Cougarology

The table next to us quickly filled up with young guys in their late teens/early twenties. We were half-way through our lunch; they, still bleary-eyed with sleep were just ordering breakfast.

“So, what did you guys do last night?” says Guy #1

Guy #2 answers, “Not much. Hit a couple of clubs.”

Guy #1 comes back with, “Anything good?”

Guy #3 responds, “Nah, everything was full of, like, cougars.”

Guy #4 pipes in, “It sucked, man. Nuthin’ but old women.”

Guy #5 clarifies, “Ya, there wasn’t one chick, like, under 30.”

“No way!” exclaims a shocked Guy #1.

They carry on talking about the horror, freak-show of women over 30 out dancing, trying to pick up young guys.

Celebrities like Demi Moore, Naomi Watts, Joan Collins, Susan Sarandon have made the cougar concept popular, though still ridiculable. It was actually a Canadian dating site (Cougardate.com) that first coined the term, though.

The general definition of a cougar is a woman over 40[1] who sexually pursues younger men. The men, called “cubs” are typically at least 8 years younger, though some cougars say the men have to be under 25.

I don’t get the attraction. At all. On either side. Cougars say they like the young guys because they’re more adventurous and energetic and come with less baggage.  [I think this translates into “I can’t bring myself to have sex with a fat, bald, wrinkly old man”]

Cubs say they like older women because they’re experienced, know what they want and don’t play games.  [I think this translates into “old broads are easy lays”]

Some cougars just slap on a lot of make-up, push-up bras and slutty clothes and go out to clubs trolling for boys. Other cougars spend all their non-trolling hours in the gym or spa getting firmed-up, de-wrinkled and youthified and/or at the cosmetic surgeon getting nipped and tucked.

I envy that these 40 and 50-year-old women still have the energy and stamina to keep up with a 20-year-old. I’m no couch potato or anything, but I like to spend a good portion of my bedtime, sleeping.

Is it just sex these women are after? What would a 45-year-old have to talk about with a 22-year-old, for instance? You have absolutely no frames of reference in common. Their heads are full of hopes, dreams and unrealistic plans for their future. They think the 1980s are retro. Your head is full of memories, experiences, hurts, concerns, regrets and retirement plans. You were on your second marriage and had 3 kids by the end of the 1980s.

Every 6-months or so we get a new crop of 20-something students at our workplace[2] We interact with them — mainly about work stuff. Sometimes we have inter-generational non-work-related conversations. While some are more tolerable than others, I haven’t come across any yet that I’d want to have intimate or personal conversations with on a day-to-day basis.[3]

As for physical attraction? That I really don’t get. Yes, some of them are firm and maybe even buff. And most of them still have hair, but so what? Their faces are bland. Their characters are still half-formed. Not much of anything shows in their eyes. All that baggage cougars find so irksome in older men – all that baggage cougars try to erase from their own faces —  is often what makes them (or any person)  interesting.

How much fun is a blank slate? A book without words? A picture without colour or hue or tone or shading?

And how do you even date someone who’s around the same age as your kids? That’s just Jerry Springer creepy.  When one of the guys at work makes some slavering remark about one of the 20-year-old female students and he has a daughter at home that same age, I always say, “Ewwww! What’s wrong with you? She’s your daughter’s age!”

Then he says, “Ya. So? She’s not my daughter.”

Then I say, “Ya, but she’s somebody’s daughter and somebody else your age could be saying and thinking things like that about your daughter.”

Sometimes that shuts them up. Sometimes it just makes them look really confused. Sometimes they don’t care. These are not the type of older men I was referring to above who are so interesting because of their “character.”

What do you think? Are you interested in dating much younger people? (Or would you be if you weren’t in your current relationship)? Do you find much younger people attractive? Or, if you’re a young person, would you or are you interested in much older people? Have any of you ever dated far outside of your age group? Any by “far” I would think anything over 15 years. 


