Dear Preemeer McSquinty,
I jest wanted to tell you thanks fer taking over the online gambling bizniss in Ontario. It’s bin such a pain in the arse to drag myself over to one of yer casinos all the time. Now I kin sleep late, gamble in my pajamas and be flat broke before breakfast.
I am real happy to turn over my money to the govermint like this to help build skools and hospitills. I bin feelin’ kinda gilty anyhow fer not payin no taxes fer so long since I bin outta work fer 12 years on accountta braking both legs and not been able to git them mended for 8 years on accountta we ain’t got enuff hospitills.
I hope you hurry up and built that there hospitill tho ‘cuz I aint go no fambly dokter no more and I bin feelin’ mighty poorly fer a few years now.
Like millions of Ontarians, Cooter is happy that the Ontario Government has finally decided to wrest the reins of online gambling out of the hands of hoods and thugs.
“Criminals are stealing nearly 400 million dollars a year from our citizens through online gambling,” says McSquinty. “The Ontario Government could double that in five years,” he added, rubbing his hands together in an anticipatory manner.
Why waste tax dollars on things like education, health care and infrastructure when we could use gambling revenue for that stuff? Lotteries and casinos just aren’t cutting it anymore with their $1.7 billion in annual revenue and I guess taxes are just too difficult to squeeze out of people – especially the people who are supposed to pay most of the taxes.
Besides, taking over online gambling has almost sort of worked out okay for British Columbia. So what if they had to shut down for a while because they were having problems regulating who was playing online? And they think they probably fixed that glitch that allowed people to play with other people’s money.
And in a few years we can all sit back and laugh at those silly Financial Transactions and Reports Analysis Centre people who had to charge the British Columbia Lottery Corporation for “breaking the federal Proceeds of Crime (Money Laundering) and Terrorist Financing Act more than 1,000 times.”
Government has a pretty sketchy track record when it comes to regulating itself. So, it kinda makes me wonder why the government wants to be in this sordid, risky business in the first place. Why not just regulate it and let private enterprises run it? Then they can still make oodles of money by collecting a hefty tax like they do with cigarettes and alcohol.
And, they’ll be able to point and shake their fingers self-righteously at those nasty online gambling enterprises when things go sideways – just like they do with cigarettes and alcohol! 🙂