Celebrity Freakshow

As you know, I don’t have cable, so I’m not really up on most of the celebrity doings; bit I hear “things”.

This week for instance, most of the blogworld has been talking about Jon and Kate and their trainwreck of a life (with Kate as engine driver, Jon as cabin boy and the passel of kids screaming as the wheels grind them into the tracks).

Coincidentally, today marks the 75th anniversary of the birth of the Dionne quintuplets. Born near Callander Ontario Canada, they were the first quintuplets ever to survive infancy.


So, (and see if this sounds sort of  familiar), they were made wards of the King at four months old. They were put on display in a special hospital called “Quintland”and marketed as an amazing tourist attraction.

The Province of Ontario and the parents made a killing off these kids with everything from product endorsements to Hollywood movies. The kids, of course, grew to be totally fucked-up adults and eventually settled a law-suit against the Canadian government. They’ve also written warnings to several parents of multiple birth children about the long-term effects of exploiting your kids for fame and fortune.

In other Celebrity Freakshow news:


  • Susan Boyle. Okay she can sing. But she’s not flavour-of-the-month because of any exceptional talent. She’s a star because she’s a frumpy, middle-aged woman and the world is amazed that she actually has something going for her. We’re at the point now where we can’t believe anyone who isn’t Hollywood glam could possibly have any talent. The audience and judges of Britain’s Got Talent all sniggered when Susan Boyle first got on the stage because she looked so old and worthless. And then, holy crap – she didn’t suck. Now we’re all excited by this bizarre phenomenon. I hope Susan Boyle is smart enough to understand exactly what’s going on and exactly how short the attention span of her current legions of fans is.
  • Kanye West on the other hand just won’t go away. Here’s a guy whose mother was a university professor of English and whose dad was one of the first black photo-journalists and a former member of the Black Panthers – and offspring Kanye doesn’t seem to have two. IQ points to rub together. He’s bragged how he doesn’t read books and doesn’t “respect” books, BUT (are you sitting down) he’s written a book: Thank You And You’re Welcome.  Clicking the title will bring you to his blog where he very kindly has posted some sample pages of this 52-page blockbuster. Many of the pages are just blank; the others offer pithy blurbs on his philosophy of life, like:

Get use to getting used! To most people, the saying “to use someone,” carries a negative connotation. But, I don’t see it that way. To “mis”, “over”, or “ab” use someone is negative. To use is necessary. And if you can’t be used, then you’re useless.

  • Mel Gibson. Braveheart. Dude — what the hell happened to you? You used to be so hot. You used to be so cool. Now you’re drunk and a racist. You ditched your wife and mother of your SEVEN kids and took up with some bimbo half your age, knocked her up and watched her dump your sorry ass. What do you pay in child support?
  • Demi Moore. She’s freakishly attractive and firm for almost 50 and keeps claiming she’s had no surgical enhancements whatsoever. Okaaaay.  Let’s accept that she’s externally ageless. Internally, she’s going fast though. First, she married Ashton Kutcher, which in itself shows some sort of early-onset dementia. Now the two of them are the undisputed royalty of Twitter addicts everywhere. They post each and every second of their lives, complete with pictures. Here’s the latest — Demi at the dentist without her front tooth.

05_Flatbed_2 - MAY

And, oh ya – she recently won a lawsuit against Australian Pacific Magazines for publishing unauthorized photos of her.


32 responses to “Celebrity Freakshow

  1. Your reference to Susan Boyle proves that you still, even after 9 years, don’t get the 21st century.
    Talent is beauty. There is no talent if there is no beauty.
    All the real talents you mention are beautiful and deserve the fame and fortune they get.
    Mel was beautiful and in spite of being a drinking smoking bigoted catholic racist deserves all his money and fame because he was beautiful. Now he is old and so must leave the stage.
    Susan Boyle should never have been allowed in front of the cameras and should have been dubbing in music for better looking people. This was engineered by Simon just because he’s a prick.
    Demi understands and so has been plasticized to stay as long as she can.
    Kanye makes perfect sense because —- he’s beautiful.
    Now get a die job go to the gym and then a good surgeon on the way home or stop clogging up the interweb with your mid fifties, (age and era), drivel.

  2. Who’s Kayne West? And Jon and Kate they have 8 kids on TLC, right?

    I’m sure the show’ll get dumped for that single mom who just had 8 and already had 156 or something.

