Since it’s MY BIRTHDAY TODAY….
(somebody call the fire brigade)
…… I thought this would be a good time to share with you the secrets of my eternal youth.
When I tell people how old I am they always say, “What? You don’t look a day over 22!” Okay, they don’t actually say that, but I can tell by the way they say, “Oh ya?” that this is what they really mean.
So, before I reveal all, you might first want to determine if you even need these secrets. Maybe you’re already eternally youthful and have secrets of your own to reveal.
The test is as follows: Tell people it’s your birthday and tell them you’re 10 years older than you really are. If you’re turning 40, for instance, tell them you’re 50. People always feel obligated to tell you that you look younger and they usually subtract a few years from the age they actually think you look. So, this is the only true way of determining how old you really look to others. (Don’t do this with people more than 20 years younger than you because they won’t have a clue).
People will say, “Wow I thought you were maybe 35,” in which case you’ll know you really do look younger than your age. Or, they might say, “Wow, I thought you were maybe in your early 40s”, in which case you’ll know you look older than your real age and will need to read and absorb these tips for staying young:
- Delay taking on adult responsibilities as long as possible or even avoid them altogether. This includes marriage, parenthood, mortgages, car payments, any other debts and thereby also avoiding a permanent, pensionable job (aka death knell).
- Stay in school for as long as possible
- Travel to, and live in a lot of different places
- Collect experiences rather than stuff
- Live your life like you’re working on a biography. No one is going to want to read about your sensible new dinette set or your great split-level house in the suburbs or how you counted down the days to retirement.
- In that same vein, and/or if you’ve already plunged headlong into the drudgery part of being a grown-up; rewind. Remove anything from your life that’s causing you a lot of stress. Stress ages you faster than almost anything else. So, if you have too many bills or your job is making you miserable or you spend too much of your time fighting with your partner, or you have too many toxic friends, it’s time to find a way out.
- You are what you eat. You eat crap, you’re going to look like crap. You spend all your time depriving yourself of good things, you’re going to look deprived. Eat what you really enjoy and take the time to really enjoy everything you eat. Then you’ll look and feel happy. Happy is youthful.
- Attitude. Don’t think of yourself as whatever age you are because no matter what it is, it will sound old to you in your head and that will affect your attitude. Convince yourself that you’re 10 years younger than you really are and conduct yourself accordingly. Have fun and feel love.
- Laugh every day and smile a lot. Yes, they say laughing and smiling scrunches up your face and causes wrinkles, but it actually lifts every muscle in your face way up high, so it’s kind of like an isotonic face-lift, the effects of which accumulate. And it’s free. And smiling and laughing are good for keeping your innards young, too.
- Keep moving. Sitting behind a desk or a steering wheel or on a couch for more than 50% of your day will allow old age to find you and settle on you like one of those big, heavy, woollen ponchos. Staying upright and mobile keeps Senor old age off your ass/shoulders.
- Use your brain. Yes, everything was better in your day, but that day is long gone. Find out what’s going on NOW. Read, learn new stuff, explore, question, debate, think — engage your grey matter.
In conclusion, don’t get into the rut of societal expectations if you want to maintain your verve, panache, joie de vivre other French things for a long time. Live outside the box.