Here Lies

You’ve got mortgage insurance and life insurance; you’ve made a living will and a regular will; you’ve signed your organ donor card and you’ve even arranged and pre-paid your funeral. You’ve done all these things because you’re a good, organized person and want to do all you can to ease the burden from your grieving nearest and dearest when the time comes.

You are so kind and thoughtful. Always thinking of others. I’ll bet you haven’t even given a moment’s thought, however, about what words of wisdom you would like to leave behind for posterity. Have you?

Yes, I’m talking about your epitaph. Those few, memorable words that will be carved onto your headstone. Those words, that along with your name and dates of birth and death, will be all that will speak for you decades from now when strangers sneak into your final resting place in the middle of the night to make-out on your grave.

Because if you leave this to others, your headstone will forever say something sappy like, “beloved wife and mother” or “swept into the arms of Jesus” or “heaven rejoices in a new angel.”  Seriously, is this how you want to be remembered?

Or would you rather be remembered like these people?

  •  Attorney John E. Goembel: The defence rests
  • Johnny Yeast: Pardon me for not rising
  • Mary Aster: Should have jay-walked a little faster
  • Spike Milligan: I told you I was sick
  • Jack Williams: He done his damnedest
  • Bonnie Anderson: I don’t want to talk about it right now

Me, I’m going to be cremated, but maybe they could write something in nice black marker, on the cardboard box that will hold my ashes. Some ideas I’m toying with:

Obviously, I need to work on them a little more. What’s your tombstone going to say?

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