  3. It is so pathetic (and kind of ironic) how the only people who are taken seriously in popular culture nowadays are people who look literally like porn stars! WTH happened to focusing on someone’s passion and talent? Fucking disgusting!

    As for Kanye West and Mel Gibson-They’re both ignorant douchebags and should not be given the opportunity to talk ever!

  4. funny post

    @bandobras makes me fall on the ground laughing.

    especially mel, “time to leave the stage”
    have to use that on my friends.

  5. You know, that thing about Kanye West writing a book but not reading any doesn’t jar me. Mainly because Stephen Colbert did the same thing and talks about it a lot. Obviously, Colbert is parodying people like Kanye, but I think watching the parody of this type of stuff is like an inoculation against seeing the real thing.

    On Kanye West, I highly recommend the recent South Park episode, “Fish Sticks”.

    – RG>

  6. One of the first books for adults I ever read was Pierre Burton’s book on the Dionne quints (I was a freakish teenager). The book is so gripping — it is amazing what they went through in their life.

    And it’s even more amazing that people are still doing the same thing. History repeats, as they say.

  7. Here’s me doing my best Dana Carvey Church Lady: I guess Mel Gibson was only a faithful Catholic husband when it was conveeeeeeenient.

    Like your place, Casa Alison is cable- and satellite-free, but we pick up these stories through osmosis. Other blogs, the news, Facebook, ET-type shows, etc. I’m not surprised, there’s big money in celebrity schadenfreude these days. Everyone wants to feel better about themselves by seeing how badly celebrities can fuck up.

    And you’re right on in your analysis of the Susan Boyle phenomenon. I heard an interview with Paul Potts on CBC 1 a week or two ago — he was in town to perform his second album tour — and when Adrian Harewood asked him if he had any advice for Susan Boyle (Paul Potts won Britain’s Got Talent a few years ago as an unlikely looking [again with the looks-ism] opera singer), his answer was very wise. He said she should be enjoying this as it happens, not looking ahead to what comes next. I think it was great advice, and a kindly worded warning that fame may be fleeting.

  8. Bandobras – Mel still looks pretty good, but his inner asshole has surfaced big-time –THAT’s why he has to leave the stage.

    Jazz- Kanye is some sort of rapper thingy. I think that means he only works Christmas in one of those mall kiosks.. I don’t know. And ya, I’ve never seen the Jon and Kate drama, but they mention them every day in the newspaper. They CHOSE to exploit their 8 kids by living their lives on TV and now poor Kate, stuff isn’t going well for her – the media keeps hounding them (can you imagine?), Jon’s having an affair (right after their ratings dropped. Now ratings are back up there).

    Hannah – Aren’t we little miss sunshine today! Remember when movie stars were glamorous and all their dirty linen stayed tightly locked in their laundry baskets (until decades later when their kids exposed it for them)? And they were movie stars because they had some talent not because their dad owned a lot of hotels? And singers and musicians could actually sing and/or play? What a crazy place the world used to be.

    Reeky – Please don’t encourage Bandobras. He has his own blog, but saves all his rants for mine. He only posts pictures of birds on his.

    Grouchy – It’s really okay because Kanye’s book isn’t even really a book. Did you click the link? It’s basically just a cash grab and I’m sure there are going to be plenty of people stupid enough to buy his stupid “book”. The title is so damn catchy, how could you resist?

    White Crow – Okay. I did like the story about the birthday man on your blog.

    Lynn – And if the Dionnes think they had it tough, imagine how the Jon and Kate kids are going to feel when they’re old enough to understand how fucked-up their lives are?

    Alison – Excellent church lady imitation. Are you doing the dance? From all accounts Susan Boyle is a smart person, so perhaps she’ll do exactly as Potts recommends. I imagine it’s difficult not to get caught up in all the insanity though. When you suddenly instantly have millions of fans all over the world and can’t open a newspaper or magazine without seeing your own frazzled mug staring back at you. Oh well – she IS old, so it’s not likely that she’s going to go all Amy Winehouse or anything.

  9. “Aren’t we little miss sunshine today?”

    LOL. Me? Always! 😉

    Yeah, sorry, my swearing made it sound like I was more upset than I actually am. But I do feel for Boyle and the whole circus surrounding her makes me worry for the future of mankind and our priorities.

    I still stand by my comments regarding West and Gibson. They suck indeed.

  10. I lost all respect for Demi Moore when she posed naked while preggers.

    Oooh, lookit me, everyone. Lookit me. I’m the FIRST WOMAN on the PLANET who’s ever carried a baby. Lookit me, dammit. Lookit…because I’m Special!

