and like Kitty said, I think a lot of older people would probably agree. Tomorrow I’ll do younger people just to even things out. This post makes me think of my mum, too. My daughter talks to her on the phone every Sunday. They always seem to have a lot to talk about. Mostly me I think.

    Laura – Stop taunting me with your warm, sunny fun times. It’s minus 28 or something here today. I can’t wait to be a geezer so I can spend my winters somewhere warm.

  17. You haven’t seen a really rude older person, especially a woman, until you have battled with them in France. They are something else. I’m getting old and cranky myself these days so I’m sure younger people will be wondering about me one of these days. Have you seen Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood? Talk about a cranky old man.

  18. I laugh when listening to some of the people in seniors’ homes complaining about each other – especially “those old ladies” who are probably only a few years older than they are.

  19. What? I didn’t mean to imply old people should be locked away!

    My two comments were about my mom, who happened to drive me insane just 5 minutes before I read XUP’s post. In all fairness, she’s only 60, so not really old at all… but was just telling me she wouldn’t pick up my brother from the airport because trying to find the right terminal scares her, and there are signs everywhere, and there was always construction going on, and no way would she do it without my dad…

    I suggested she just hands in her license. She didn’t think that was funny. Or fair. I wonder why?

    I am scared of her at 70. Already now, she sticks to a set routine, goes to the exact same restaurants over and over again, will not deviate from routine unless forced or prodded, refuses to go see my brother in Italy because travel scares her – she used to work for Lufthansa, for goodness sake.

    And obviously, I am NOTHING like my mom. At all. Ever. No likeness under no circumstances. Really, I mean it!

  20. Linda – I’m very much looking forward to taking on some of the famed rude old French ladies. You’ve got to have some fun when you get old, right? What’s more fun than being rude and cranky? No, I haven’t seen Gran Torino. I was warned off.

    Violetsky – A few years still make a big difference. I get the same thing in the neighbourhood — lots of oldies and they’re forever gossiping about each other.

    Gila – Don’t worry. I think some people just didn’t quite know how to take this sort of post. I should have been more obviously sarcastic or something maybe. Anyhow, my mum’s the same. They seem to really like their little groove. I tused to drive me crazy, too, but I think I just developed a little more patience over time. I figure whatever makes her happy, right? And lord knows that’s hard enough to accomplish. I’m not going to change her or her mind about anything at this point, so I make allowances and carry on doing what needs to be done.

    Robin – Thank YOU! I can see you chuckling there in your photo. Tomorrow I do the younguns!!

  21. HAHAHAHH! You’ve been getting ideas from my blog, haven’t you? :-)

    One thing I don’t understand is old ladies who have mustaches. (My grandma had one).

    What….? You suddenly get to a point, where you don’t give a crap about how you look anymore? And you can’t be bothered to trim off that lip hair?

    But you know what’s really awful? Old people who are mean and rude and cranky.

    If you’re a 19-year old and you’re an a-hole, at least you have the excuse that you’re still young. You haven’t experienced too much life yet…you still have to learn to get along with others, gain some wisdom and curb your bad habits.

    But if you’re 75…and you’re STILL that way….that means you HAVEN’T learned a damned thing, and you’ve been a jerk for half a century.

    That’s just….SAD.

  22. Until I read Linda’s comment, I was going to say that from my personal experience that I think it must be a Canadian thing. I imagine Canadians at around 60 or so are tired of being proper and polite and just let loose (sort of what John Cleese wrote about in A Fish Called Wanda). And yeah I suppose you could do this for every age group, but the only age group I don’t like is undisciplined children. And the sucky part is, I can’t even blame them.

  23. Helen – YES. You need to worry about your inlaws, your parents and yourself and your spouse. You’ll all get there eventually.

    Friar – I beg your pardon, but I was doing this schtick long before I ever found your blog. Go ahead and scroll back and see if you don’t believe me. The moustaches I believe are hormone related. Same deal as when men suddenly sprout lock hair in their noses and ears while their head hair disappears.

    Missy – The really funny thing about this is that we’re all going to be them one day in the not too distant future. Laugh now!

    Geetwits – Linda’s not the only non-Canadian who comments here, you know. And yes, like I started out saying there are plenty of perfectly lovely senior citizens roaming around out there and yes, I could do a post like this for every age group. And I very well may.

  24. the good thing about them taking so long to get in their cars is that you can run for your life

    we have one at work. she comes in and buys stuff then returns it and buys something else.

    we actually fight over who is going to serve her when we see her come into the parking lot.