[1] The definition sometimes stretches to women over 35. Woman younger than that who pursue much younger men are called “Pumas” – cougars-in-training

[2] I believe this is some form of “scared straight” type of punishment meted out by universities for students who are not “pulling their socks up”. Half a year in a government office tends to really motivate them into doing well at school so they can get real jobs when they graduate.

[3] Young people can be somewhat interesting if they’re family or friends of family. And most young people can be interesting in small doses. But the idea of having an intimate relationship with one just seems boring.

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57 responses to “Cougarology

  1. I’m 45. Theoretically I could have a 20 year old girlfriend.

    Who (theoretically, especially in this town) could be young enough to be my grandaughter.

    But would I really WANT to?

    As much as they might look hot…No…not really.

    Because what’s inside their head?…. The personality of someone just out of high school.

    “Like, you know…whateverrrr. Like, let’s go to the mall, and then go clubbing. And then I’m like, OMG!…You know… ”

    Yeesh. That would just not work for me.

  2. Largest dating age gaps I have accomplished was a girl 11 years younger and a woman 40 years older. I still cling to my belief that men are more visually driven than women and certainly the 20 somethings are physically attractive but the tiny bit of common sense I have left tells me that anyone born after the Beatles broke up isn’t likely to have anything very interesting to share with me in the long run. That is certainly not to say they aren’t bright and smart but like you mention the things they are interested in are things that for the most part I can say. Been there done that and got the t shirt.

  3. Nope, I don’t get it at all. I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near a club now, and I didn’t like them too much when I was in my 20s. I usually like the look of someone who is about 5-10 years older than me…though my husband happens to be 3 months younger. But it works because he looks a lot older 🙂

  4. When I was a very young (23!) teacher, I found myself sexually interested in one of my senior students, age maybe 15. Ouch! Took me a while to work my way out of it, including confession to a most unhelpful pastor. The interest bit happened again a few years later with a remote family member, also 15. Horrible. I have no idea why. I found the whole thing completely upsetting; as if I were not in control of what my brain did. However, I have never had an episode since. I can’t imagine actually inviting someone that younger into my sex life.
    Hmm – should I say that I never came close to having any inappropriate contact with those boys? Just for the record.

  5. Mary G: Please tell me that you are really Miss K, my Grade 10 geography teacher, that the vibes I was picking up from you were real, and not just my crazy hormones making me carry my books in FRONT of me on the way out of class.

    Dave 1949: The Beatles? Oh, wasn’t that Paul McCartney’s band before Wings?

    XUP: Oh, XUP, XUP, XUP. The very basis of your treatise here is all wrong. You’re thinking of it from a female perspective. You need to look at it from a young male point of view, and the young male’s lack of baggage. All that young stud is worried about is scoring. Those young guys in the restaurant were either all latent homosexuals, or were just in the wrong bar the night before, and none of the cougars were hot enough. I suppose it could happen.

  6. I have never commented before, was kind of afraid to, LOL. I have seen some of the discussions on here. Anyway, I do follow, and felt like I had to comment on this one.
    I was married to a man that is 21 years older than me. It was the best relationship I have ever been in (and he says so too), but in the end he gave me 2 children (which he was too old to have at 50, and probably really didn’t want) then he cheated on me and I left him. I have been told I have an “old soul” and I have never got along with people my age, and definitely no one younger.
    These circumstances are probably not always the case, we just had such a special connection that I miss dearly (he says he does too), but I will not condone cheating ever, so I moved on, hoping one day I can love again, like I did him! I am dating a man now that is only 4 years older than me and it lacks big-time, but he is a good man and not a cheater, and he loves my babies, so I keep him around.
    I know this whole comment sounds crazy because he ended up cheating on me…… but really we had a great relationship, and got along great, then when the babies came things changed.
    Please don’t bash me……LOL……I am going through a hard enough time as it is.

