I’ve been with the government long enough that I could maybe, possibly retire in a few years with a partial pension. The idea is tempting, except that I still have a kid to put through university and I’d have to do it on a partial pension and then live on this partial pension forever, even when I’m old and decrepit.
So, I’ve been looking into a post-retirement career and I need some suggestions. Here are the 3 top criteria:
- I’d want it to be totally different from what I do now – nothing in an office.
- Re-training needs to be relatively short and not too expensive.
- The job should be easily transportable, so I won’t be stuck in one city or even one country in order to do it. (See Violetsky, I’m planning ahead)
Here are the only ideas I’ve managed to come up with so far:
Barber: I wouldn’t want to colour or perm or “style” hair, I just want to do basic haircuts and use that buzzy machine and maybe do a shave once in a while with a nice lethal straight razor. The clientele would be easy-to-please old men, little boys and maybe a few lesbians. The only downside to this option is that around here you can’t just train to be a barber anymore, you have to take the whole freakin’ hairstylist course. And it costs a lot. And I don’t want to spend months at Beauty School with gum-chewing teenagers with bad skin and big, over-processed hair.
Personal Trainer: The course is manageably short and affordable. There’s a lot of demand, especially among the older set and rock stars. I enjoy nagging people about their health and fitness. The only downside I can see is that I’d get really pissed off with clients like Oprah who sneak off and snarf down an entire fried chicken and basket of biscuits as soon as your back is turned which ends up making you look like the worst personal trainer in the world.
Psychic Counsellor – Seriously. It’s a real profession. It’s kind of the poor man’s shrink. Oh, you still pay through the nose for advice, but only through one nostril. And the beauty of the job is that there are no years of medical school or counselling training to go through. People give you money and complain about their lives and you pull some pithywords of advice out of your ass and they go away happy. Just saying you’re psychic, gives you great legitimacy among certain groups of people. The drawback to this one is that I’d have to learn to be psychic in a few different languages if I want to travel with it.
Dog Groomer: The learning curve is manageable. The job is transportable and there’s plenty of demand and money to be made at it. The clientele is adorable. Drawbacks include the owners, getting bitten, and smelling like dog all the time.
So, as you can see, I need help. Any and all opinions, ideas, suggestions are welcome. I’m also open to general mockery. Thank you.