The Smoochy Couple

They get on the bus every morning.

She is dark and exotic looking with long, curly black hair. She seems young and playful and fun;  like she’d keep you in stitches if you went out for drinks with her. She has a collection of  big, bright, shiny purses – red, yellow, green, orange.

He is husky and  pale and slow and lumbering and seems much older than she is. His hair is light ginger and cropped short. He wears black dress pants every day – even on weekends. He always speaks a little too loudly, in a pedantic monotone. He looks like a guy everyone made fun of as a kid.

As soon as they sit down, he puts his arm around her and they ride that way – laughing and arguing lightly about inconsequential things like whether or not they’re out of soda or whether it’s going to rain on the weekend – all the way to the terminal where he has to get off.  She lets him win every argument. It clearly pleases him.

Just before the bus pulls into the stop, the farewell ritual begins. They kiss loudly, five or six times making “mwah, mwah” smoochy noises.

“I love you,” he says.

“I love you,” she says.

“I love you,” he says.

 “I love you, too, “she says.

 “Call me when you get to work,” he says.

“I will,” she says.

 “I’ll have my cell phone on all day,” he says.

 “I know,” she says.

 “Call me,” he says.

 “I will,” she says.

 They kiss loudly a few more times making “mwah, mwah” smoochy noises.

He stands up.

 “Have a good day,” he says.

 “You too,” she says.

 He leans over to kiss her, loudly twice more, making “mwah, mwah” smoochy noises both times.

He gets off the bus and stands smiling, with his small widely-spaced teeth and thin lips, and waves at her as the bus pulls away.

If she’s on the right side, she presses her hand on the window and smiles back at him.

Her teeth are large and white and her mouth always looks like it’s just been kissed.

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35 responses to “The Smoochy Couple

  1. Christ I hate seeing that kind of stuff. There was a couple in high school a long time ago in a galaxy far far away who made out all the time between classes in the hallway. They’d even lick each other’s faces. Put me off PDA’s.
    Now she she blew him in the hallway that would have been a different story.

  2. Good for them.

    While I’m thinking it’d be easier for them to just get a room, if more relationships were like that, the world would be a better place.

    Then again, he could be paying for her.

  3. Geewits’ comment had me in stitches. Hey, there’s no accounting for taste. Obviously whatever it is, it works real well. Kudos to them.

    But really, maybe they could kiss more, um… silently?

  4. Sounds like what you need is a creepy old man to sit across from them and stare at them, grinning. Maybe feeling himself, too.

    That should set ’em straight!

    – RG>

  5. I love the bus! So many little dramas taking place. It’s fodder for a fertile imagination and a capable writer. I have a few paragraphes jotted in a note book of another couple, a counterpoint to your couple. I should smack it up on my own inactive blog , but I won’t.

  6. Geewits – I don’t know, she seems really fond of him. I’ve been seeing them for almost a year now and it’s always the same. I wonder really, really, really hard what she sees in him. Something, I guess.

    Lebanowski – stuff like this always reminds me of a couple that used to live at the end of our street. They had 9 kids and every evening the couple would stroll around the neighbourhood together holding hands and exchanging kisses and having deep, intimate conversations. Everyone admired how romantic they still managed to be after all those years and all those kids. He was a teacher and one day he skipped town with a fellow teacher. AND managed to take all his money and assets with him. She was left shocked, with 9 young kids, no income and no way to pay her bills. It was the most outrageous thing every to happen in the community. She had to move into a small apartment. I guess they went on welfare or something because they all started to look really bedraggled after a while. I think she ended up under psychiatric care after a while and the older kids just took over the family.

    Ken – Ya – they seem happy enough. Weird, but happy.

    Jazz – I agree – especially about the silently part. Smooch away if you must, but really I shouldn’t hear the smacking all the way down to the back of the bus.

    Grouchy – Are you volunteering?

    Jay – Ah – you have a blog? Why don’t you link us up? And yes, you could really do a whole book of short stories about bus people. I’m going to try and beat you to it!!

