Get Poor Quick!!!

Everybody with more than two cents to rub together thinks they’re experts on making YOU rich. Everybody with more than two cents to rub together thinks they can show and/or help YOU get rich. The problem with these “get rich quick schemes” is:

  • These people didn’t get rich by following the stupid advice they’re doling out – like investing in real estate or playing the stock market or starting your own company — they inherited their wealth or married into it and are just dabbling in the market or real estate for fun and just incidentally keep getting richer because that’s what happens when you’re rich;
  • All the getting rich quick advice involves a lot of time, effort and MONEY on your part and nobody wants to spend time, effort and money they don’t have to make the money they want; and,
  • You don’t have a hope in hell therefore of getting rich no matter how hard you try and then you will feel like a failure. And you will also not be rich. Double OUCH!

The Get Poor Quick Potsi Scheme, on the other hand, is guaranteed to work.  No matter what your financial status is right now, by following this “secret formula”, you will be poor in a matter of months with little or no effort on your part. And, you will feel good about yourself for having achieved a goal.

I can guarantee this because I developed this method myself and have used it successfully for years. Yes, that’s right – YEARS! I was not born poor. I did not marry far beneath me in order to become poor. I achieved this all by myself using the Get Poor Quick Potsi Scheme.

You may not believe me, but last month I made $1.23!! The month before that $2.00 and the month before that, $2.37.  And you have my word, that with the Get Poor Quick Potsi Scheme, you will be earning this type of money, too. Not next year, but within the next two to three months!! You have my personal word of honour on that! Yes, you do.

How?

Well, before I tell you — and I know you’re anxious to get yourself on that dirt-packed road to poverty — but first there are 3 important questions you need to ask yourself:

  1. Am I ready to be poor? Really poor?
  2. Do I have what it takes to live the life of a poor person?
  3. Am I ready to invest no effort, no time and no money in order to reach my goals of abject poverty?

If you can answer yes to all these questions with little or no enthusiasm, then you’re ready to become one of the elite 6 or 7 billion truly poor people in the enitre world, if not the universe! That’s right. You heard me correctly!!

And it’s as simple as one, two, three, four, five, six………………

Are you really ready? Then read on and prepare to change your life forever, my friends.

Step One

If you’re in school right now, drop out. If you’ve already saddled yourself with an education — drinking heavily and/or the regular use of cannabis will help kill off many of the brain cells that are currently storing your education. Although you won’t necessarily become rich if you’re educated, you do NOT want to take any chances. So lose those brain cells and follow us deep into the red zone!

Step Two

Develop and maintain an addiction. Nothing eats through those pesky, unwanted  savings faster than blowing them on a good, solid vice. Whether it’s drugs or alcohol, gambling, raising children, pornography or owning sickly pets —  throw yourself into it wholeheartedly, have a good time and before you know it, you’ll have nothing.

Step Three

This one is important. Very important. Do not skip this step!!!

Start borrowing money everywhere you can. I know this seems counterproductive because you think you’ll end up with a lot of money. However, what the ordinary person does not realize is this:

Borrowed money isn’t real money!

No sir. Borrowed money is actually negative money. And when you’re in a negative money situation – you’re poorer than poor!

Let me explain.

Let’s say you max out your credit cards and buy everything you want and everything you think you want; you get the biggest line of credit you can from your bank and buy more stuff;  you take out a second or third mortgage and get the biggest possible house;  you buy a big car with no money down and lots of monthly payments; and then you buy furniture and expensive appliances on a rent-to-own basis.

Now, it may look as if you are in possession of a lot of great stuff and even maybe a nice bundle of cash. However, every month your creditors will demand money from you in return. You can keep paying them month after month after month forever– long after the items purchased have been paid for. Why? Because of a great little thing called “interest”.  It’s interesting because it makes your creditors richer and you poorer until you get to the point where you can’t keep up with the payments and then they come and take your stuff away and you’ll have nothing. Get it? Isn’t it simple?

Yes it is!!!

Step Four

This one is optional, but highly recommended:  Commit a crime, or better yet —  a string of crimes. Nothing guarantees unsuccessfulness like a criminal record. If you commit a lot of stupid, petty crimes, you WILL go to jail and will never have to worry about anyone hiring you ever again! You will never, ever have to worry about an income above three figures ever again!  Be very careful, however, not to become a successful criminal. Successful criminals are rich. Sure, you could still get caught or maybe another, smarter criminal may come along and take all your money from you at gunpoint, but do you really want to take that chance?  It’s best, therefore to stick to small, low-yield crimes at which you can easily be caught.

