Sexo de Mayo

hellmans1Seriously, if you’re going to spend a whole day celebrating mayo, wouldn’t it be a lot more fun if there was a little sexo involved rather than just plain cinco (whatever that is)?

So hola a todos! I say let’s celebrate Sexo de Mayo today!

First we’ll need some mayo, of course. You can buy mayo or make some. It’s really simple and delicious:

  • 1 cup of olive oil or other good-quality oil, like walnut or sweet almond oil
  • 1 egg yolk
  • Juice of 1 lemon, or vinegar
  • A pinch of salt
  • Water to thin the mayonnaise

Blend egg and lemon juice in a blender, very slowly drizzle in olive oil. If it gets too thick add a little water (about a teaspoon at a time) When it’s thick and fluffy add salt.

*** For a nice aoli, use 2 egg yolks, 4 cloves of garlic (minced) and only 2 teaspoons of lemon juice.

If you’re buying mayo, I think Hellman’s is the closest to real home-made mayo.  A lot of people prefer the tangy zip of Miracle Whip, but it isn’t actually mayo; it’s “salad dressing”. It gets to be called salad dressing because it has a lot of sugar/high fructose corn syrup and added spices.

“Hellmans” was also the very first ever ready-made mayo available for purchase. It was first sold in 1905 at Richard Hellman’s New York deli. It was mass marketed 7 years later as Hellman’s Blue Ribbon Mayonnaise.

Mayo itself was invented long, long before this however. The chef of French Duke de Richelieu came up with it back in 1756. It was created as part of a feast in honour of the start of the Seven Years War and the successful siege of England’s St. Philip’s Castle, located in Mahon. Ergo, the concoction was named Mahonnaise.

True Facts about Mayo

  • It does NOT cause foodborne illness. So it’s fine to take on a picnic or leave on the counter. The high acid environment is unfriendly to bacteria.
  • Mayonnaise, when made with heart healthy oils, can actually be good for you. It’s low in saturated fat, sodium, sugars and contains Vitamin E.
  • Many Europeans eat their French fries, cold chicken and hard-boiled eggs with mayo.
  • The Japanese use mayo instead of tomato sauce on pizza.
  • Chileans eat mayo on hot dogs. They are also the world’s 3rd largest consumers of mayo.
  • The Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of mayo from England bound for Mexico – it would have been the largest shipment of mayo ever to hit Mexico. Of course, the ship and all the mayo were lost. When the shipment didn’t arrive, Mexicans were so desolate they declared a national day of morning: Sinko the Mayo.
  •  The Heinz Deli Mayo TV ad shown in the UK last year depicting two men as a married couple, making lunches for the kids (with mayo) and kissing each other good-bye, caused 200 complaints causing Heinz had to withdraw the ad. No one is quite sure why people complained about this ad since gay intimacy has been depicted on UK television for over 20 years.

 I suspect it’s the fact that these men are feeding their kids this horrible mayo that people are objecting to.

 Or it might be gay men objecting to the association of gay men and mayonnaise; sometimes nicknamed “maneze” because of its use in prisons as a “personal” lubricant.

More Fun Things to do with Mayo

  • Mayo makes a great facial. Forget all those expensive spa products; just spread some soothing, creamy mayo on your face, leave on for 20 minutes and rinse with cool water. Your face will be clean and moisturized.
  •  Mayo is also a great hair conditioner. Massage in a dollop of mayo into damp hair, wait a few minutes, then shampoo as usual. Your hair will be lustrous and shiny.
  •  Shine up your house plants by rubbing the leaves with a little mayo on a paper towel. They’ll be so lovely they’ll look like plastic. And isn’t that what we’re all really aiming for?
  •  Clean your yellowing piano keys with a little mayo on a damp cloth; wait a few minutes and buff.
  •  Clean your car with mayo. Yes! Mayo will get rid of sticky stuff on your car like tar and plant sap.
  •  Also you can eat it: on BLTs and other sandwiches; with asparagus;  with fish cakes, in tuna, chicken, potato and other salads.

Once upon a time we had something called “macaroni salad” that consisted of macaroni, onions, mayo and maybe peas or other vegetables. Now, of course we only have “pasta salads” made with “pastas” and fancy vinaigrettes and “herbs”.