    MM – No, it’s been going on for at least a year. Every day. Every morning. Same thing. Never changes. If it was new, I wouldn’t have even mentioned it, but seriously – at LEAST a year. And they’re no spring chickens either. She’s probably about 35 or so; he’s early to mid 40s, maybemore

  7. Awww, that’s cute in an obnoxious kind of way. But still better than hearing people’s crap music blaring out of their headphones on the bus.

  8. Aww…PUKE!!! 😦 😦 😦

    Reminds me of a couple in the cafeteria where I work. They eat lunch together…and share the same common salad in a big Tupperware container.

    EVERY. FREAKING. TIME.

    Yes, I know they’re not hurting anyone. Yes, I know it’s none of my business. Yes, I know people are free to do whatever they want…

    But…for some reason…it just BUGS me.

    I mean..GOD FORBID…should they eat individual meals!

    Pukey couples give me bile.

  9. Grace – Don’t worry, it sounds spring-chickeny to me too. I meant they weren’t teenagers or early 20-somethings to whom all this stuff is still relatively new and amazing.

    Grouchy – Okay. First of all, I do NOT live in the suburbs. There is no second of all.

    Pauline – If he didn’t seem like such a dork compared to her and if they could do it a little less noisily.

    Friar – Everything seems to be pissing you off and making you puke this week. Sharing a salad is kind of gross though. Do they get their own forks or do they feed each other from the same fork? I always thought people drinking out of the same bottle or glass with two straws was kind of yucky too.

  10. My wife and I ride the bus together every morning – but I’m pretty sure we’re not the couple you’re talking about (we live downtown and I have a more varied wardrobe). We also save our PDA (other than maybe holding hands) until we’re off the bus and about to go our separate ways.

    I sometimes wonder what other people on the bus think of us…maybe I don’t want to know!

  11. Yes, I admit I’ve had one of those weeks, where I’m somewhat grumpier than usual.

    But I don’t get pukey couples who have to make public shows of affection like this.

    I think it’s immature Look-at-Me attention getting, specifically done for our benefit.

    Sharing the same salad every day, though…SHeesh.

    If they broke up, who gets custody of the bowl?

  12. Friar – Funny you should say that because that’s exactly what I get off the smoochy bus couple –that they’re putting on some kind of show, for some unfathomable reason. They could at least provide us with the remote on the off-chance that we didn’t want to watch.

  13. Hey, I’m really liking your blog. You blog about a great mixture of topics.

    My brother told me a story about a couple on the bus. He… was massaging her BARE feet. Her very dirty BARE feet. Makes me think twice about holding the poles with my bare hands. Gross!!!

    As for smoochy couples, I want to smack them. I’m all for a smooch or two but when it goes on and on I start to gag. I’ve seen them too… watching to see if they’re being watched. I almost feel ‘used’ like they need my watching eyes to spice up their world.

    Riding the bus is *quite* entertaining.

  14. Okay, there’s PDA and then there’s overkill. That’s, uh, overkill. I mean, sure Jess and I kiss in public–what couple hasn’t at one point or another? But.. wow.

    Is it any possibility they do it for a reaction, knowing at least one person’s sitting there going WTF? If I was the type to do it, that’s probably why I would.

  15. My ex had no problem with pda. Me, on the other hand, am a lot more reserved than that. After reading so many other like-minded opinions, I don’t feel as much of a prude. It always made me feel self-conscience, especially because I was sure it was making others uncomfortable, but the more I whispered to him to cut it out, the more he seemed inclined to do it. Didn’t bode well for our relationship…lol.

    A little is cute, but going overboard is just that…overboard.

  16. They sound wonderful! You know the sameness of the ritual and the description of his voice makes me think maybe he’s an Aspie?.

    In my experience Aspies always end up with this kind of vivacious woman (I was married to an Aspie, there are several around here who are profs at the university and have wild warm partners, and my shy Aspie son is dating a wild theatrical artist)

  17. Davina – Thanks. It’s nice to have you here. Those bus poles have much, much more disgusting stuff on it than bare feet cooties. The things people do with their hands in the course of a day — you don’t even want to think about. That’s the only reason winter is nice – you can wear gloves on the bus.

