7 Steps to Eternal Youth



(somebody call the fire brigade)

 …… I thought this would be a good time to share with you the secrets of my eternal youth.

When I tell people how old I am they always say, “What? You don’t look a day over 22!”  Okay, they don’t actually say that, but I can tell by the way they say, “Oh ya?” that this is what they really mean.

So, before I reveal all, you might first want to determine if you even need these secrets. Maybe you’re already eternally youthful and have secrets of your own to reveal.

The test is as follows: Tell people it’s your birthday and tell them you’re 10 years older than you really are. If you’re turning 40, for instance, tell them you’re 50. People always feel obligated to tell you that you look younger and they usually subtract a few years from the age they actually think you look. So, this is the only true way of determining how old you really look to others. (Don’t do this with people more than 20 years younger than you because they won’t have a clue).

People will say, “Wow I thought you were maybe 35,” in which case you’ll know you really do look younger than your age. Or, they might say, “Wow, I thought you were maybe in your early 40s”, in which case you’ll know you look older than your real age and will need to read and absorb these tips for staying young:

  1. Delay taking on adult responsibilities as long as possible or even avoid them altogether. This includes marriage, parenthood, mortgages, car payments, any other debts and thereby also avoiding a permanent, pensionable job (aka death knell).
    • Stay in school for as long as possible
    • Travel to, and live in a lot of different places
    • Collect experiences rather than stuff
    • Live your life like you’re working on a biography. No one is going to want to read about your sensible new dinette set or your great split-level house in the suburbs or how you counted down the days to retirement.
  2. In that same vein, and/or if you’ve already plunged headlong into the drudgery part of being a grown-up;  rewind. Remove anything from your life that’s causing you a lot of stress. Stress ages you faster than almost anything else. So, if you have too many bills or your job is making you miserable or you spend too much of your time fighting with your partner, or you have too many toxic friends, it’s time to find a way out.
  3. You are what you eat. You eat crap, you’re going to look like crap. You spend all your time depriving yourself of good things, you’re going to look deprived. Eat what you really enjoy and take the time to really enjoy everything you eat. Then you’ll look and feel happy. Happy is youthful.
  4. Attitude. Don’t think of yourself as whatever age you are because no matter what it is, it will sound old to you in your head and that will affect your attitude. Convince yourself that you’re 10 years younger than you really are and conduct yourself accordingly. Have fun and feel love.
  5. Laugh every day and smile a lot. Yes, they say laughing and smiling scrunches up your face and causes wrinkles, but it actually lifts every muscle in your face way up high, so it’s kind of like an isotonic face-lift, the effects of which accumulate. And it’s free. And smiling and laughing are good for keeping your innards young, too.
  6. Keep moving. Sitting behind a desk or a steering wheel or on a couch for more than 50% of your day will allow old age to find you and settle on you like one of those big, heavy, woollen ponchos.  Staying upright and mobile keeps Senor old age off your ass/shoulders.
  7. Use your brain. Yes, everything was better in your day, but that day is long gone. Find out what’s going on NOW. Read, learn new stuff, explore, question, debate, think — engage your grey matter.

That’s it.

In conclusion, don’t get into the rut of societal expectations if you want to maintain your verve, panache, joie de vivre other French things for a long time. Live outside the box.


44 responses to “7 Steps to Eternal Youth

  1. Happy Birthday! And you don’t look/ write a day older than 20, my dear. 🙂

    I actually think that being overweight is usually a good age-suppressant as well. Fat face – less wrinkles. Believe me, I know. Not a wrinkle to be seen anywhere, and I am 34. No artificial tanning helps as well.

    The other good tip: get a cool, well-maintained, probably colored, young-looking hair cut.

    Don’t try wearing pigtails when you are 50, though. That’s usually just embarrassing. Especially when you combine that with pink clothes and lots of tanning.

  2. Happy Birthday!!

    Obviously though, you messed up on the don’t become an adult side of things: The daughter, the government job…

    On the other hand you have the attitude, you have the French stuff

    Plus you make ME laugh… which keeps me young, thus ensuring you do good deeds, and no doubt doing good deeds keeps ya young ‘n all.

    I’m totally incoherent here aren’t I? It’s too early. I hope you don’t have to be a morning person to stay young; if so, I’m doomed.

  3. Happy Birthday, XUP. In honour of your youthfulness, I think I’ll skive off work this afternoon and destress by eating some very good dark chocolate while expanding my mind with a novel.

  4. Happy Birthday, XUP! Useful tips there. I think I’ll go smile at myself in the mirror for a while now.

    Do something daring today! (and tell us all about it tomorrow)

  5. Happy B-day XUP! Good tips.
    My rugrats keep me young. Well, the younger ones do. The teen makes me feel like a 3000 year old mummy with a bad case of bursitis!
    Hve a great day!

  6. Happy Birthday XUP.
    Think young. Live long.

    great post. I have one to add, be an artist, that can be a great excuse for nonconformity.

    you know I live out of the box

  7. Happy Birthday!! Yay you!!

    And how excellent to wake up to The Fountain of Youth. I think I already have some of these covered, but there is clearly more I should be doing. Thanks for the tips – I’m going to be looking 20 in no time. You know, as opposed to the way I currently look 22. Ahem.