  25. Pingback: XUP old people « Savanvleck’s Weblog

  26. Olivia – Thanks!

    Jobthingy – Good point. Usually they drive slow enough so you can duck, but sometimes they surprise you and step hard on the gas instead of the brake and then you’re done for.

  27. HEY! I resemble every one of the remarks in the post and comments.
    Dadblamed whippersnappers! Why back in ought-five, I woulda sent yas to get a switch so I could beat yas with it.

  28. Bob – Ah, try and catch us.

    Grouchy – You and Bob will have a whale of a time on Saturday (with whale being pronounced with the soft “wh”)

  29. this is hilarious, “They make me feel young and sprightly and superior.” so true :)!

    i don’t think you will ever be an old person, regardless of age i think old resides in the mind. i hope to never have the qualities you’ve noted. i agree with every one and love the parallel of old people and teenagers.

    i believe that no one gets a pass, no one earns the right to be mean to others no matter their age or how much they’ve suffered.

    my mom is very guilty of your #1 and it drives me crazy. i take wisdom wherever i can find it, and it’s usually not in the package i’ve “expected” it to be in.

  30. Looking through your list I would say the exact same list could apply to teenagers. This is of course coming from a mother of a 15 year old young man who constantly takes me over the deep-end.

    1) You can’t tell the teenagers anything.
    2) Teenagers should not be allowed to shop for their own groceries.
    3) Teenagers and cars are a lethal combination.
    4) Teenagers think that just because they’re young they’re automatically interesting.
    5) Teenagers are always on the lookout for some misdemeanor to bring to the attention of the authorities (parents).
    6) Teenagers are rude.

  31. Leah – Thanks lady.You’re right I guess, except we tend to give old people a little leeway because I reckon I won’t be all that happy either when my world starts to shrink – which it often does when you get old. You have so many physical, financial even mental limits that you end up confined to a small area in and around your home – if you’re even still in your own home. Hopefully, we’ll be able to keep going independently for as long as possible.

    GND – Ha ha – very true. Thanks, you’ve just saved me from having to write a “6 most annoying things about teenagers” post.

  32. I found you through Masters Daughter and just read through “annoying old people”..My mom died recently, leaving my dad just one week shy of 66 years. Poor old thing is struggling to keep it together. I am an only child..bordering on “old” and annoying, myself, at 60 years of age, and though I don’t live with him, I am only a few minutes away. He still has his mind..actually, he probably has more than I, but yet I’m trying to assist as best I can. If you want the definition of cantankerous..I’ll send you his photo. I can almost hear Mom saying,”I told you so”,each time he and I have one of our little confrontations. Oh well..but for the grace, there go I…and my girls will be talking about me like this one day. Thanks for the momentary diversion.

  33. I thing some of the folks posting here need to learn a bit about dementia and alzheimer’s. Many of the things you’re laughing at/are angry at are symptoms. And the laughter/anger is both cruel and short-sighted.

  34. CathyG – Every time I shake my head or chuckle at some old person, a little voice reminds me that I’m not that far off and that I’ll be there before you know it. So sorry to hear about your mom. I don’t blame old people at all for being cantankerous. I imagine life can really suck when you suddenly find yourself old and limited and dependant and missing your spouse. But then again, it doesn’t cost anything to make the best of things and try to enjoy the time you have.

    Sad – If you read on, I think you’ll find we’re also laughing at young people and middle-aged people and we almost always laugh at teenagers. We could go through life being sombre and hyper-sensitive because there’s a lot of suffering and injustice in the world, but that would make life pretty much unbearable. If you can’t laugh at stuff anymore, then you really are sad and you might as well pack it in right now. Nobody here is heartless or cruel and we have all experienced hardships in our lives. If you’re going through something right now, (or have recently) with a loved one, I can totally understand why your headspace might be a little messed up and why you would find this post unpleasant. I wish you the strength you need to get through this.

  35. Oh XUP I have to tell you my old people and cars story!

    The punchline first” 40 yr old me whispering to 52 yr old Papa Pan, whispering to 60 yr old neighbour A whispering to 70 yr old neighbour B “Should we let even them out of the driveway or not? This doesn’t seem right! No, they shouldn’t, just smile and wave”.

    My 90 something neighbours decided to go get some saltines after the snowplow came by, and got stuck up on the snow drift. When we tried to help them, two of us had our feet run over because the sweet old driver didn’t hear “put it in reverse and just tap on the gas” And another got thrown onto the hood by the force of his GUNNING FORWARD.