Our high school cafeteria used to sell millions of little plastic tubs of macaroni salad every day. It was macaroni, hacked up onions and lots of mayo. Each little tubful was decorated with 2 thin strips of orange processed cheese. macaroni Good times.

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43 responses to “Sexo de Mayo

  1. I refuse to read this posting.
    Anyone who would write about that awful Chinese leader should be forced to go live there.
    And when you get there they would quarantine you in case you have , H1NI not to be called swine flu anymore.

  2. Chips (French fries to you north american types) and mayo are just yummy. Ideally chips made in Belgium because Belgian chips are the best in the world bar none. They also make the best chocolate. And beer. Can you tell why I went to Belgium for my honeymoon?

    PS Am distraught at being dumped due to my slovenly housekeeping habits. Off to scrub the toilets in penance. (And surely the cupboard under your stairs can’t be THAT dust free???????)

  3. I have a friend who lives near Mayo, Quebec (near Buckingham) and to add to the mystique, there is a church there called “Our Lady of Knock”. (Turns out Knock is a place in Ireland but it’s still cool.) And I lived in Belgium for two years and we always had mayo on our frites. But it was a really great, tangy mayo that went perfectly with frites wrapped in newspaper.

  4. Today we tend to think of mayo as a boring condiment to put on our burgers and tuna sammitches.

    But when it was first invented in the 1700’s, it was a big deal, and was considered a fancy sauce to put on gourment dishes.

    PS. I grew up on Miracle Whip…that’s all my Mom ever bought. Didnt’ realize that wasn’t “real” mayonnaise till I went to university.

  5. I miss the macaroni salad of my youth: macaroni, mayo, canned tuna, chopped hard-boiled egg and lots of salt and pepper. Mmmmmm.

    And where would potato salad be without good ol’ chef of Duke de Richelieu? We’d be restricted to only the German kind (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but I do like my potato salad variety.

    Someone at school told me a gross joke about the origins of mayo and I stopped eating it entirely from the age of 11 to about 15. Suggestible, I guess.

    And *donning editor’s glasses and pulling out virtual red pen* ‘True Facts’ is redundant.

  6. Bandobras – Oh my! You are so confused. There are no pork products in mayo – only in Miracle Whip

    Loth – The cupboard under the stairs is quite clean and tidy, thank you very much and if you promise to keep it that way and not bring along any of your giant dust creatures, you can still stay there. One of our Ottawa bloggy friends is going to Belgium next week. I already told her to be sure and try some Belgian Fries since we now know they invented the things. Good to know they’ll live up to expectations.

    Gordon – I hope you’re not wasting all these delicious condiments on a regular beaks-and-assholes hot dog on a gummy white bread bun?

    Julia – Zoom should have named her house Our Lady of Knock and saved herself a lot of doorbell installation problems. Thanks for the link. I was trying to figure out a way to work the Mayo Clinic into this post.

    Friar – From what I’ve read there’s actually quite a bit of controversy surrounding the exact origins of mayo. That it involved the Duke and France is agreed by most – though some say other countries simultaneously also had created this simple sauce as a way of preserving eggs.

    Alison – It’s not only redundant, but also fictitious, since one of the true facts is false. Meanwhile, I’m busy imagining the “origins of mayonnaise” story.

  7. Yeah, I notice the Titanic story. I have to send that to my dad, who LIVES for bad puns. Oh, and the story that put me off mayo for about 4 years involved pimples.

  8. I think I have been misled here. I was thinking this was going to be a post abot mayo and sex. Instead you have just left me with a terrible craving for macaroni salad and also pondering whether mayo if used as a lubricant would rot a condom.

  9. Ooh the puns: sinko de mayo? sexo de mayo? They’re cringe inducing and wonderful.

    Mayo on fries – the best

    Homemade mayo on a tomato sandwich (fresh seasonal tomatos of course) – to die for

    Miracle whip – Where’s the miracle. It’s nasty stuff.

  10. Alison – I didn’t make that story up, just so you know. It’s all over the internet. Ah… pimples. I was thinking something much worse. Thanks.

    EmmaK – Well, the “maneze” part was sort of about sex. I did come across something that said mayo was not a good idea as a sex lubricant (unless you’re in prison and don’t have anything else). However, you could spread some mayo all over your partner, sprinkle with chives, get yourself a bag of Lay’s Ruffle potato chips (low sodium), put a good DVD on and enjoy a snack and movie. It could be a sexy movie. Then when the movie’s over and you’re bloated with chips and mayo dip, you can roll over and have some sex. There – enough mayo and sex talk for you?