  7. While everyone is an individual, I have to admit that I find very young guys-18-25- repulsive. Even when I was in that age bracket, I tended to be more attracted to older men, since they not only had more brains and character, they were a tad more mature. (Obviously this doesn’t apply to ALL older men)

    But I give props to women for doing what they want, regardless of their age. If they want a younger guy, then go for it!

  8. Friar – Interesting. I’m pretty sure not every middle-aged guy thinks like that though. I’m sure lots of guys would jump at the chance to have a hot young think on their arm. Look at creepy old Hugh Hefner at 80+ with his 20-something bunnies.

    Dave – A woman 40 years older? Yikes. How old were you? And was it a slidey ride?

    Finola – Ya, I reckon it’s a good thing to have a husband a few years younger because marriage DOES seem to age them rapidly. Ha ha.

    SDI-PRS – Hello person with a strange and mysterious moniker. I agree. It would give me the heebie-jeebies if one of my daughter’s teenaged male friends thought that way about me.

    Mary – Why you naughty thing you! Did you have some sort of powerful sexual stimulus when you were in your early or mid-teens and so the sight of an attractive young male brings that association back? That’s usually the reason for kinks. Are you still interested in 15-year-old boys? Do you have sons? How did you feel about them when they were 15? How about their friends at that age? Tell Dr. Freud all about it. (No, really. Please don’t)

    Bob – I don’t know, Bob. Why would a young guy want an old broad when old guys don’t even want old broads and young guys have a really good chance of getting a young broad, which the old guys usually don’t – unless they have lots of money. I did allude to the notion that it’s just easier to get an old broad into bed than a young one. But still…they’re old… It would be really cool though if Mary turned out to be your teacher.

    Mommie – Why would you be afraid to comment? That’s crazy. Do I bash people? Only really nasty people. Or sometimes I do it in fun to people I know really well. I would never be mean to a new commenter (unless they were mean first). Anyway, thank you for finally doing so. It’s sad that your relationship with what sounds like the love of your life broke up. Sometimes it IS possible to get through an infidelity and be a stronger couple because of it. Of course if you can never trust him again, then it won’t work. I don’t like to see anyone settle for second best – it’s not fair on anyone. But I do understand loving someone, but not being able to be in a relationship with them anymore. I hope you’ll comment again!

    Pauline – Cougars say men are pretty much the same at whatever age. That they don’t mature just because they get older. They just acquire more baggage. Like you said, I guess it depends on the man. I wonder if cougars feel younger with a boy in their bed? I understand it makes men feel younger to have a sweet young thing. I would feel positively ancient with a 25-year-old.

  9. No. Absolutely not. The very thought makes me cringe. I refuse to top into bed with anyone I might have babysat. End of discussion.

    On the other hand, though I fail to understand why you’d have to have a name for women who date younger men and why call them Cougars (?), I gotta say more power to them. If you’re into screwing younger people go for it – men have been doing it forever and no one bats an eye.

  10. Thanks XUP, you made me feel welcome, so I will comment again….. I may not have known you were friends with some of the people that comment on here, so I got the wrong impression, sorry.
    I do agree about settling for 2nd best (not good), but you are right sometimes you just can’t be with that person. He has had a 180 degree turn around and is going down a bad road with drugs, alcohol, and many women now, since he lost his family he gave up caring about anything anymore. But he never tried to get us back, it was like he didn’t want to stop, something had taken hold of him.

    I think your blog is great by the way…. and yours was the first I started reading (don’t even know how I stumbled upon it) but it introduced me to this whole blogging community. thanks:)
    I also loved your post about true love, and is it lost forever, based on XUP, Jr. and friends saying there is no such thing anymore……I still believe in it (or hope it will find me again one day).

  11. XUP, XUP, XUP, you missed my point again!
    Young guys who do Cougars aren’t looking for a relationship. They’re just looking for some of that “Wham, bam, thank you, Ma’am”, no strings attached.

  12. After my ex left, a friend of mine gave me a copy of ‘Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men’ by Valerie Gibson. As a joke. Honest. I did read it though, and it was about as good as you might expect. An excerpt:

    “What is a Cougar?