    When I told my mom she insisted they had to be allowed to drive YOU CAN’T TAKE AWAY THIS FREEDOM.

    Ummm YES YOU CAN!

    The world is free to tell me I am too nervous and neurotic to be allowed behind the wheel of a car. It and the DMV are free to take away the licenses of dangerous elderly drivers!

  36. Anonymous (Kerry??) – See, here’s the big mistake people make…they think driving is a god given right, a human freedom..that it’s actually in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. It’s not. It’s a privilege that’s granted when you can prove that you’re skilled enough and responsible enough to earn it. AND whenever you prove you are no longer skilled or responsible enough, there is no reason why that privilege should not be revoked. They make such a big deal about teens getting their license when it’s been proven that they are in exactly the same accident-rate bracket as those over 70. People should be tested more regularly in order to keep their license. It’s ridiculous for instance that I still have one. I got it way back when after a day and a half of practicing. I almost never drive and I’m a menace on the roads. At least I know it and stick to familiar, infrequently travelled places when I do need to drive.

  37. Hilarious. I’d add a couple to your list (maybe these just apply to old people in Spain) –
    Shopping – have you ever watched an old person buying potatoes? How many types of potatoes are there? You’d think in the line of hundreds – they’ll pick up one sack, then turn to another, then look back at the first one (maybe wondering how on earth they’re going to carry them home). Same applies to oranges, tomatoes, etc. It’s a tough decision.
    Health – try asking politely “and how are you today?” and brace up for hearing a whole list of ailments…well, my liver’s not too good. Not to mention sitting in the doctor’s waiting room, where you get to listen to everybody’s (over 60) health problems.
    This is a website I came across some time ago. I think it is moving and elegant, and deserves a visit.

  38. i understand a lot of this, My grandparents think they are some kind of gods, they talk big sh!t like, noone can harm them. talk down to me like im some kind of trash, i mean i think i can understand why they are like this, but all it would take is a solid punch in the face, and their old asses would be dust. when im old i am going to respect my kids and grand kids. because you cant just disrespect the shit out of people and demand respect from them. old people should know their place. yeah they can have loads of wisdom but duh all that is is the fact your life ratio is longer. anyone who does not die can gain that. As the young we have the power the beat the livin crap out of the old, so all you old people be warned. your weaker and softer then you think. Dont F*ck with the young

  39. Haha you can’t leave out how they always seem to have a better looking house than my hard working dad and a brand spankin new 2009 corolla and a tundra sitting in their driveway.

  40. I’m sorry you’re so annoyed often. Now, don’t deny it! Your first paragraph reveals that you only like a select few out of every age group. It’s not just the old people. Maybe you need a different approach on life, instead of ranting on this controversial, subjective topic that lacks love. I’m no expert, but I think your biggest issue is psychological. I just don’t want you so annoyed all the time. I know you write a blog, so you may have to rant excessively for entertainment, but this may seem too offensive and ignorant.

    You say, “I do realize that it won’t be long before I’m old and annoying – by heck, some people already think I’m old and annoying – so I should be more compassionate and respect my elders and everything.”
    It’s not right to show compassion just to avoid hypocritism in the future. This mindset could totally contribute to why you are so annoyed. (Aaand…there may be a chance that you’ll change your views after you finally consider yourself “old and annoying”.)
    When you state that you are being superficially kind, I know you are trying to avoid harsher critism. Why bother? You do a great job of convincing us of your narrowmindedness, disrespect, and negativity. But, whatever; morals aren’t the issue.

    The source of your annoyance may be because of your superficial kindness in the first place. Why hide your true feelings? I want to tell you that HONESTY is the highest form of respect. Instead of superficial kindness, give them this respect that I speak of. Why? you’ll feel less annoyed! It will be an outlet for your anger, and you will be respected in the same way in return.

    Take the bus incident, for example:
    You: Hey, mister. You know that the scheduling is all messed up for the #148 bus, right? Here’s the new, revised schedule. You can take the other bus home with me before dark.

    Senior citizen: No. You’re totally wrong.

    You: Fine, rot in the bus shelter, old man!

    Senior citizen: What did you just say?

    You: Oh, is your hearing aid not working? I said rot in the bus shelter! I was just trying to help…I can’t tell you anything.

    Senior citizen: I don’t need your help! Maybe I don’t want to get home before dark! I’m old, and I don’t want to live life dependent on others just because I’m old! Let me be! Thanks, but no thanks!

    You: Oh…okay. Bye.

