My good friend, Loth, from across the Atlantic, inadvertently started something of a feud about toast on her blog the other day. While she maintains the UK rights to this feud, I’m claiming North American subsidiary rights. Because it’s just too good to let them have all the fun.
The feud is basically between the Cold Toast Eaters (CTEs) and the Warm Toast Eaters (WTEs). The first group likes to let their toast cool by making a little tent with the slices and waiting for it to become edible. Or, for those of us with some sophistication, we use one of our toast racks from our toast rack collection:
This isn’t mine, but I wish it was. Mine are very boring.
When the toast has cooled, it is nice and crispy and crunchy and delicious and ready for a topping. Now, whatever you put on it will stay on top, not disappear into the bread.
The WTEs on the other hand feel this is a toast abomination; that butter and everything else demands to be slathered only on hot toast so that when you bite into your now soggy, taupe-coloured bread — butter, honey, jam, marmite and/or runny peanut butter will ooze out and off it and dribble down your chin and onto your clean pajamas.
I’m going to remain neutral on the topic for now.
You should know, however, that toast was originally a method of preserving bread so it wouldn’t get stale so quickly. The word “toast” is from the Latin tostum, which means “to burn”.
The Egyptians of course originally invented bread and toast about 5000 years ago. I say “of course” because the Egyptians invented pretty much everything in the world, leaving only a few bits and pieces for Thomas Edison to clear up later on.
The French seem to be CTEs, according to Charlene, who has recently returned from a trip to Paris. French toast, contrary to our eggy, fried notion of the dish, is really an almost inedibly hard baguette toasted and cooled to a granite-like consistency.
You can buy toast on eBay with the images of the Virgin Mary or Jesus or even Obama appearing on them.
There’s an entire blog devoted entirely to toast, toast recipes, toast photos, toast haiku, toast news, toasters and discussions about toast.
I’m very fond of toast. I probably eat toast every day. Toasting bread brings out its flavours and makes it easier to digest than plain bread.
I always eat my bread toasted; even if I’m making sandwiches ahead of time to take to work – nice dark, thin, crispy, crunchy slices of cold, wholegrain toast.
 “Slather” is one of my least favourite words in the entire English language. It’s ugly. It sounds messy and sloppy. Your face has to get ugly to say it. You almost always spit when you say “slather” because just thinking of the word instantly causes saliva to flow into your mouth. I would like to get rid of this word.