    As for Mel Gibson. Did you see the South Park episode where they showed him as a raging lunatic! (That was CLASSIC!). Mabye your daughter’s seen it.

    And these glorified Karaoke singers. There are tons of people, way more talented, who earn 50 bucks a night playing in some crappy little bar somewhere.

    You wanna REALLY impress me? Go up on stage, with an acoustic guitar, and sing something your WROTE.

  11. RE: Susan Boyle — It’s kind of boring. Paul Potts (season one winner) is a rather homely man who induced sniggers from the audience when he first came onstage and awe once he’d opened his mouth because he could sing pretty well. (Turns out that he was a professional opera singer, but that wasn’t mentioned until it came out in the papers.) So when Susan came along, all I thought was “Oh, they found another one.” People are pre-screened for Britain’s Got Talent, just like every other talent show (including American Idol and Popstar). Homely + good voice = ratings boost. I don’t know how much Susan Boyle is innocent when it comes to her exploitation — I don’t doubt for a second that Paul Potts was fully aware of how he was being portrayed and was OK with it for the chance to get on telly and maybe boost his career.

    RE: Mel Gibson — I was sooo thinking that just the other day. I miss “Lethal Weapon” Mel Gibson or “Mad Max: Road Warrior” Mel Gibson. When he was good crazy, not freakin’ nuts.

    RE: The Kutchers — Did you hear they were threatening to stop tweeting if Twitter went ahead with some reality show stuff that was in the wind. (OMG, the world would stop revolving if we didn’t know what Ashton f***ing Kutcher was thinking every 10 minutes.) I say so long and good riddance.

  12. Hannah – swear and vent all you want. It’s fun.

    Friar – I’m soooooo tired of reality as it’s portrayed on TV. I’d be willing to write up some sit-coms or TV dramas if they’ve all run out of ideas for real fiction. And I wouldn’t charge a million dollars. I’d consider it my contribution to humanity. Not that I think I’m all that or anything, but I reckon it’s got to be better than hour after hour of reality TV.

    Louise – Maybe we should invent Unplugged Life and see what happens.

    Tom – Sour grapes on whose part and why?

  13. I just finished reading Kanye’s book. It took me a couple of months, but it was well worth it. Especially the part about being useless if you can’t be used by other people. I had to flip to the front cover just to make sure I hadn’t accidentally picked up the bible.

    I also read Mel Gibson’s novel “The Jews are coming to eat your face.” Riveting stuff. I’d highly recommend it for jew-haters. It’s almost like jew hating for dummies.

  14. I canceled our cable subscription last night. I cannot handle the reality show nonsense anymore. Jon and Kate + 8 is so disturbing, those poor children!

    And then there are these people, The Duggers, who have 18 kids (and counting- a-yuck!) whose names all start with the letter J (or A or something). They are so perfect and happy and they all love one another. Cynically, I am convinced they are not human.

  15. I am guilty of watching Jon & Kate and what is even more disturbing, is that it didn’t look like they were willing to give up the cameras and ‘freebies’ from the tv show in order to save their marriage.

    I am going to back to read more of Kanye’s limited , but oh so pithy views on life. Or maybe not, I read enough already.

  16. If I happen upon a reality show, I will watch til someone confiscates the remote.

    Bandobras cracks me up. You ignored his fabulous argument.

  17. “Okay. Is it just me, or do I smell sour grapes? I’m just asking.”

    “Tom – Sour grapes on whose part and why?”

    I’m just saying you seem bitter. Or something like that. Negativity & your blog: It comes through loud & clear. Need I get into specifics?

    (Okay. Whatever you do, don’t hurt me.)

  18. Why does Demi have no front tooth? Did I miss something? Oh wait – I forgot: I DO NOT CARE! YAY! I am proud to say (as a happy Twitter-er) that I don’t follow either one of them.

    Kanye. What a douche. That should have been the title of his book. ” I’m A Douche! Thank You And You’re Welcome!” Honestly, I am just surprised he didn’t call it, “Blah Blah Blah YOUR Welcome.”

  19. I have to ask: Why are you giving these people one more google number? If people would not talk about these things they would go away. I still blame “Saturday Night Live” for the whole phenomenon of the girl I will call:
    “Famous City” “Hotel Chain”. I had never heard of the girl until they kept mentioning her on their show and now there is no getting rid of her. But she will not get an extra google spot from me.