    Maybe you’ll be blogging about how sad it is that “old people” feel like the world is always against them? No need for annoyance.

  41. I’m sorry you’re so annoyed often. Now, don’t deny it! Your first paragraph reveals that you only like a select few out of every age group. It’s not just the old people. Maybe you need a different approach on issues instead of ranting behind your very controversial, subjective, love-lacking premise. I’m no expert, but I think your biggest issue is psychological. I just don’t want you so annoyed all the time. I know you write a blog, so you may have to rant excessively for entertainment, but this may seem too offensive and ignorant.

    You say, “I do realize that it won’t be long before I’m old and annoying – by heck, some people already think I’m old and annoying – so I should be more compassionate and respect my elders and everything.”
    It’s not right to show compassion just to avoid hypocritism in the future. This mindset could totally contribute to why you are so annoyed. (Aaand…there may be a chance that you’ll change your views after you finally consider yourself “old and annoying”.)
    When you state that you are being superficially kind, I know you are trying to avoid harsher critism. Why bother? You do a great job of convincing us of your narrowmindedness, disrespect, and negativity. But, whatever; morals aren’t the issue.

    The source of your annoyance may be because of your superficial kindness in the first place. Why hide your true feelings? I want to tell you that HONESTY is the highest form of respect. Instead of superficial kindness, give them this respect that I speak of. Why? you’ll feel less annoyed! It will be an outlet for your anger, and you will be respected in the same way in return.

    Take the bus incident, for example:
    You: Hey, mister. You know that the scheduling is all messed up for the #148 bus, right? Here’s the new, revised schedule. You can take the other bus home with me before dark.
    Senior citizen: No. You’re totally wrong.
    You: Fine, rot in the bus shelter, old man!
    Senior citizen: What did you just say?
    You: Oh, is your hearing aid not working? I said rot in the bus shelter! I was just trying to help…I can’t tell you anything.
    Senior citizen: I don’t need your help! Maybe I don’t want to get home before dark! I’m old, and I don’t want to live life dependent on others just because I’m old! Let me be! Thanks, but no thanks!
    You: Oh…okay. Bye.

    Maybe you’ll be blogging about how sad it is that “old people” feel like the world is always against them? No need for annoyance.

  42. Things you do when you get old:
    1. Suddenly become unable to do the simplist things so you get your son/daughter to do it for you even when you are perfectly physically and mentally able.
    2. Let facial hair grow (men – nose and ears and eyebrows, women – chin and upper lip).
    3. Start to wear beige.
    4. Complain about the heat/cold even when you live in the UK when it never gets particularly hot or cold (just boring and damp)
    5. Don’t wear your teeth so you look REALLY grumpy when your face is relaxed.
    6. Despite being deaf, don’t wear your hearing aid and complain everyone else is whispering/mumbling.
    7. Lay the old guilt trip on your loved ones subtley/not so bloody subtley. “No, I’m fine, honestly. No no, don’t you worry about me, you’ve got your own lives to live (big sigh and a sniff)”
    8. Sit on the sofa and give orders to those around you.
    9. Sit down with your knees apart in a dress/skirt when it is hot so we can see your huge underwear/tights.
    I loved my grandparents and they did none of the above but I have encountered patients/in-laws who have.
    X

  43. Oh and the ladies stop adjusting their bra strap so it offers zero support and your puppies hang down by your waist.

  44. All the whiners will one day themselves be smelly old farts with new hair in unwanted places and bald where hair was once plentiful. Scared of change? Most old codgers have seen more change than all you young punks. They take change in stride.

    Here is a blog post that explores the subject further:

    All the whiners will one day themselves be smelly old farts with new hair in unwanted places and bald where hair was once plentiful. Scared of change? Most old codgers have seen more change than all you young punks. They take change in stride.

    Here is a blog post that explores the subject further:

    http dot dot//squibbage dot blogspot dot com/2009/10/how-to-deal-with-cranky-senior-citizen.html

  45. i hate all the old people when i was younger they always make me do hw and when i dont do it they talk about what type of hardship they went through and when i buy somthing they say back then none of us had these we had to eat so little and u are so lazy and so spoiled

  46. I work in the produce department for Dierbergs part time. We get a bunch of annoying old people shopping there all the time. Half of the time they don’t want to listen to reason or admit that they are wrong. As mention by everyone, they are rude most of the time when they don’t get their way.

