Things I Used to Think About

Once when I was about 8 or 9 I asked my mother, “How old are you when you stop liking candy?” I never saw (or noticed) my parents or any other grown-up eat candy. I figured grown-ups had lots of money and could do and eat whatever they wanted to and since they chose to eat stuff like vegetables and lentils instead of candy, they must not like candy. To reinforce this logic, I also noticed that I liked candy less than my younger siblings, ergo I must be well on my way to being a grown-up.

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I used to think that if someone would just sit down and explain to criminals that what they were doing is wrong, they would stop doing it. Because no one would deliberately do something wrong. So, making them aware of the rules ahead of time seemed a lot more efficient than packing them in jail after they’d already stolen something or hurt someone.

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While stubbornness is not usually one of my failings, no one could convince me, as a child, that dogs came in any other colours aside from brown and black. I guess I’d only ever seen white or grey dogs in wintertime and believed they were just covered in snow.

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The little blinking signal lights inside our car were a great mystery to me. The only thing I could figure was that the car somehow knew where we were going and flashed that dashboard light on the right or left to tell my dad which way to turn. I plagued him with questions about it, but he just made up even crazier stories about the magical properties of the automobile.

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I used to think that when you went somewhere by airplane that “they” only packed you into the plane and sent you up in the air so that “they” could rearrange things on earth so that it would look different when you came back down. I don’t know why this seemed more logical to me than the idea of actual other countries.

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