Our Big Fat Warm Sunny Weekend


I don’t know about where you all live, but here in the eastern Ontario area people have been talking about nothing but the fabulous weekend we’re supposed to have.

 All week “they” have  been promising a sunny Friday with temperatures at 21 (70 F), followed by a hot, hot Saturday with temperatures around 29 (84 F)with a humidex over 30 and Sunday was going to be 27ish (80ish F) – sunny with cloudy periods.

You can imagine the excitement. Plans were concocted. Preparations were made. Life was looking pretty good.

While in other parts of the world responsible families have an Emergency Preparedness Home Emergency Kit  in case of prolonged storms, power failures, tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and other acts of environmental revenge, in this part of the world, we all have a Warm Sunny Weekend Preparedness Kit. (WSWPK) and Warm Sunny Weekend Preparedness Plan.

The kit includes:

  • A cooler, cases of beer, several bags of ice, bottle openers, bottles of wine, a corkscrew, bottles of vodka, bottles of tequila and gin, cash to buy more beverages, a flashlight in case it gets dark and you can’t find the corkscrew, a change of clothing in case you spill some drinks, toilet paper, salty snacks and olives.

 The plan involves:

  • Booking Monday off work (for recovery);
  • Sending the kids to grandma’s for the weekend. We can’t enjoy a perfect weekend with kids underfoot;
  • Running to Wal-Mart and buy some shorts and tank tops because nothing we wore last summer is going to fit us right now. Guaranteed; and,
  • Since we want to spend the whole weekend out on the deck basking in the sun and drinking, we’re certainly not cooking. So we:
    • Call around and invite groups of friends over for each night of the weekend;
    • Tell them it’s a barbeque party and tell them to bring food;
    • Make sure to invite the guy who thinks he knows more about barbequing than anyone alive so that he can do all the cooking;
    • Make sure to invite at least one over-achiever because they’ll insist on cleaning up and doing dishes before they go home.

Of course, we rarely get to put the plan into action.

Take this weekend for example.

It’s Friday morning and the sky is cloudy and the temperature is ZERO (32 F)! Saturday is now forecast for 60% chance of RAIN and maybe 27 degrees. And Sunday is forecast for showers (which are totally different from rain, apparently) and 12 (53 F) freakin’ degrees.

Could they have been more wrong? How do these people keep their jobs? Why do meteorologists even exist?  We might as well use psychics.

It’s not like weather is something new  whose mysterious depths are completely unknowable. Old timey farmers had their fingers firmly on the pulse of mother nature and knew exactly how the weather was going to play out.  We have technology!  We’ve had weather forever. It’s out there all day and all night every single day. Why is it so difficult to figure out what’s going to be happening out there for the next few days?

If you don’t know what you’re doing then say so. Don’t get us all excited all week about a gorgeous weekend and then yank the rug out from under us at the last minute. It’s cruel.

We hate you. sad-face1