  47. Okay, seeing as my Grandfather can no longer live alone and about a year ago I had to move in with him so I could do assorted things to help him (i.e. put his pills in the little pillbox each week, because he “doesnt understand” the extremely difficult directions on the perscription bottle telling him to “take one tablet once a day”)
    I have noticed several things and they all drive me absolutely out of my mind (being as I am a 24 year old girl, living with my horribly sexist, selfish, racist, Mr. Perfect-can-do-no-wrong-you-are-a-stupid-woman-grandfather)

    Okay first off:
    He is incredibly impatient and childish, he becomes obsessed with things, little things, like if I say “I am going to cutt the grass next time I have a chance” he will bother me EVERY DAY, EVERY 1/2 HOUR, saying “you gonna cut the grass? when? I thought you were gonna cut the grass”, and I admit, sometimes I wont do it for like a whole week just because he is so annoying I just wont do it out of spite, at this point he will open the door to my section of the house and yell “THANKS FOR CUTTIN THE GRASS!” then he will mumble profanities and slam the door
    these little stupid things that become his obsession are all he cares about, like its the most important thing in the world and like I dont have bigger things going on in life, and he wants them done when he wants them done…and if he gets too impatient he will attempt to do it himself, and usually fall down and get hurt.

    Next:
    He has the worst taste in food, and other things…its just SO BORING, and he will NEVER try new things, like before I moved in, his weekly grocery list was only $30 a week! and all he eats is that dark pumpernickle bread, plain english muffins, meatloaf frozen dinners,…just gross, gross, stuff, and he eats the most disgusting brand of oatmeal raisin cookies, and sprite….and thats it….he just has terrible taste in everything! but whenever I introduce something new to him he loves it and adds it on to the grocery list and Im like “why didnt you ever get any of this stuff before, why do you just get the same thing all the time” and he replies “oh well I never knew about it”….yeah, like all you have ever seen your whole life is dark pumpernickle bread and meatloaf.

    which brings me to this- He is STUCK in a routine,
    I know exactly what he does, at each time, every day: and it is SO LAME and BORING:
    he gets up at 9 40am, after washing up he puts on the same pants every day and a plaid button down shirt every day, he makes a plain english muffin with a HUGE unmelted chunk of butter on it and then grape jelly (not even spread, and it all gets mixed in with the butter, and as a result everything he touches after this gets sticky and covered in jelly), and he eats the same exact thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every single day.
    after breakfast, he reads the paper for 2 hours on the dot, then lunch- he makes some kind of sandwich, usually roast beef with his dark pump gross bread, takes him an hour to eat this, then he goes to the VFW at exactly 2:30pm to sit with other old people and fall asleep in the chair while they all talk, at 5:30pm he returns, eats a meatloaf frozen dinner, and then sits in a chair and watches TV until exactly 11:50pm when he has seen all he wanted to see on the 11 o’clock news, then he does everything to get to bed in the exact same order every night; he turns on the bathroom light, goes into his bedroom, turns on his radio as loud as possible on the AM talk radio station, removes his huge wads of $ from his pockets, counts them and “hides” them under his pillow, pulls down his bedsheet, removes the plaid shirt, takes off his old man shoes, and socks, removes the same old pair of old man pants and puts them on his dresser for tomorrow, organizes each and every sock in the sock drawer, gets a face towel and a hand towel from the closet and goes into the bathroom for exactly 30 minutes, then goes to bed….to rest up for another exciting day of the same exact thing tomorrow. and if you do anything to mess up this daily routine the world comes to an end.

    and last but not least:
    He thinks I am probably the stupidest person to ever walk the earth, he doesnt even think I know how to pump my own gas, or drive, whenever I drive him somewhere, if someone is a 1/2 mile up the road and pulls out in front of me a yells “OH WATCH OUT!”…like he is the only person to see them, and every….single…f*cking bump in the road I go over he has to make his freakin sound effects no matter how tiny the pump is he goes “ooooh!….aaaah!!!….ooh jesus!…..owww!…*SIGH!*….*GRUMBLE*”
    he doesnt even think I know how to change my own oil, hes like “OOOH you better take it to the garage to do that! (And only his friend’s garage, because any other garage cant do it right either), and when I tell him no, I can do it myself (mind you I pretty much built my own car, engine and all…im not an idiot) he says in a very smart ass condesending tone “OH CAN YA NOW!?!…YAH, YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!”
    He is never wrong- and it is never his fault, like when he actually had his license, and he didnt hit the brakes at a red light and caused a 4 car accident and $6000 worth of damage to his car…yeah he still thinks that was the other people involved in the accident’s fault, even though the police report said HE was driving “erratically” and “never hit his brakes, hitting the car in front of him, hard enough to push it into the intersection and get hit by another car, then he put his vehicle in reverse and slammed into the car behind him”….but again, everyone else’s fault….not his.

