Infrequently Touted Harbinger of Spring

coatcleavage3

THE COAT CLEAVAGE

(coaticus cleavacus)

When temperatures in northern climates reach between -5 and +5 C (23-41 F) the Canadian Female (sub-species Ottawan) sheds her colourful neck and breast plummage and lowers her tufted coat zippage.

It is believed this transition serves the dual purpose of cooling down the body as outdoor temperatures rise, and of attracting the Canadian Male in preparation for the spring mating season.

This  shedding of plummage continues in the Canadian Female until late spring/early summer when she takes on the new sub-species:  tanktopicus

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30 responses to “Infrequently Touted Harbinger of Spring

  1. Wow, that is one, er, two, big hOOters pic!

    I was out yesterday and kept looking around for my scarf until I realized I hadn’t worn one. I felt rather daring, for February, actually.

  2. That’s funny, I was just admiring some coat cleavage the other day. Myself, I’m not quite ready for it just yet. I chill easily in the chest/neck area.

  3. Well – as the father of 3 girls – one of which is approaching 16, and is a member of the species ‘stupidus maximus’ with regards to winter clothing, I see how this kind of thing materializes…

    As a guy – I can appreciate this transition 😉

  4. Bandobras – Don’t let them get too warm – causes chaffing

    Violetsky – Yes, Woodsy’s tank top magnificence can’t be captured on regular sized photos.

    Raino – It was nice yesterday, wasn’t it? I saw lots of coat cleavage.

    Aggie – It’s mostly the young girls who need to air their perky buds almost all year around. Us more mature women just bring our more mature tah-tahs out for photo ops.

    Ian – Teenagers give the impression that they don’t feel the cold like we do, but it’s not true. I distinctly remember being a teenager and being completely under-dressed in the winter because I didn’t want to look all bulky and wrapped up and I was always freezing my ass off. It was just worth the trade-off back then. Now it does indeed seem stupidus maximus.

  5. Ah the return of the sweater puppy.
    Its 12C out right now – I think I will be driving by a high school later today.

  6. Too funny. I never see this transition living in the Southern U.S. But right around this time of year we do tend to see bare arms. And the comment “that’s a what NOT to wear” can be heard quite often.

  7. Lynn – It’s all about the tank tops. Feeling naked whilst still looking modest.

    Bob – I didn’t realize you were such a big fan of spring?

    DaniGirl – Wow, that’s quite an anatomical mind-bender. Alison said she tucked her cleavage into her jeans. When I met her, the first thing I looked at was her boobs. I think I may have been disappointed that they were right there front and centre where they were supposed to be — not in her jeans at all. So now I’m suspicious of anyone who makes wild claims like this about their mammaries.

    Lebowski – Sweater puppy??? And be careful, I think they can arrest old pervs like you for lurking around school yards.

    Hannah – Thanks. I think.

    Jobthingy – I know! I know! I challenge you to post some coat cleavage of your own. That would smack spring right upside the head and wake him up!

    Charlene – Coat cleavage isn’t exactly haute couture around here either. It’s just a phenomena that makes me smile.

    OTC – Well you — YOU have so many other magnetizing qualities you’d draw them like flies even wrapped up in sleeping bags. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, by the way.

    Kevin – Get some film next time. I do believe the Audubon Society is paying big bucks for actual footage.

  8. You should take a trip to Scotland sometime in the summer to see the display of the interesting sub-species Blue and Goosepimply Tanktopicus, believed to be the result of wearing a tank top in summer but forgetting that it is a Scottish summer, distinguishable from a Scottish winter only by the fact that the rain is better lit.

  9. XUP – I was wearing a bra when we met. If it wasn’t for the miracle of underwire and spandex my boobs would not have been visible above table level.

  10. Loth – you made cola come out of my nose with your comment. It reminds me of something my grandfather used to say. He and my grandmother lived in Saltcoats, not too far from Prestwick. He used to say that if you could see the island of Arran clearly, it meant that it was going to rain. And if you couldn’t see it clearly, it was raining.

  11. Thank you for exposing this important topic on your blog.

    Maybe it’s just my line of work but it seems to me that cleavage abounds year round. Necklines plunge even when the temperature does as well. It’s hell dealing with scantily-clad young ladies on a regular basis but that is what the criminal justice system underpays me to do.

    Higher temperatures do bring higher skirt hemlines. Except, of course, for some Cathalic school girls who seem impervious to frigid temperatures.

    What seems to have no correlation to temperature is the gap between waistline (I can’t remember when waistlines were actually at the waist…probably the mid 70s) and whatever is worn on top. Maybe this could be the subject of future discussions?

    Thanks once again for bringing boobies out in the open where they belong. The Ontario Court of Appeal would be proud of you. 🙂

  12. Thanks, dear. With all these wonderful birthday wishes I’m getting from you everywhere, I can’t wait to see what you do on my actual birthday. 😉

  13. Depends….

    Adolescent Candadian females and males are known to keep their summer plumage all year around.

    Despite the cold weather and discomfort, they still refuse to adapt to the cooler climate, hanging around bus-shelters in jeans and windbreakers at minus 20C. In the hopes of gaining acceptance by their peers, and perhaps gaining attention from the opposite sex.

  14. Loth – Scotland sounds a lot like Nova Scotia (I guess that’s where they got the name). One of the big reasons I left the place was because of its charming non-seasons

    Alison – Okay, okay, I’ll stipulate that you have saggy boobs. Are you happy now?

    Falstaff – I don’t know where you’ve been but the “exposed belly’ look is sooooooooooooo over. No self-respecting young woman with fashion sense exposes more than a millimeter of belly anymore.

    OTC – Ya, well, I’m busy Thursday and I know how long it takes you to get around to reading other blogs, your comments and your Facebook page… (see how I neatly turned that around so I look crafty and sensitive instead of stupid?)

    Friar – Yes, it’s true. Competition for mates is fierce during the prime fertile years, so they need to push out all the stops (including bus stops)

    Pinklea – Ornithology, especially, has really taken off I find.

    Dr. Monkey – An award? Pour moi? So far I’m not liking the sounds of not-super-superior, but I’ll check out the link anyway. Thank you?

  15. ahaaahaahaaa! See, the funny thing is that, I wear a hijab, so this doesn’t happen for me, but even without the hijab, i’m one of these people who’s very prone to chest colds. I get uncomfortable if my neck is cold at all. legs, ok. Neck, no… so this would just NEVER work for me.

  16. Ah, I remember wearing high heels and an open coat all during the winters in Halifax when I was in my 20s. (It’s amazing how well stilleto heels work as makeshift pitons on the icy cobblestones downtown.) After all, what’s more important at that age, looking good or being warm? I think you know the answer to that.

    Now, I still don’t do up my coat or wear a scarf, but the tetas aren’t in danger — or maybe they’re just affected too much by gravity to constitute cleavage. 😉

  17. Noha – Ya, I can see that hijab cleavage just wouldn’t work. My neck and chest get cold easily too, so I never go out like this until it gets really warm.

    Leah – I think it’s funny when the young girls start unzipping their coats. They’re still wearing boots, mittens and hats and winter coats, but they’re unzipped far enough to show their little cleavages (or big cleavages in some cases)

    Louise – You still don’t do up your coat? Why not? Do you walk outside for any length of time or are you one of those house to car to office jumpers so you never actually have a chance to feel the cold?

  18. No, I just overheat easily. As long as my arms and shoulders are covered, I’m usually pretty good unless it’s like -20 or really windy. I usually have a sweater or fleece something-or-other under it so I’m not completely unprotected, but that’s generally not done up all the way.