    She’s the new breed of single, older woman – confident, sophisticated, desirable and sexy, she knows exactly what she wants. What she wants is younger men and lots of great sex.
    What she doesn’t want is children, cohabitation or committment. It’s an irresistible combination for younger men who are more-than-willing to meet these sleek and sexy single women. So, if you’re a cougar (at any age) get ready to find out how to meet, catch and enjoy the perfect younger man and make them, and you, purr with pleasure!”

    See what I mean? Not exactly Giller prize material.

    But the BEST thing about the book was when my ex was over visiting the kids, and saw it on the bookshelf. The look on his face was *priceless*.

    As for your question, I can admire a well built younger guy, in much the same way that I’d admire Michaelangelo’s David. In an artistic kind of way.

    But the few guys I’ve been interested in since I’ve been single again have been 3 to 5 years older than I am. Experience and character do definitely count for something.

  13. for a one nighter i can see being with a younger guy (not a whole lot of focus on talking taking place) but i felt kinda dirty when i was crushing on zac efron.
    i’m mostly attracted to older men (older than me); character, confidence (not cockiness) go a long way for me.

  14. I was 23 and I worked on the lakers for a summer.
    The cook and I hit it off and it was a fine summer. She knew I was leaving and was made very aware that it would only be a fling. I got great good and quite fine sex and although I knew she was much older but it wasn’t till the end of the summer when the crew through her a bd/retirement party that I learned how much older. I swear though she didn’t look a day over 50.

  15. Jazz – I think old guys doing with young girls are called pervs. I don’t understand how you wouldn’t feel about 100 with a fresh youngster naked next to you?

    Mommie – Yes, I realized when I went to read your blog, that there are some big time issues with your older man. I ignore what I said about him above.

    Friar – Yes, women are soooooo mature at 25. Best of luck.

    Bob – I believe that’s exactly the point I’ve made twice now. So would you go for a 70-year-old if she was easy?

    Alison – Ya, artistic… You’re bringing the book tomorrow, right?

    Meanie – Nah, even for a one night stand…I reckon you’d have to be in really good shape not to feel inadequate next to a 20-year-old. Or is that just me?

    Dave – You can blame all sorts of things on the treatments now. Cool. Just like that guy who got away with sexually assaulting his babysitter because he was on medication.

  16. Okay…25 is apparenlty too young. So what age is appropriate for me to date, then?

    You know, this is one of the reasons why I’m still single. Too many self-imposed restrictions and rules.

  17. I don’t get it either. I do subscribe to “whatever makes your boat float”…but having sex with a man young enough to be my son doesn’t do it for me. I bet my husband will be happy to hear that. lol The word cougar makes me cringe. Has anyone heard of the term puma? I think it might be an older cougar. (double cringe)

  18. Friar – Whatever “rules” there are shouldn’t really matter if it works for you. If you’ve got yourself a 25-year-old and you’re both happy, don’t listen to anyone who gives you grief over it. (As long as she’s finished university, of course. You don’t want to get stuck paying her tuition.)

    MM – Obviously you’re not reading the footnotes. I mention “puma” and define it. Harumph!

  19. Ugh, I agree with you — I can’t imagine having even a small fling with a much younger man. For starters, I’d spend 90% of my time trying to hide every single part of my body. The other 10% of the time I’d be trying to think of something to say. Even on TV, hot young things that are supposedly hunky no longer interest me — I’m always swoony over men my age with complex personalities and plenty of smarts.

    Guess I’m all growned up!

  20. One of the things I anticipated about going back to college at nearly 40 was looking forward to window shopping the young guys. I imagined there would be many pleasant distractions.

    I was sorely disappointed. There was actually so very little of interest to admire in the way of cute guys… I believe my tastes are now somewhat divergent from what their generation finds attractive.