    ok and one more:
    he plays dumb and plays the poor me card all the time, I work two jobs, and all he does is complain about how hes so lonely and he just sits around all by himself all day…guess what, no you dont….you go to the VFW EVERY SINGLE DAY, hes like “yah but I sit around here all alone every night”….you and everyone else, when I get home from work, guess what I do, the same exact thing you are doing- sitting at home, alone, watching TV….
    and he plays dumb or “confused” because he just wants everyone to do everything for him; open the lids on certain food containers, call the Dr. to make his appointments because he “doesnt know how”, explain 100000 times how to work his stupid books-on-tape machine (which by the way is made for a child and has a grand total or 3 buttons; “stop”, “play”, and “power”), how to work his TV, I have been out with friends (on more than one occasion) and he has called my mom, to have her call me, to go home because he thought the TV was messed up and pressed all the buttons I told him NOT to press and ended up changing the TV setting from TV to Video…., and supposedly the “TV isnt working”….the way to fix this- you press the TV/VIDEO button to flip it back to TV from VIDEO…..and I have explained this a millions times, he just didnt bother listening ever; and back to thinking I am stupid- he would STILL have the comcast people come out the next day to make sure there is nothing wrong with the TV because he doesnt think I actually fixed the “problem”….because I dont know anything….

    so yeah, I am glad I am not alone in this…thanks guys, and good luck.

  48. To all of you having a go at the “rant” about old people, I suggest you just simply get over it. I live with an old person and have done so for over 15 years. I can not stand old people anymore.

    I am depressed and fed up with living with her. I can’t leave either due to certain circumstances and I am ready to throttle my grandmother. I can’t look at her without feeling annoyed.

    I could guarantee that if you lived with my grandmother you would all feel the same. Old people are best kept at a distance. They have had their time and now it is time for the rest of us.

    It isn’t a matter of old people being disposed of but rather they just simply retire and leave the rest of us alone. We will visit them when we need to.

    I was going to type out the ways that she disrupts my life but there was just way too much to type. All I can say is that my own mother understands why I feel the way I do; and I resent my G/mother for expecting my mum to have to look after her for the rest of her life. My mother has never had time to herself; to look after herself; or do anything that she has wanted to do. She has always done everything for everyone else. Now she never will have her time because my grandmother is like a fly and hangs around her constantly and is going to be living with my mother for good.

    When I am old I will be sure to put myself into care or into a retirement home. I don’t want to annoy my grandchildren the way my grandmother has annoyed me; I don’t want to slow down the rest of society just because my mind has slowed down too.

    Nobody should ever have to live with old people. Like I said, they are better kept at a distance.

  49. Someone old I know who just never knows when to stop talking on and on and you cannot get a word in edgeways. Overstays a welcome. Hours and hours of listening to the same stories in the long winded version and then launching into another story straight after. Give me strength. I understand that people may feel lonely but would this old git ever get a hobby or a life.
    Why do old people always go on about the past and never the present.

  50. 1. Think because they are old they know everything there is to know about everything just because of their age.
    2. Give obvious advice as if you had no brain in your head.

  51. Yeah old people should be put down the moment they start developing the smug attitude and blind rage that most old men i’ve been around develop. old women are pretty cool though

  52. The funny noises they make get to me. Whistling for no reason, clearing their throats every five seconds, when their ‘s’es whistle.

  53. Ok first of all I am 15 and well my grandma lives with me! And u know what? I love my grandma a lot but sometimes pfft y am I saying sometimes? I mean almost everyday she gets on my last nerves. She is so racist she cant watcha the tv for one hour without saying things abt black people!( We r asian) She is kinda deaf so I have ti say everything like 10 times and I am a person tht doesnt really like to repeat things more than 3 times! And she is ughh grrr. She watches my baby sis and she always says bad things in fornt of my baby sis! When she washes the dishes its still dirty so WE have to wash AGAIN! She gossips so now we are in a family feud! DO U WANT ME TO GO ON!?!?!?!?!?!Cause I can she is driving my mom and dad and me NUTS!!!!!!! One time my mom asked her if she wanted to go to my autns house because she couldnt come home to take care of 3-4 ppl and cook for her. Then she gossiped and told everybody we KICKED her out we didnt we just asked her! Everytime she is on the phone another fghtt happens!!!! And there is more!!!!