    James – Ewwwwww…you kiss in public?? Groooosssssss. Just kidding. And you’re right. I always get the impression that they’re putting on a bit of a show. They just talk a little too loudly to intend their conversation to be private. And the loud smacky kisses… Oh well. It’s all part of the fun of the bus.

    Skye – Hello. Are you back from your sabbatical? Ya, I think the European/Montreal tradition of the cheek kiss is nice and perhaps for a more intimate acquaintance you can extend that greeting and farewell gesture a bit, but unless you’re a teenaged couple with no where private to go, probably the other stuff is best left for less public places. Hand-holding, hugging, arms around each other…that’s okay, too. It’s nice, especially when walking in a busy place so you don’t keep losing each other.

    Nat – What was your schtick?

    Mudmama – That’s entirely possible and would explain a few things. Perhaps even a lot of things.

  18. Ug. For my brief stint on the bus, I had a couple even worse than that. The display paired with my early morning grouchiness was not a good mix.

    I was very glad to get my car fixed.

  19. I’m always suspicious of people that kiss that much in public and make big smoochy sounds while doing so. You don’t have to make that ‘mwah mwah mwah’ sound, only if you’re looking for attention or on television.

    A quick kiss or two is fine but there’s no need to make it into a big production. That’s just weird.

  20. This was a good read. I got a good laugh out of it.
    It almost sounds like it’s all for show. Kind of makes me wonder how things are behind closed doors. Also sounds like I see some control issues going on there on his part. In any case, wow! I can’t imagine myself doing that “mwa mwa mwa” I guess I’m just not as lovy-dovy as I should be. LOL!

  21. you missed the operative word
    “inactive blog ”

    I ended up visiting here the first time when I was thinking of renaming it, when a change of host(?) became necessary. I was considering using Urban Pedestrian and Googled it and W-O-W! here you are and from my own town.
    It also amazed me that Friar was here because I came to his blog by way of a long time online friend out of Washington state who was linked to someone who was etc. . . Sometimes it’s a small world after all;o)
    ( I never was sure about the X. Is that as in cross or former or some other unthought of sense?)

  22. Well, duh! Of course I know who you’re speaking of! I musta been brain dead when I read this the first time.
    I dunno – while I’m not into the whole overt display of affection thing, I think it’s cute in an icky kinda way.
    My take on their story is that he is a recently divorced/seperated Dad and she’s a 20-something chick who desperately wants conmittment from a dude… having been burned in the past.
    Or not.
    But I think they really do love or lust each other…good for them!
    The bus is interesting. Yup.

  23. Sky – After a while you often force yourself to travel in a bubble on public transit, so that you stop noticing stuff that doesn’t agree with you.

    Woodsy – Wow. You know you’ve gone too far when…

    Kimberly – Ya, it does often seem more for show than for substance.

    Jessica – It’s funny that you’re the only one who picked up on the “control” thing. I get that from him too. But she looks like she can put him in his place if/when she needs to.

    Jay – If you go to my “About” page, you’ll find the explanation about the X. There was another blogger from Toronto who called herself The Urban Pedestrian at one point. I found her from her first post and introduced myself. After a while she decided to rename her blog and eventually she changed her blog entirely and went private, but we still keep in touch and even got together for a drink when I was in Toronto last. It’s a small world for sure – but a fun one.

    Trashy – Ya, I was expecting you to make a comment without me having to slap you upside the head with it, but ah well. Love and lust is wonderful, but I don’t think they have to share it so overtly with us all every day. And more than the smoochiness is the conversation which maybe you don’t get to hear, but I do since I’m standing right next to them when we exit.

  24. Yeah. Plus I am hard of hearing and never hear a word they say.. and the *smacks* are not as obvious to me….
    Fair ’nuff….

  25. OMG. I’m on a completely different bus and there is an equally smootchy couple sitting right across from me.
    Are they taking over?

  26. Trashy – See? Once you become aware of the smoochy couple, they are everywhere. Just like now that I’ve introduced you to the Cobb salad, you will see references to it everywhere.

  27. Leah – Aside from all the smoochy and kissy talk, what drives me crazy is that he has to have his arm around her for the entire bus ride. Every day. I think I’d get a tad claustrophobic.