    That being said, I did form an attachment with one specific sweet young thing. He was an intellectual, lived inside his head a lot, and we killed many happy hours sitting in a quiet corner of the college between classes and talking about life, philosophy, religion, coding etc etc. I also found him inexplicably hella cute and decided to see if I could wile him with my charms.

    A novice cougar, I managed to scare the timid wild thing away completely when I suggested that we celebrate our last exam by going downtown to dance. Eyes round with shock, he said “But you have kids and everything!” (referring to my stepchildren.)

    That was pretty much the end of an amazing friendship, at least from my perspective, and certainly the end to my aspirations of being a cougar… until my next semester, anyhow. Maybe the guys will be cuter then. 🙂

  21. ……..mmmmmmmm, I got nothing.
    But this…..
    In my late 30’s early 40’s I dated a 18 year old. Was tasty but not very fulfilling. Sex was great though!

  22. Alison – Are we going to share it with the married ladies, too?

    MM – Why do you need caffeine to read footnotes?

    Lynn – Aw! We’re grown-ups! Either that or we demand our bed partners have more flab and wrinkles than we do.

    Susan – Why you hussy, you! Whatever would your beloved say? Or do you go home and tell him all about your little seductions….(no, nevermind…TMI)

    Lebowski – I thought there was more than one sweet young thing in your past? And how do you go from an 18-year-old to a woman your own age? That seems like it would take some adjusting.

  23. I love flirting with “boys” when I’m in a bar. We always have something to talk about, usually sports, especially during college basketball season because I do not have any women friends that can talk about college basketball. I think they are fun, fresh and amusing and not all of them are blank slates. One young bartender lost his dad and favorite uncle in the same week. I was touched that he chose to share his grief with me. As far as the sex part, although I do not indulge, I get it. Some of those guys are super cute. I think they represent the “too cute” guys you wouldn’t have had the nerve to approach when you were their age. And as far as the reverse attraction, the “boy” knows this woman is not going to try to get married to them or be all 8th grade about everything. That’s what they mean about not playing games. Many girls in their 20’s act the same as in junior high school with maybe some extra drama thrown in. I think it’s all fun and games as long as no one loses an eye.

  24. Like Finola, my husband is four years younger, but he looks like Santa Clause at 90, so it all evens out.
    I was once married to a man 15 years older than myself. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER again. I was his trophy and too young and stupid to realize it.
    When 26, I had a short fling with a fellow of 19. Loved that guy but he went off to college and realized how young he was.
    I am equal opportunity. There are young/old people and old/young people.
    Personally, if Viggo doesn’t care about the 10 year age difference, why should I????

  25. For me, it all comes down to conversation – I mean, you still have to actually TALK to the other person initially even if all you want is to have sex with them. And I agree, conversation can be pretty tough with the young ones, since their frame of reference is as radically different from yours as their age is. That being said, PG is three years younger than me and even that felt weird at first, for some reason. But really, at our age, three years doesn’t even count, so we’re still having wonderful – uh – um – conversations. Yes, conversations. Lots of conversations.

  26. To answer your question: I am no longer one of those young guys in my 20s, but thanks; and hell yeah, if that 70-year-old was really hot and I was jonesin’ for some of that sumpin’-sumpin’.

    (I was going to say “…one of those HORNY young guys…” but that would have been redundant)

  27. I have two women friends, one 40, one almost 60, and they both have boyfriends in their 20’s. I think they both have young spirits-they are more interested in the latest music, fashion, etc. Both are very attractive and lively and attract men easily. I don’t get it myself but to each his own.

  28. This is a very topical post, from a UK perspective. I don’t know if it made the news in Canada but the Ulster First Minister’s (read Northern IrishPrime Minister) Peter Robinson’s sixty year old wife Iris (yes! Mrs Robinson- you couldn’t make this stuff up!) confessed to an affair with a 19 year old. She’s known this boy since he was 9.

    She’s also an MP, and had the influence to procure him £50,000 to set up a business (of which she took £5,000 as a kickback).