    Jazz – Sexo de Mayo is not a pun. It’s actually today’s date. I want a fresh tomato sandwich (on cold toast) with mayo and black pepper and sweet onions.

    Mayopie – Ha! I wasn’t even thinking of you (just for those few moments when I wrote this post. I, of course, think of you the rest of the time). I think, however, that this post is the perfect opportunity for you to explain where the Mayo Pie name came from. What is Mayo Pie? Have you had Mayo Pie? Are you particularly fond of Mayo and/or Pie?

  11. Miracle Whip is awesome. Mayonnaise, not so much.

    By the way, today is also McHappy Day so you can get your mayonnaise fix for a good cause by buying a Big Mac today.

  12. have actually tried the facial/conditioner experiment?
    i can’t stand miracle whip “type dressing” stuff. i always feel cheated when i get it on a sandwhich.

  13. The secret of Mayopie, you ask? Okay people, you heard it here first. Mayopie is, in essence, the symbol of life. You see, Mayo is egg yolks and oil. But take the egg white and you can now make meringue, perfect for pie. While Mayonaisse and Meringue are vastly different, each begin with a simple egg, the source life. Mayopie symbolizes that while our perception of things can be very different, in many ways they are the same and each part contributes to the whole; Mayopie.

    Ok, I made all that up. My friend asked me to sign up for fantasy football one day and I said to myself, “Ok, what can I name myself that will gross people out? Mayopie… gross.”

  14. In a previous life one of the tasks of my job was phlebotomy, and during one particular incident the blood separated into a small layer of RBCs on the bottom with a white milky/thick layer on top. (Google lipemic serum.) When I gave the sample to the admin to deliver to the lab she remarked, “Oh my god, that looks like mayonnaise!” … Needless to say, I had a hard time eating anything w/ mayo for a LONG time afterwards. I had vivid mental pictures of mayonnaise filling the arteries and veins and ugh … ugh!

    (And therein ends the weird random memory your post inspired. 😉

  15. Louise – My mum, the potato eater is a big fan of Miracle Whip, too. Me, not so much. And a Big Mac? Arghh. I haven’t had one of those since I was a kid.

    Meanie – No, I haven’t tried it, have you? It’s oil and lemon juice and egg. How bad could it be? Greasy, yes. Since you’re a mayo lover, have you ever made your own mayo?

    Mayopie – I thought it was a brilliant and very deep explanation. It had nothing to do with your blog, though, so I was relieved when you said it was all crap. People would be a lot more grossed out if you actually separated the two words. For the longest time I pronounced it (in my head) as may-OH-pee.

    Bandobras – I believe there are differences in the Spanish and Mexican languages and various dialects in each. We’ll have to wait for Guillermo to check in so he can straighten us out – unless you have a linguistic expert on hand??

    Olivia – Cool. Is that normal or was there something horribly, horribly wrong with that person’s blood?

  16. Belgian frites and mayo – big yum! European mayo is vastly different from ours, so this is a taste treat very difficult to reproduce in Canada. I have discovered a café in Vancouver that does the frites properly, however, and they have a very similar mayo, but even it’s not quite right. It also costs about $2.50 for a tiny little cup, which of course is not enough for even the small order of frites. I suppose it’s back to Belgium for me …

  17. I cannot stand mayo… even the smell makes me gag. However, when I read the ingredients of your recipe, I am completely at a loss to explain why. I love all those foods apart… why not together??

    Maybe I should make a batch of home-made, on the assumption that nothing I’ve seen/smelled/gagged over to date has been “real” mayo.

  18. I ain’t Japanese last time I checked, and I always put mayo (Miracle Whip, actually) on hard boiled eggs. And who DOESN’T put it on chicken- or turkey sandwiches, except the odd person who uses mustard instead?

  19. I’m one of those odd people who puts mustard on turkey sandwiches, more because most sandwich places use mayo and not Miracle Whip and it just became habit to ask for mustard instead. But for real turkey sandwiches, it has to be MW. For some reason, Miracle Whip on hard boiled eggs sounds gross but egg salad doesn’t. Weird.

    Making your own mayo makes me think of those late night infomercials for the hand mixers where they’d show you how you could easily make your own mayo for just pennies.

