Time Warp

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once. – Einstein

Geewits posted a rather brilliant discussion the other day in which she “scientifically” and “mathematically” proves that days are not all the same length and that, as we’ve long suspected, Saturdays and Sundays are much shorter than other days of the week.

Time is weird like that.

Every philosopher and physicist that ever walked the planet has a theory about time. Every science fiction movie, book or television show has a theory about time. None of them believe time is just the unidirectional progression most of us take for granted.

There are theories of time being relative;  of all time existing all at once;  of time not existing at all and many, many variations of one or more of these.

I don’t even pretend to understand most of these theories. But I do have my own philosophies about time:

  • You can’t save time. Time is, in fact, not money or anything like money. No matter how many corners you cut or how many time-saving devices you have or time-saving tricks you employ, time will go by. You can hoard your money to spend later on. But, no matter how much time you save, there will never be a bucket of saved-up time from which you may draw. By the same token, you also can’t spend time. You do not possess time, so you can’t dole it out.
  • You can’t waste time. There is no such thing as “time quality” or “quality time”. Time just is. It’s you that’s being wasted or not wasted. The activities in which you chose to engage over the course of your life do nothing to make time better or worse. They only make you better or worse.
  • Time is neither fleeting nor running out. Time doesn’t crawl, fly or stop. Stop anthropomorphizing time. By doing that, you’re only pushing off responsibility for your own life on a barely-understood concept – like god. And like god, time is also not on your side. Time is non-partisan. 
  • Time does not heal all wounds. If you get shot in the head, you can wait a really long time and it will not get better. 
  • You can’t kill time. But time will undoubtedly kill you.
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19 responses to “Time Warp

  1. Those last two really crack me up. This just proves that you are the coolest blogger of all time. But only time will tell.
    (And I always liked the reverse one that “Time wounds all heels.”)
    And don’t you love how The Rolling Stones had two different opinions on time? “Time waits for no one and it won’t wait for me” and “Time is on my side, yes it is.” I think time is fun. But then, I think everything is fun. Until someone loses an eye.

  2. Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon album expresses the passing of time very eloquently.

    “The sun is the same in a relative way, but you’re older
    Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.”

    Those lyrics didn’t mean that much to me when I was in my 20’s. But they seem to hold more meaning now that I’m (…er) middle-aged.

    Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death.

    Good Lord. Pretty heavy stuff.

  3. Time does not heal all wounds. If you get shot in the head, you can wait a really long time and it will not get better.
    You can’t kill time. But time will undoubtedly kill you.

    Those made me laugh out loud, someone in the office now thinks I’m insane.

  4. Dr. Monkey – I don’t even know why a “time out” is a punishment. I would love for someone to tell me to just sit quietly somewhere and do nothing a few times a day!

    Geewits – Me? The coolest blogger of all time? Are you just saying that because I keep linking to your blog? The Rolling Stones have a very “special” relationship with time anyway, dontcha think?

    Friar – Good old Pink Floyd. So wise – especially because they knew when it was time to pack it in and didn’t go on and on and on performing as some ancient mummified horrorshow replicas of themselves like some other rockers we could name.

    Dave – Gosh, thanks. I’m very complex you know.

    Jazz – You’ve had them fooled all this time?

  5. @XUP

    ….Unlike the “Classic Rock” stations, which (God Forbid) never let 30 minutes go by without playing a something from Floyd.

    Someone ought to tell the Programming Managers: “There WERE other groups in the 70’s, you know… “

  6. @Friar,

    That brings me back. Sitting in Gr 13 calculus, trying to concentrate on a test, with the theatre arts class right below us playing the alarm clock opening to “Time” over and over and over again. That test seemed to last forever.

    It’s like no time has passed at all. Like it was just yesterday. Or, (to date myself further), time keeps flowing like a river, to the sea (Alan Parsons).

    Hey. It’s time to go home.

  7. Time is what we all want more of, but never fully take advantage of what time we do have.

    I have tons of free time, but do use it less efficiently than I could. Guess what though, my quality of life is pretty good and I generally have no stress. Despite what most people believe, it is not necessary to be busy all the time to enjoy life. For me there is nothing better than sitting somewhere quiet drinking a cup of coffee and relaxing. If all my days could be like that I would be the happiest man alive.

  8. Cedar – Time consuming?

    Friar – The other morning they woke me up to AC/DC…that was very unpleasant.

    Alison – No party was complete without hours of Dark Side of the Moon.

    Sean – Free time and efficiency don’t go together. If it’s free time you can do or not do whatever the heck you want.

    Kim – Can I come with?

  9. Kim – Yes. A very good year. I’d be afraid though that I’d be tempted not to want to go through the entire relationship that resulted in my daughter though. But I’d still want my daughter, so I’d probably have to go through the whole relationship again and I really don’t want to, so maybe we could just go into the future a bit and see what’s in store?

  10. This is pretty much why I try so hard to spend the majority of my time on things that are enjoyable. I mean, if time is a revolving account and you have to spend it, well, why not spend it mostly on things you love? Especially when you think of it this way – which is hilarious of course – you can’t help but think, wait, what am I spending my time on?? And why?!?

  11. Hallie – I know. I find it really depressing that have to spend so many hours of my day stuck in my cubicle. But I have to do this right now to meet my responsiblities to my kiddie. If it were just me I would absolutely not be here doing this.

    Julia – Bwah – ha ha

    Leah – It does, doesn’t it?

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