    She is the ultimate so called Cougar.

    Funnily enough I can see the attraction for a young lad but not really that much of one for the woman- as you say, what would they talk about. Ha! Well seeing I’m missing the point of the whole relationship!

    Could I bring myself to have sex with a lad a good half my age? Good grief- I was even that keen on nineteen year old boys when I WAS nineteen!

  29. MM – Ah. It’s always good to have a few all-purpose excuses in your back pocket.

    Geewits – Aren’t you the naughty little flirt! If the attraction to older women is that younger women are too 8th grade, does that imply boys in their late teens/early 20s are that much more mature than girls at that age?

    Savanvleck – Wow, you were a trophy wife AND a cougar! You got it all goin’ on…as they say.

    Finola – I haven’t seen that. I don’t have cable. I think that might be a good thing??

    Pinklea – Pffft…3 years when you’re getting on in decades doesn’t count for much. He more or less grew up in the same era as you, you’re not old enough to be his mom – so sure…the conversation is bound to be captivating…

    Bob – I can totally see you with a hot 70-year-old! Totally! Any takers out there?

    Lebowski – I meant in a physical sense. I mean, one would be kind of pointy and bouncy while the other would be squishy and slidey, no?

    Linda – Really? 60 with a 20 year old? Hmmm. Do these women have money? Is that part of the attraction? Very odd, but I guess to each his own, right?

    MisssyM- Yes, that DID make the news here. We’re very cosmopolitan and report sex scandals from all over the world. Politics, not so much. So, while we’d never heard of the Robinsons before this, they’re now making a splash.

  30. Never taught Geography. Never learned any, actually.
    I don’t think I’m kinked but who can really know for sure.
    I really, really despise older men who slaver over teenaged girls! Yuck.

  31. Damn! I was just looking for some confirmation that Miss K (who was actually a home ec teacher, but taught us geography) shared my 15-year-old boy hormone-induced lust.
    Ah, well, a boy can dream.

  32. I’m with Meanie on this one. If it’s a one nighter, you’d surprised how little conversation it takes. (Or it used to take…)

    But I have friends that are a lot younger than I am. (The youngest are in their late 20s.) And we have many things in common, sometimes the difference is good. Different ways of looking at the world.

  33. Have you watched 40plus balding men with under 23 nubile women?The media, roads, work places etc are fullll of them.It often makes me puke and I looong for the day when older women with younger men will be as common as that

  34. I enjoy the flirting part but I’m not stupid enough to think there is anything there.

    A lot of my friends do think that when an 18 year old waitress is nice to them it means she wants them though..

    At one point I thought this was just a “dumb” guy thing. Now I see it’s a “dumb” woman thing as well..

  35. Both have their virtues…..
    But now I’d rather have a nice chat after wards…..
    about something other then the latest gossip about Brittany Spears………

  36. I spend a good chunk of my working day talking with young ladies between the ages of 14 and 18. The thought of being in a relationship with one of them… I just can’t imagine it. They are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum from me… an old bald fat ugly guy. In a way, they are almost like a completely different species.

    It reminds me of the old Sholom Aleichem line “A dog may love a fish… but where would they build a home together?”

  37. Mary – Hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a little kink…though I think 15 is still illegal, isn’t it? And really, you should have said you were, in fact Miss K. And then you and Bob could have gotten together for a coffee and reminisced about long ago unfulfilled lust.

    Bob – I still think it’s her, Bob. The geography thing just threw her off for a minute.

    Nat – Of course differences are good. I have young friends too and they’re great to chat with over a drink or lunch or something, but I don’t want them for a life partner.

    Ramble – That’s a bit harsh. I’m sure the young women are in the relationship for their own reasons and are happy to be there – at least most of them.

    Glen – I know eh? That’s funny…”Hey, that waitress digs me, man.” I don’t know what the cougars are thinking. As you say, a little flirting is fine, but beyond that??