  20. Pinklea – Have you thought about making your own mayo to bring to the perfect frites place? For me, I think the main difference between Euro mayo and ours is that theirs doesn’t have that plasticky texture and it’s tangier. They probably use more lemon and a really light oil.

    Susan – Well, there’s nothing that says you have to like mayo. But if you want to, you could try making some and see.

    Bob – The Japanese eat mayo on pizza instead of tomato sauce. And the chicken thing didn’t say anything about sandwiches – just chicken with mayo. It WAS called “true facts”, not “Strange and Unusual Facts”

    Lola – Ah, “seis” .. well, that’s boring. I reckon they’re too busy right now to worry about me butchering their language and festive days.

    Louise – Apparantly it’s possible to make mayo with just a whisk and some fast hands. I tried making it with a hand blender once and that didn’t even work out.

  21. Okay, is it just American or do you poor deprived Canadians NOT have KRAFT Mayonaise? It is, hands down, the best. I love it on fries and the occasional hotdog and then, of course, lots and lots go in deviled eggs which are basically boiled eggs with may. And, I really wanted some until I got to the part about prisons and that is all I am saying.

  22. I really dislike mayonnaise. Janie took me on a date several years ago and we picked up sandwiches at a deli beforehand. I clearly stated that I did not want mayo on my sandwich and when we sat down to eat them, mine was slathered in that greasy white shit. RUINED THE WHOLE DATE because it’s all I can remember about it. Mayo ruins everything, especially sex.

    Also, out here in Seattle, Hellman’s is called Best Foods.

  23. Miracle Whip in the States tastes completely different than it does in Canada. Before moving here we were a mayo AND miracle whip household…now we are just mayo.

    When we first came here and bought miracle whip we thought it was bad, so I took it back and got another. Then we thought that it might be possible that, that one was bad as well. So I went to another store and bought a new bottle. Finally I emailed the company and found out that it is in fact a different recipe down here than in Canada. They said that Americans have a different palette then Canadians and they make for the consumer. Instead I received $10 worth of Kraft coupons for my ‘troubles’.

    Thing is I still have yet to meet anyone down here who likes miracle whip?!?!

  24. Is mayo really made with such innocent stuff? Thought it is made from left over transfat from all the fast food outlets

  25. I love mayonnaise! I notice you mentioned pepper in your response to Jazz. When I make a sandwich I put the mayo on the bread then proceed to almost coat the mayo with fresh cracked Tellicherry black peppercorns. Same with cheeseburgers, which freaks out the ketchup/mustard cheeseburger people. Oh and have you ever heard a real Cajun pronounce “mayonnaise?” It’s cool. Sounds sort of like: muh-NAZE.

  26. Pingback: Sexo de Mayo « XUP « Sexo Gratis Ahora!

  27. Jobthingy – How did THAT happen? Did she just come up with that on her own one day? How very continental.

    Sheryl – I don’t know. I ‘m sure we must. We have lots of other Kraft products. I never go into that part of the store.

    Linsey – And yet you stayed with her? You’re a saint, you really are. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times. However, in mayonnaise’s defense, good mayo shouldn’t be greasy, white or shit-like.

    Helen – Interesting. Someone must be eating the crap if they keep making it and selling it.

    Lola – Do they laugh? I would have thought they’d be too strung out most of the time to really enjoy a good laugh. Or maybe that’s what you were getting at?

    Jo – Candied salmon? Is that like maple smoked salmon or what do they candy it with? I’ve never been too fond of sweet stuff on my fish. But salmon and mayo in general do go good together.

    Olivia – Yuck

    Lost – I think it depends on which mayo you buy. Some of it is truly full of revolting ingredients. But if you get the kind that only has good oil, egg yolks, lemon juice (and/or vinegar) and a dash of salt it should be lovely.

    Geewits – I don’t think I’ve ever met a real Cajun at all, let alone heard him or her pronounce the names of any condiments. If I ever do meet one, I will be sure to ask him or her to say mayonnaise for me. My favourite burger condiments would be mayo, tomato, lettuce and onion. And I’m a big fan of black and red pepper on almost anything.

  28. BTW Peter learned to make mayo by hand in cooking class and it really isn’t that difficult. It helps to have a big, professional whisk and some good forearm muscles.

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