  54. I know I’m late to the party on this one, but I would add that the only thing old people want to talk about are their ailments, their last visit to the doctor(s), the medical tests they just had or are about to have, the medicines they take and the most recent person they know who has died. So damn depressing. I would call my mother more often if it weren’t so exhausting.

  55. what an interesting article. i don’t know what you’re considering as old.i’m 56 and my girl friend is 35. i easily pass for being in my mid to late 30’s -see this pic people?? http://mepix.rr.nu this is me on new years day 2011..3 months ago approximately.think about it.i’m almost 60..i also hold a black belt in taekwondoe(also spelled,t’aegwondo).i never have displayed the kinds of actions or behavior mentioned in these posts or in the article itself.niether have any of my friends.what I DO notice quite clearly however is that many of the posters are quite ageist.i actually think that’s humorous,as i’m probably twice these poster’s ages at least and am probably in much better shape than any of them.plus i can attract women their ages easily..trust me..oh well..i don’t think that young people are less intelligent than old people. but for as rude as the article claims that older people are, compared to younger people,a person certainly wouldn’t know it from the replies .pots calling the kettles black??..what a laugh,bwa,hahahaha..(oh..was i being rude??sorry..my bad.)

  56. My MIL is 73 and she thinks she knows everything, tells the same 5 stories over and over again, argues about everything, criticized people and things at least 100 times a day, cries for attention…I could go on…I can’t wait until she’s in a home where she can terrorize other people. Of course, we love her and will visit her weekly, but it’s the constant nattering in the background and always wanting to know what you said when you weren’t talking to her anyways that I won’t miss.

  57. to the posters as well as the original creator of the article:i feel sorry for your parents..all of you posters must absolutely have no use for your parents at all..you all sound like you were raised in that one parent family generation who always talks about their mom or dad or both being real assholes,etc..so sad you all let hate govern how you feel about old people.ever though about trying clinical therapy?i’m not being critical,i’m just saying that there’s something wrong with stereotyping old people.it’s as bad as if i showed up here talking about niggers or mexicans…think about it! i’m a psychologist and have found that much of this attitude of hating old people comes from people who are liberal who despise conservative behavior.coincidence?? i don’t know but i doubt it.either way,i’d consider clinical therapy or counseling for many of you,as your hate for old people isn’t healthy or normal.

  58. This writer of this article has obviously never read “When I am Old I shall wear purple.” The person who wrote ” they are yanking our chains” is largely correct.

  59. This is what I have to put up with 7 days a week with my 89 year old grandmother from Eastern Europe. It’s a fucking nightmare. I would add #7 and #8. Old people inherently miserly and are perpetually terrified of going broke before their time is up, even when there is little or no merit to this absurd premonition. It follows that many assume they’re being robbed when they buy canned peaches for $0.20c more at a new grocery store when the one they’ve been going to on the corner for 20 years closes down. And everyone is always out to burglarize their idiosyncratic nicknacks (wooden fish decorations? Pictures of them in a old-style full-body swimsuit from the ’40s?).

    And 9, they think they’re going to live forever, while living in a paradoxical miasma of fear of the inevitable. Accordingly, they’ll attempt to exert financial or other leverage (often through emotional blackmail) over younger family members, often their own children, in a rearguard attempt to remain relevant. They often seem devoid of principles, surprisingly so for a generally pious and God-fearing bunch.

  60. you all will be old one day and everyone can say the same about you young ones its not forever some act like it is ;
    good time getting old to all you smart asses.

  61. I worked in an old folks home and found most of the residents enjoyable to be around. Sure, sometimes they were annoying . . . just like anyone. No big deal.
    Those who were especially difficult suffered from severe dementia . . . no fault of their own. The more I studied about aging and the brain –the more patient I was with them and able to cope. Honestly, some of you sound like YOU are as IGNORANT as the elderly you are complaining about!

  62. Jay Amythe, M.Di :
    Yeah, but you can go home at the end of the day. They AREN’T related to you. My mother is slowly destroying me with her constant demands of wanting perfection in her life. I have no time to do my own jobs around the house because I have to run round to hers and do her garden, sweep her drive because 2 leaves are on it, dig up the dandelion which has appeared on her immaculate lawn, move the pot plant on the patio 6″ to the left. she makes me feel guilty if I say I haven’t got the time right now and I’ll do it later. She will then try to do these jobs herself although she cannot walk unassisted. She has always been intollerent, impatient and demands perfection and at 81 still demands that we all will drop what we are doing and run round there.