Step Five

Some of you might already be on the path to poverty and not even know it. Are you in humdrum, dead-end, low-paying job? Are you living paycheque to paycheque? Do your monthly bills often overwhelm your monthly salary? Then you’ve inadvertently hit on a sure-fire way to maintain a certain level of poverty. You can stick with this “accidental half-assed poverty” or you can kick it down a notch (or even two) by implementing any of the other steps in the Get Poor Quick Potsi Scheme.

Step Six

Try not to work at all. I know it’s difficult with people constantly calling you with job offers; with “Help Wanted” signs everywhere; with skyrocketing employment figures. But you can do it. Move to a place with higher unemployment. Do NOT apply for jobs. Do NOT go to job interviews. If you still happen to find yourself employed – quit or arrange to get yourself fired. Not showing up for work every day is an almost fool-proof way of getting fired – unless you’re in politics — in which case you might well find yourself on the receiving end of a big, fat pension. Or even two!! Avoid this pitfall by never running for public office.

 

So! Are YOU ready to be really, really poor? Are you ready to finally see a plan actually turn out exactly as you’d hoped? Are you ready to move your family into a studio apartment above the KFC? Are you ready to dine on nothing but the worst high-carb, high-fat, low-value food no money can buy? Are you ready for Public Transit?

Then put your feet up and send me $899.99 for a hard copy text of the six steps of the Get Poor Quick Potsi Scheme and before you know it, you will be enjoying life at the bottom of the barrel.

But don’t take my word for it. See what other successful unsuccessful clients have to say:

J.K from Albequerque says:  There’s no easier way to lose $899.99 than to send away for the Get Poor Quick Potsi Scheme. I had to borrow money to get it, which I still haven’t paid back. Thank you Potsi!

P.U. from New York City says: I was a millionaire. I had everything money could buy. Beautiful women were throwing themselves at me all the time. I tried retiring and giving it all away,  but my shrewd investments kept paying me gigantic annual dividends. The pressure was killing me. I saw the Get Poor Quick ad online and sent away for it right away. Within 3 months I was flat broke and happier than a pig in shit. Thank you Potsi.

B.O. from on The Road says:  Since I first starting working, I’d been straddling the middle-class line where I worked my ass off and spent my ass off, but I wasn’t getting anywhere. I hated my job, my wife, my kids and everything about my life. A friend recommended Posti’s Get Poor Quick Scheme. You wouldn’t believe how quickly I unloaded my go-nowhere life. Now I’m a hobo – which is all I’ve ever really wanted to be. Thank you Potsi.

F.D. from Ottawa says: I was born into dumpster-diving, squat-living poverty, but because of Stephen Harper’s insanely generous social programs, I was fast-tracked through to a solid grade 10 education and was shuffled into a lucrative  career as a Warshroom Janitor at the Bayshore Shopping Centre. I pretty nearly started to earn almost enough money to get myself on a waiting list to get into public housing — if there’d been any. There was talk of banning me from the Food Bank! The stress was making me ill and I no longer qualified for subsidized prescriptions.  I didn’t know where to turn until I saw an ad for the Get Poor Quick Potsi Scheme on a scrap of paper stuck to the bottom of my shoe. Within weeks, I’d managed to dig myself back into the hole I came from. Thank you Potsi.

Don’t delay! Get your Get Poor Quick step-by-step instructions today! Send $899.99 (by certified money order only – no cheques, please.) to:

Potsi Scheme Incorporated, 565 North Clinton Drive, Milwaukee

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33 responses to “Get Poor Quick!!!

  1. LGS – Who says I DON’T already have the Nobble Prize for Ergonomics?

    Geewits – You haven’t followed all the steps. Also you’ve saddled yourself with a “wage earner”. You have to commit fully if you expect to see results.

    MM – HallelujaH! Tell all your friends.

    Skye – This isn’t some sort of flim-flam, you know. However, just for you, I will double your fees if you sign up a friend TODAY!

  2. I think you need to put this all into an E-book and sell it on-line.

    Also, hire yourself as a “Poor Coach”. Charge people $250.00 an hour to talk to you on the phone, in one-on-one “How to Poorify Yourself” consultations.

  3. Thanks XUP!
    I will start following your 6 step plan RIGHT AWAY!
    BUT, $899.99 might not be the kick start to my poorification that I need. And that worries me.
    A lot!
    SO, I will send $899.99 to EVERYONE who posts a comment on your site today!
    Yup – that is the head start that I need!

