Since people had so much “fun” with yesterday’s post, I thought it would only be fair if I picked on another age group today: the 30-Somethings.
I used to be one. I work with a couple and I suspect I even read and enjoy blogs written by some. All the aforementioned people I actually know are, of course non-annoying exceptions to the general annoyingness of this age group. So, in the spirit of tit-for-tat, here are the 6 most annoying things about young folk:
- They revel in their own perfection. The world is their oyster. They totally carpe every diem. They’re all that and a bag of Blackberries. They are at their prime physically. They have glossy hair and smooth skin. They don’t need to cross their legs when they sneeze. Their education is behind them and they’re well into their perfect careers. And their careers are so damned exciting! They’re blazing career trails no one before them has ever thought to blaze and/or blather on and on about. They’ve assembled a perfect little family; have a perfect house and a couple of perfect cars. Of course they’re the first humans ever to have accomplished such things, too, so they are rightfully bursting with smug pride and gloating self-importance.
- They are obsessively acquisitive. If it weren’t for 30-Somethings the retail and service industries would go bankrupt. They’re earning money and have unlimited credit so they buy everything in sight. And it all has to be the best, the newest, the latest. Their homes are loaded with furniture, clothes, shoes, stuffed animals, electronics, appliances, nannies, gadgets, doo-dads, gee-gaws, and hair care products.
- They’re responsible for the mini-van. In the 21st century in North America, as soon as you turn 30, you are obliged to buy a mini-van. It’s some sort of secret status symbol that tells other 30-Somethings you’ve arrived. Your doors slide, you have a DVD player on board, your seats swivel and you can ferry at least 6 people around at will. This is the ship which everyone for generations has been waiting for to come in.
- Babies. This age group is rife with babies and small children. They talk about them incessantly like they’re the first humans ever to have accomplished the miracle of reproduction. Their kids are the most amazing creatures ever to have walked the earth! They say things! They do things! Sometimes they say and do things at the same time. And, the things they do and say are the cutest things ever! “Guess what Dakota did today? She looked at me and said, “gaahhh“. Isn’t that adorable? Here’s the video.”
- They think anyone over 40 is hopelessly old and senile. They believe anyone with wrinkles or grey hair is well past it and should be put out to pasture. Oldies shouldn’t be out in public, in the workforce, and they sure shouldn’t be on TV or in movies. Ewww. Oldies are yucky and just get in the way and hold things up and talk a lot of gibberish. 30-Somethings do their best to pretend people over 40 don’t exist. They have mastered the art of looking through oldies like they’re invisible and they put their fingers in their ears and say “la-la-la” real loud if oldies try to talk to them.
- They whine. Has there ever been a whinier generation? Not only are they consistant whiners, they are also multi-forum whiners with the ability to whine in person, on the internet, by cell phone, by text and on TV simultaneously. They whine about their relationships; they whine about their parents; they whine about their kids; they whine about their jobs; and they whine non-stop about money. Nothing is moving fast enough for them. They’re not getting promoted within weeks of starting a new job. Their spouses/partners/lovers aren’t instantly fulfilling them. Their parents are refusing to support them anymore. Their kids aren’t growing up fast enough. Their flatiron takes too long to heat up. Their money isn’t rolling in fast enough to keep up with their expenses. They need more stuff! They haven’t had a vacation in almost 2 months! They’re, like, super-stressed. O.M.G.!!
Despite it all, I enjoy having 30-Somethings around. They make me laugh and make me feel wise and superior. And that’s something no amount of money can buy.