    She is vulnerable and when recently I discovered that a local boy had been obtaining money from her every day for a week (later discovered it was to buy drugs) and had befriended her, she was really cross with me when I told his family about what he’s been up to. She got her money back from his family but because the boy ignores her she blames me because I told on him!

    I am so glad of this site as it has shown me that I’m not the only one who has such an annoying, demanding, rude, racist, opinionated relative. I wouldn’t mind if she was a sweet natured person when she was younger but she wasn’t.

  63. Love this…..especially the part about grocery shopping and driving….you have that part down to a T!!! Where I live it takes fooreevverr to get through any line and drive down any road because I live in small retirement town…for every 100 old people there’s like 1 young person…as to why I’m living here…no ideaaa lol

  64. Don’t worry! By the time you get a little old, you will have to eat soylent green or make a run for your life like Logan..then you won’t have to annoy your children or grandchildren..if you aren’t too selfish to spend the money raising children.

  65. What’s funny is almost every comment about the elderly can be applied to any age group. Young people think they’re smart before their time and sexy. Even the dorkiest pimple faced 26 year old nerd thinks he’s sexy. It’s a hoot. Our culture is so selfish they despise everything that inconveniences them. That’s why we don’t have multi-generational family homes. Hey idiots, your destiny is exactly what you are complaining about. Perhaps you should rethink your stance.

  66. They also have selective hearing, meaning they have super hearing when they want to hear you but choose to be completely deaf at other times.

    Case in point, my own mother. Most times I have to repeat everything I say in a nearly explosive volume. But other times, if I’m talking on the phone in another ROOM, she can hear me perfectly because she just HAS to insert her own thoughts & opinions into YOUR personal conversations with other people (that have absolutely nothing to do with her).

    Drives me nuts.

    Parents. Can’t live with’em, can’t shoot’em.

  67. I’m an old person who devotes her life to young people – I am clean, polite, and very loving and the narcissim shown by people on the site is very disturbing and reinforces just why I would never retire in a country that breeds such contempt and generalizes so easily. Very very sad!!! In spite of all you say I will continue to work as a psychologist and help you all through your darkest moments – shame that many of you don’t have the same empathy and compassion shown by many of us seniors!!

  68. I am 59 years old – I found this site when I googled “things old people say” because next year when I am 60 I certainly want to be a proper old lady. hahahahaha this was hilarious – keep it up -I wish I could remember what my dad used to say instead of swearing – but I forget – funny! Now, how should I dress? :-)

  69. I really give my best to be polite and understanding towards everyone and especially towards the elderly because I perceive this old age as the age of sadness for the lack of strength, declining mental abilities and health in general. However, today I got into a severe verbal fight with an archetypal mean old lady who hates herself till noon and hates the rest of the world for the rest of the day. I was pretty rude but in the end, it made me feel soooo good! I felt as if I had had my revenge for all those people they have been mean to :)

  70. Pingback: Rich old white people suck too…. | iGotStiffed.com - Service Industry Blog, Rants, and Stories.

  71. I understand someone venting frustration regarding old people – but as someone has already pointed out numerous times: it’s due to illness (dimentia, etc.) and yes, i have to say in spite of my profession some of it is plain personality defects. lol

    I have an old person story… My husband and I were driving behind a blue dodge calibre one day through several communities. The car was literally all over the road. Everytime oncoming traffic was approaching the car would be 4 wheels on the opposite side of the road, actually driving other vehicles over on the shoulder – – – many, many, many frustrated drivers passed by shaking their heads in disbelief. Driving behind this car was a terror in itself…going 90 one minute, 60 the next, all over the road & impossible to pass… Well long story short: It was an elderly man.

    People, please be responsible for your elderly parents/relatives! If they shouldn’t be driving; report them yourself!

    We end up reporting this guy 3 times during that drive. It scares the poo out of you to see a BIG transport truck coming at you, and a little blue calibre trying to kiss it front on.

  72. How rude, Who do think built this country. My mother had brian damage when I was five years old. She passed away 2/1/2 yrs ago. She didn’t raise us, but we respected her. A lot of older people are in pain & have memory problems.

    Thimes have changed, yourger people are the rudest generation, that have produced the selfish generation. Your pants are falling down, your music sucks, more people are in jail, gangs & prisons these days. At lease we didn’t have to lock our door & have alarm systems & gated communites.

  73. What a sad way to feel, and relate about the elderley, including your grand parents or great grand parents. I learned a lot from mine and wished I had learned more. A true mark of ignorance is opening your mouth when you don’t know what your talking about, I feel sorry for you.