  4. Friar – Those all sound like great money-MAKING ideas, but I’ve really been trying to watch that my income doesn’t get ahead of my expenses.

    Smothermother – Good for you! It feels really good to achieve a goal, doesn’t it?

    Ellie – Yes, I do. I know it. I live it. I teach it. Can I sign you up?

    Trashy – That’s the spirit. You learn well, grasshopper.

    Loth – He’s attaining his goals. Loth. Now it’s up to YOU to attain yours. Can I put you down for 2 Get Poor Quick kits?

    Jamine – I’m planning on self-publishing. That’s a pretty reliable money-pit.

  5. Develop and maintain an addiction. Nothing eats through those pesky, unwanted savings faster than blowing them on a good, solid vice.

    I don’t think anybody develops an addiction by choice.

    There is definitely an extent to which susceptibility is genetic, and it is plausible to say that many addictions arise because of the incorrect operation of the brain’s reward centres. The same neurological processes that make people feel accomplished when they do things they are proud of can help to trap people in addictions.

    In short, I don’t think addictions are something that people stumble into because they are careless or stupid. Rather, they are serious afflictions that affect many people and don’t necessarily indicate immorality or a lack of will.

  6. I don’t need a kit, thanks.

    I’ve got two kids.

    [And I’m taking public transit, so I’m already on my way 😉 ]

  7. I can’t believe you are now trying to speed up the going broke process. I went broke organically by constantly spending more than I earned and I’m proud of it. Sure it took longer than it might have but I have the satisfaction of knowing I did it all by myself and the certainty that no matter if I get an inheritance or anything else I know how to deal with it and return to a state of poverty without needing help from anyone.

  8. Milan – Ya, I find it very difficult sometimes to try to write something humorous whilst still maintaining absolute scientific/medical/legal/psychological accuracy.

    Ken – Hey! Good for you. I hope you’ve burrowed yourself deeply, deeply in debt as well? Close out those savings accounts, RESPs, RRSPs mister!

    Jazz – I like your attitude, young lady! Sometimes doing absolutely nothing at all is the best way.

    Dave1949 – Not everyone has your wherewithoutal. You should be proud and maybe now that you’re comfortable you might want to give back by helping others more fortunate than you?

    OC – Clearly. As always.

  9. I am acquainted with a few people who spend large quantities of cash on lottery tickets. Until today I thought they were trying to get rich. Now I realize they are using one of the early versions of the Get Poor Quick Potsi Scheme. The obvious flaw is they might win “the big one” and ruin their best efforts to stay poor.

  10. Soooo… This is your Blog Out Loud selection, right? RIGHT?! It better be because I need to laugh my ass off a second time. Thank you, Potsi!

  11. People are so gullable I’m sure this scheme will fly. I have bought lottery tickets because I’m hopeful-don’t know why.

  12. You really need Vince the “Slapchop-you’ll love my nuts” guy selling this. Sadly Billy Mayes is dead.

  13. OC – Yes, gambiling is a sure-fire way to get poor fast.

    The Maven – Howdy stranger! Hmmm, okay. I may read this at BOLO. We’ll see. I might come up with something really good before then though?? What? It could happen!

    Jobthingy – Are you and the Mave in cahoots?

    Linda – You could be my European distributing agent, if you want. We could both lose our shirts if we go international. Whaddya say?

    Lebowski – YES! A good aggressive sales-pitch on some cable channel and I’ll drive the continent into an economic downward spiral faster than the Bush administration.

  14. I love the part about “Borrowed money isn’t real money!” It’s amazing how many people can’t seem to get their head around that.

    Mmmm…high-carb, high-fat, low-value food. Sign me up!

  15. “Are you ready for Public Transit?”

    Ha! Considering how the cost of riding the bus keeps going up, I think public transit is starting to become a luxury! (Albeit a stuffy, smelly, uncomfortable one)

  16. Meanie – No catch, baby. Totally fool-proof. Call today!!! Don’t delay!!!

    MaryLynn – I know, eh? I thought that was pretty clever of me. If more people understood that, including bankers, we wouldn’t be in this “economic crisis”.

    Pauline – It may cost as much as a luxury, but has all the ambience of a cattle drive.

  17. Sean – Thanks and thanks!

    Kimberly – I think I could bundle that for you. But it will cost a little extra.