A Conversation

Daughter: If I ask you a question will you promise to answer it without asking any follow-up questions?

Mother: No, because the question needs follow-up questions in order for me to answer it or you wouldn’t have asked me that.

Daughter: Fine! Nevermind!

Mother: No, go ahead ask the question.

Daughter: I don’t want to.

Mother: Yes, you do. You’re dying to ask me and it’s obviously about some boy you want to go out with that you think I won’t approve of.

Daughter: OH MY GOD! How do you know that? You’re soooooo weird.

Mother: Please. I know you better than you know yourself. It’s my motherly job. Ask the question.

Daughter: No!

Mother: Ask it.

 Daughter: Okay. Here’s the question. What’s the maximum age for someone you’ll let me go out with? And just answer it without asking me a bunch of stuff, pleeeease.

 Mother: 40.

 Daughter: What? Ewwwww! You’d let me go out with a 40-year-old man?

 Mother: See? You’re asking follow-up questions. Sometimes they’re important.

 Daughter: Very funny. How old, really?

 Mother: I don’t know – maybe 19. Depends on the guy and the circumstances. How old is this guy?

 Daughter: 19

 Mother: Where do you know a 19-year-old guy from?

 Daughter: Through my friend Shelley that I work with.

 Mother: When did you meet this guy?

 Daughter: I don’t know. I’ve talked to him lots of times.

 Mother: In real life or on chat?

 Daughter: In real life, too.

 Mother: And he’s not in high school anymore, right?

Daughter: No, he’s in university. Didn’t you ever go out with university guys when you were in high school?

 Mother: Yes, and I thought it was really cool at the time, but when I was in university I thought it was really creepy when a university guy went out with a high school girl.

 Daughter: Oh so I suppose it would be better if he’d flunked out a lot and was still in high school at 19?

 Mother: No, of course not.

 Daughter: Well, you said I could go out with a 19-year-old. What did you think he’d be doing?

Mother: Touché. I’ll change my answer to 18.

 Daughter: NOoooOOOooooo! You can’t do that!!

Mother: You should be sticking to guys your own age anyway.

 Daughter: I’ll be 18 in a couple of months

 Mother: You’ll be 18 in 8 months. You just turned 17.

Daughter: Whatever. It’s your own fault for sending me to an arts school where there are hardly any boys and the ones that are there are all gay.

Mother: You wanted to go there. I did warn you.

Daughter: How was I supposed to know they were going to be that gay? Anyway, can I go out with this guy or not?

 Mother: Where are you planning to go with this boy?

Daughter: I don’t know. For coffee, he said.

Mother: Oh, so just around the corner at Starbucks? And you’ll meet him there one afternoon like?

Daughter: I don’t know. We might go somewhere else. He has a car.

Mother: Ha ha ha ha ha HA! And you think I’m going to let you drive off in a car with some 19-year-old university guy I’ve never met?

Daughter: He can come in first so you can meet him.

Mother: No. I suggest you just meet him over at Starbucks the first time and see how it goes or go with Shelley and him and some other people. It’s never a good idea, no matter how old you are to drive off on a first date with someone you barely know.

Daughter: Fiiiiiiiiiiine!!!!!

Dollars to Donuts


Do you know what “dollars to donuts” means? I thought it meant “frittering” away your money on useless but yummy stuff — turning all your good money into donuts.

So then I started thinking, what if you came into a small amount of money, say 10% of your annual household income. How would you fritter it away? It could come from a minor lottery win, or a share of an inheritance, or a gift, or a work bonus, or the repayment of a loan that you had completely written off. Found money in other words.

What would you do with it? Let’s assume that you have no pressing debts to put it toward.

You could blow it all on one, big unforgettable trip somewhere. (Such as a never-ending trip to Mexico, for instance)

You could tuck it safely away in RRSPs or RESPs or add it to some savings account you’ve earmarked for something.


You could have fun here and there with it.  Get some box seats at a hockey game. A weekend at a luxury hotel.  Buy a piece of furniture you’d normally never be able to afford. Get a really expensive haircut. Get some Manolos. Any or all of the above.



Or you could just add it to your regular household bank account and have the luxury of not having to be obsessive about your budget for a while.


Or you could be very altruistic and give all or some of it away to a person or group who really needs it. (If all of you come back and tell me that’s exactly what you’d do with this found money I’ll never believe another word any of you say.


The expression “dollars to donuts”, by the way is just a way of expressing certainty in a bet. As in that you would put your valuable dollars against someone else’s lardy donuts. Which is really a stupid bet when you think about it because if you win all you get is some donuts, which you could have bought for yourself with your dollars.

On the other hand the expression, “liar, liar pants on fire” is thought to be a paraphrase of a William Blake poem The Liar. The last verse goes:

Deceiver, dissembler
Your trousers are alight
From what pole or gallows
Do they dangle in the night?

Of course that doesn’t make any more sense than the paraphrased version.