Milan had an interesting post the other day about so-called Pickup Artists (PUAs). As you may know, these are guys that take special PUA training courses that supposedly teach them how manipulate, cajole, entice, maneuver and otherwise “trick” women into having sex with them.
Just Google PUA and you’ll get pages and pages of options. Pages and pages.
These “gurus of seduction” promise to teach any man how to get women — no matter his age, income, looks or personality. They teach him how to dress, what to do with his hair, how to groom himself for maximum appeal. They teach him facial expressions that he has to practice for hours in the mirror. They teach him the minutiae of body language. They teach him how to approach a woman, where to approach her, what to say, how to say it, when to say what and how to stand and move when he says it.
PUAs even have their own language complete with acronyms and code words.
PUA instructors teach their eager students that women like masterful men. They teach them stuff like being slightly insulting to a woman when you first meet will force her to prove herself worthy. It’s all incredibly detailed and assumes that women will be robbed of their free will when all these tactics are employed.
Milan, and many others, feel this is all “exploitative and potentially unethical”. There have even been discussions that PUAs could conceivably be charged with “rape by deception”.
Personally, I find it all hugely absurd.
Absurd because these guys pay a big pile of money because they think they’re being imbued with magical powers when in reality they’re mainly just being taught how not to look like a schlub or a dork and how to make the most of their limited assets. But mainly it gives them the confidence to approach a female for once. Actually making an effort to seduce a woman, in and of itself, raises the odds of being successful, doesn’t it?
I also think it’s absurd because it assumes women have no interest in being seduced and need to be tricked into it. Women are as eager to be seduced as men are to seduce them. If women are trolling the bars (the PUAs hunting ground of choice) they are usually quite open to hooking up.
And if they’re not, there is little a guy can say or legally do that’s going to convince her.
Am I wrong?
Should we be worried about the PUA industry? Haven’t women been inundated for centuries with tricks and tips and careful instruction on how to attract a man, make him fall hopelessly in love and propose?
Remember The Rules? That book spawned a whole movement of workshops, seminars, DVDs, dating coaches and appearances on Oprah. The Rules told women clever stuff like “respond once for every four of his emails” because that would make him want you more.
Paul Janka, one of the kings of the PUA industry says:
Women… have their ideal guy, their ideal date, and a whole bag of dirty tricks to get everything they want. If you aren’t careful, you’ll end up paying for everything, getting nothing, and wasting your time before being pushed aside to make way for the next chump with a wallet.
Not only that, the average woman is far more adept at the dating game than men are. Think of all the time and money they spend on hair, makeup, clothes and maximizing their seduction value … to say nothing of the superior social intelligence of the average woman and the all the magazines they read full of relationship and sex advice.
Stepping into the dating game unarmed is like stepping into a pool full of piranhas.
I know most of you don’t care about any of this because you’re comfortably ensconced in your forever relationships and right now are saying, “Phew, I’m glad I’m not out there anymore.
But it’s still interesting stuff, isn’t it? And people have been getting help for ages with snagging the opposite sex from shadchanim, to buying affections with gifts, to love potions to Spanish Fly to good old fashioned booze.
So here are some questions for your consideration:
- Do you feel you were ever in your life tricked into sex by some smooth operator?
- Have you ever employed a trick or tip from a magazine or other source to get a man to like you or do something he didn’t want to do?
- Do you resent that men are conspiring in this cold, clinical way to seduce women?
- Here’s an account by a journalist subjected to Paul Janka’s best seduction techniques. Do you think they’d actually work on any woman you know?
- If you’d just spent the night with a guy and then found out he’d was heavily involved in the whole PUA thing, would you feel manipulated? “Raped by deception?”
- Have you ever tricked a woman into having sex with you?
- Do you think PUA training is valuable or necessary?
- If you are or were single, would you ever consider enrolling in a PUA course?
- Here’s an account by a journalist subjected to Paul Janka’s best seduction techniques. Do you think they’d actually work for you?
- Do you feel you’ve ever been manipulated by a woman using tricks she learned from the media and/or at her mamma’s knee?