  8. Yay!! Happy birthday, deaaar XUP, happy birthday tooooo yooooou!

    I had to read your list out to my mum, and got a few laughs as well as a “hmmm” or two. You never fail to amuse and delight your followers, and I thank you for the gift of your blog.

  9. Violetsky – Thanks. How could I have forgotten blogging, on my list?

    Meanie – Thanks an excellent sentiment.

    Gila – Thanks. I actually discussed some of this in my How To Be Cool Over 40 post.

    TP – Thanks

    Jazz – Thank you so much. I have taken on a couple of adult responsiblities, (and the second is only because of the first) and I’m completely shirking all the others

    A&J – Thanks and not likely – ha ha

    Alison – Thanks and wow, I’m honoured at the sacrifices you make on my behalf

    OTC – Thanks. At my age, just getting out of bed in the morning is daring. You won’t want to hear about it though

    Jobthingy – Thanks babe!

    Trashee- Thanks. Teenagers make you feel not only old, but really stupid, too.

    Hannah – Thanks. I’ll get right on that.

    Reeky – Thanks. I’ll have to dig out my inner artist and see.

    Lynn – Thanks. 23???? Well, I never…harumph…

    Helen – Thanks. I love, love, love being twins with a little dude!

    Lesley – Thanks. Actually, I think I was at my best in my early 30s. That’s where I’d like to go back to (physically only) and stick.

    Susan – Thanks and awwwww, you’re very sweet.

    Dr. Monkey – Thanks so much monkeyman.

    Kitty – Um.. thank you? Gee for a guy who goes all mushy-gushy over ever other holidayish event, you’re enthusiasm for my birthday is a little disappointing.

    Em – Thank you!

  10. Happy Birthday!!!!
    That’s quite the blaze you have going there, a quick glance, I’m guessing 39 candles 😛
    I completely agree with your 7 suggestions – although I didn’t realize that might strategy might be that well documented by someone! 😉

    Have a great day.

  11. Quack – Thanks. And, YES! Shenanigans is exactly what I need to get up to.

    Ian – Thanks. 39 sounds very good to me. Very good.

    CP – Thanks. As long as you always guess 35, pretty much everyone will be happy.

    Raino – Thanks. I do believe I do have a fire extinguisher somewhere.

    Kitty – I know. It wasn’t about happy and healthy. It was about YOUTH. But you don’t need any advice in that direction anyway, so ignore it.

    Happy – Thanks and I love your name. I don’t think anyone really believes it, but I love it anyway.

  12. Even before I read the entire post, I stop to wish you a great birthday, XUP.
    I would have earlier on facebook, but I haven’t been on facebook yet today.
    Have a great evening and an extra glass of wine.


  13. Pingback: Contemplating mortality « Life Begins at 41…or maybe 43

  14. Many happy returns, XUP! I heartily endorse your seven steps, with particular emphasis on my personal faves, # 4 and #5. Oh yeah – a word to the wise: for #7, just read XUP’s blog! 🙂

  15. On a more upbeat note than the above pingback: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! 😀

    The love of my life’s birthday is tomorrow (he’ll be an old man cat of 14) and he wants me to wish you a happy birthday from him as well.

  16. If wisdom was a product of age, XUP, you would be ancient! But you’re not.

    Learning keeps one young, too, and I just learned something from Alison: the word skive.

    I hope it was a great day.

  17. Bob – Thanks very much. And aw shucks. I’ve gone from a condescending bitch to a wise, non-ancient person in one day!! It WAS a great day.

    CP – You ARE a youngun’!

    Kevin – Thank you

    Olivia – Thanks. I really did.

    Elizabeth – Thanks

    Pinklea – Thanks and the wise could probably find at least one more edifying place to learn things, but thanks anyway.

    Louise – Thanks. I’m going to read your sad post right now. Thanks to the old man, too.

    Geewits – Thanks! Good old Dad Wisdom, eh? My thinking is: I’m not a year older so much as a year closer to retirement. Woo-hoo! (then I can stay home every day too if I want to)

  18. for me, ‘youth’ was ‘happy and healthy’… I’m a bitter old disease ridden monster now or haddn’t you nothiced? No? Aw that’s sweet!

    And for the record… no matter what Bobby says I still think you’re a condescending bitch. 🙂 As I’m mentioned on many occasion, that is why I’m here…


    Might I request a future post: 7 Steps to Eternal Omnipotence … I just feel that’s something that I could use in my everyday…

  19. Kitty – Wouldn’t impotence kind of interfere with your joie de vivre? But, okay I’ll do a post on it some time. (I do enjoy allowing my inner condescending bitch to air once in a while)

  20. Slightly belated happy birthday! My excuse is that you appear to share your birthday with my older son so I was kind of heavily involved in buying iPods and baking inappropriate cakes. Hope you had a great day