    Lebowski – “Nice chat?” You don’t fall asleep right afterwards? Are you feeling okay?

    Daniel – Okay, now you’re just fishing for compliments. You’re middle-aged, not old. You’re follicly challenged, not bald. You’re husky and getting less husky every day, not fat. And you’re certainly not ugly. So shut up. (Ah, Sholom Aleichem – aka Sholom Naumovich Rabinovich…is there anything he doesn’t have a pithy saying for?)

  38. How “Wham, bam, thank you, Ma’am” could be “lots of great sex”?

    I never had a guy 20 years younger in my bed, so I would not mind to try it once, just to have my own opinion about the experience. But I would not expect great sex from wham-bam kind of encounter. Most of women do not get anything out of wham-bam simply because it is not physiologically possible.

  39. I work with a woman who is 25 and very attractive. The men come in and out of our office just to see her. One of the guys said to me, you must love working with S. all day long and when I asked why he said because you are a dyke and she is gorgeous. I said WTF Dude she is young enough to be my daugher, that is just gross. I can’t even MAKE UP stuff to talk to her about. Our topics are usually the issues she is having with her boyfriend and why their relationship is so difficult and he is ….49. It is hard some times not to take my scissors out of my desk drawer and stab myself through the heart and put myself out of my pain. Men are pigs….really.

  40. Joanna – You have a point. How fulfilling is a dirty quickie, anyway? And while I’ve never had a man 20 years younger in my bed either, I don’t think I actually need to experiment with it to know I don’t think I’d like it much.

    Cedar – Put away the scissors. 25-year-olds are exhausting – mentally and physically, I know. I’m not sure that it’s so much piggishness as far as men are concerned as that they just don’t have a clue sometimes. If it gives them a boner, it’s their god given right to follow through maybe? I don’t know. Of course some of the men commenting here seem very mature and not at all piggish, so we don’t want to tar them all with the same brush, right?

  41. i’ve never been attracted to younger men. i think there are some younger men that are wise beyond their years, but i doubt i’d ever get on the prowl for younger men just for the sake of younger men.

    when i fall for a person, it’s usually what’s between their ears more than their outside packaging.

  42. Cedar – What sort of people are you hanging with that would consider tarring and feathering arousing?

    Mary – Gesundheit

    Leah – I don’t think I’ve ever actually “prowled” for anyone. Sounds awful.

  43. Very interesting indeed… So much to say and not enough time! I guess I would be considered a cougar since I have dated more younger men the last 2 years than anyone else. It took a lot of coaxing by the younger men for me to finally succumb to the experience but their logic prevailed…age is only a number not a state of mind!

    I do have a rule…. no one within 8 years of my sons ages!! Too creepy! Mostly, men in their late 30’s and 40’s ask me out…I’m 53 as of last weekend. I am rather selective and the men I have dated are very intelligent, active, charming and fun as well as they take good care of themselves.

    Men my age or older on the other hand rarely ask me out (other than the ones who have forgotten to look in the mirror to see how badly out of shape they are!).

    It’s not about “trolling” bars for either male or female… it’s about finding a connection with someone you enjoy being around and who still enjoys life! No matter the age!

    Good luck everyone!

  44. CTD – Welcome! And thanks so much for your point of view. You’re a good-looking 53 and men in their late 30s and 40s I don’t think are out of dating range. It’s when you start dating guys in their early 20s that it gets really strange. But even guys in their 30s and 40s — don’t you ever get to a point where you’re talking about something and they look at you blankly…like the thrill of collecting Paul McCartney bubble gum cards as a youngster? Where you were when Kennedy got shot? Clackers? Rocky & Bullwinkle? I know those are petty examples, but there’s a whole generation of historical reference missing when you have conversations, isn’t there? But weighed against dating curmudgeonly, saggy old men…hmm…

  45. I am 60 and have been dating a man 38 for 5 1/2 years. We have the best relationship you could ever want we have tons in common. Never knew life could be so good