  20. Mayopie – Do you think you could do an indepth book review for us please? On both of these learned tomes? Thank you.

    Missy – Oh ya, I forgot there were the Duggers. Non-cablites don’t hear very much about them. But I hope they really ARE happy. (And yay for you for being free of cable!!)

    Violetsky – Maybe you could do a book review as well? I can see that there would be a certain amount of fascination watching these shows. My daughter loves all the reality stuff too. She seems to like it more than actual programs.

    Lola – I didn’t ignore Bandobras did I? Or maybe his argument was so fabulous there was nothing left for me to say. Please tell me what the fascination is with reality shows? They’re obviously extremely popular. I must be missing something.

    Charlene – HA!! That WAS a comment.

    Tom – You know me so well. It’s true. I AM bitter. Bitter about not having 18 kids to exploit. Bitter about being too old for Canadian Idol. Bitter that I still have all my own teeth. Bitter that I haven’t had a great work of blank page fiction published. And bitter that I’m stupid enough to respond to comments from people who spend all their time looking for people on whom to project their own psychoses. So, hey! Ya, maybe it IS just you.

    Lesley – I think maybe Demi is made up of a lot of spare parts and occasionally some of them fall off or wear out and she has to get them replaced. I have no idea. And Kanye – well hell, if I thought I could make a fast million by printing off some blank pages I might go for it, too – props to Kanye.

    Geewits – You’re absolutely right, you know. We should all just stop talking about these people and maybe they’d go away. But I don’t think that’s going to happen because they seem to be very popular. And sometimes it’s good to try and figure that out. Call it a social studies exercise. No?

  21. Tom-

    It really is just you. You seem to be suggesting that X is somehow bitter due to her envy of these people or having some personal axe to grind. At least that’s what “sour grapes” suggests to me, and I think our host is taking it the same way. The “exposing a nerve” comment also suggests you’ve touched on something personal and she’s reacting solely based on that. You might as well say, “you must be PMS-ing.” You’re marginalizing what is insightful commentary regarding the general fucked-upedness of society’s obsessions by suggesting her personal anger is clouding the issue. While she’s clearly nailed the fucked-upedness of it all, I think you’re mistaking the awesome sarcastic wit in this post with bitterness. In your defense, this stuff may get her a little hot under the collar, and it should, but no more than me or any of the other commenters. But now you’ve made her mad and she has no choice other than to destroy you. I’m sorry you had to go down this way.

    No problem X, book report on the way.

  22. Mayopie – I don’t think anyone has every defended my honour, insightfulness or sarcastic wit quite so manfully. Thanks. Although I’m sorry that you had to waste precious moments of your life doing so. It’s probably not worth engaging in (as they say) a battle of wits against the unarmed). Looking forward to the book report.

    Tom – No, you’re not

  23. I could swear that XUP and mayopie are one & the same. Alter egos.

    Or is it just me?

  24. very funny post!

    can i just tell how much i despise people that use their kids for personal gain? really, i despise it quite a LOT. ahem.

    kanye west, never have been able to stand him, there isn’t anything original and special about him, he’s a poser.

    when i saw that pic of demi moore, i thought it was pretty silly. seeing it here again, i wonder if she’s lost her mind. who does that? posts a pic of their missing tooth? i’m a hillbilly and even i know that’s crazy 😉

    did i tell you how much i enjoyed you calling me a hillbilly? i really did.

  25. I enjoyed the mood of your post and then the comments, including the sour grapes provocation from Tom.

    Growing up my family didn’t have cable, then when I moved I didn’t have TV or Cable for 10 years, so on my 30’s I decided to change that cause I was totally “ignorant”, now after 3 years with TV/cable I realize before was more fun because I got the updates in parties, or talking to friends, they will know everything about the life of someone we didn’t know, which I find more interesting than talking about the life of someone we both know.

    All private life is becoming more and more public, for “stars” and “common mortals”. I don’t know where that trend will takes us but I’m happy to be in the middle of this, it’s not like our recently “experienced” past, but it is not “the” future either, what will we settle for?…ok now let me find out who is Kanye West.

  26. didnt demi have her boobs done for the stripper movie.. im sure she did

    maybe that doesnt count.

    mel gibson is messed now for sure.

    im all over the jon and kate saga i must confess.

    and wow kanye… we are actually going over to chapters right now. i think i might go peruse his book for shits and giggles while speedy figures out what she is buying.