To Wed or To Bed?

Okay, speaking of rich people, I’m reading a novel that takes place in Florence, Italy. There are a lot of rich people in it and they all have mistresses and whatever the male equivalent of that is. (Manstress? Kept Man? Bimboy?)

I’m making it sound like a hokey book, but it’s really not – the mistress part is very incidental – just local colour/background to the main story.

Nevertheless, as I’m reading, I’m wondering if it would be better to be the… let’s call it “consort” to cover both male and female sexual partners who are not one’s spouse but who are financially indulged…..

So, would it be better to be the consort of a rich person or the spouse of a rich person? Let’s say for the sake of argument that you have no money of your own in either case.

The following table will outline the pros and cons of each as I see it.




  Has legitimacy (social & legal) Looks/feels like a fool for constantly being betrayed
  Full access to the cash Totally dependant on spouse
  A real home, family & extended family Has no control over his/her own life
  Number one choice to attend all the important functions Always in the public eye
  Gets the insurance if spouse dies May end up with nothing if there’s a pre-nup and spouse decides to divorce



  Freedom -no commitment Risk of falling in love with rich scumbag who will never leave their spouse
  Tidy little income Out in the cold if something happens to the lover or if lover decides to move on
  Only needs to deal with sugar daddy/mamma on an occasional basis Can’t conduct real relationship with anyone else
  Knows exactly what the score is Lots of lonely holidays
  Free to conduct personal life, have a career, when not with lover At someone’s beck and call all the time in exchange for a nice condo, cash, exotic trips & fabulous gifts

***** Some of you who might have experience on any one of the sides of this quadrangle, might have some other important insights to share. They would be much appreciated.

Which do you think would be best and why? (Note: Rich Person is not one of the options).

Have a great weekend!


26 responses to “To Wed or To Bed?

  1. Personally I like the phrases “Himbo” or “Cabana boy”, as a term for a male lover, lol.

    As for the question, I would rather be the Spouse. Consorts were only considered good if they were young and loyal and after being at someone’s “beck and call” for so long, you tend to lose both youth and loyalty. (No I’m not speaking from experience! lol) Plus, what happens if the female lover get pregnant? Yikes.

  2. Spouse is always best but only in the context of life partner and equal and loved help mate. If the other partner (rich or not) is a sleazy scumbag, I think it is best to pack the bags and leave, sue for adequate alimony and let the mistress enjoy the spoils of winning the prize of an unfaithful loser.

  3. Um, I choose ‘none of the above’. Being on one’s own has a lot going for it.

    You have control of your money, your social calendar, your time, and the TV remote.
    You decide when and where to go on vacation and what to eat for dinner.
    You only have to deal with one (possibly annoying) family.
    You get the whole bed, and no one messes up your bathroom.
    You can do as you please with no one complaining about your decisions.

    I’ve been a spouse (though not of a rich person), I’ve never been a consort, and frankly, I’d rather just be a single person.

  4. I would call that a “boytoy”, by the way. 🙂

    It really depends. If the guy has a wife and mistress in any case, I would rather be the mistress.

    Or possibly the wife with no prenuptial agreement and a very good private detective for when I want to get divorced.

    I know my mom’s best friend married a really old guy with loads of cash. Disadvantage: She just turned 60, the guy is still going strong at almost 90, is a complete bastard who keeps the money tight, and she has no money of her own…

    Wouldn’t be my kind of life, to be honest.

  5. I’ve always heard it as boy toy or pool boy.

    in all seriousness, I had the opportunity to be one in the 80’s. a friend of mine had a friend that was filthy rich and was looking for a boy toy. she offered a guest house and a car. I couldn’t do it. Sounded great in theory but when actually handed the opportunity, it got weird.

    but I know a couple of people that have taken the consort path. I think your comparison chart is so right on, pros and cons on both sides. all the stuff about being left out in the cold is a possibility but not always the case.

    one situation I know of has spanned 30+ years, the boy toy was allowed to have his own younger toy as the situation evolved (talk about weird). And orignial toy now has a giant house (as a gift, in their own name) and an apartment in one of the trendy cities in the world.

    oh yeah, here’s another consort that made out. my grandfather was RICH. Guess who got all his money. His consort. My grandmother died poor.

  6. I like the french outlook on it.
    Two guys I know fell into the “trap” of having long term mistresses. After several years the mistress has all the benefits of being a wife – such as the ability to sue for a percentage of the keeper’s personal wealth.
    I wanna be a boytoy.

  7. “BIMBOY?!?!”

    If this isn’t already in the dictionary I am writing Webster’s immediately. And

    Ugh. Being involved with anyone with boatloads of bucks – whether as spouse or consort – well, no good can come of it. I’ll take a man with a more average income ANY DAY. I’m not kidding. I’m just not overly motivated by cash and never have been.

    Which also seriously explains the sad state of my wallet. But whatever.

  8. Hannah- Himbo – That’s pretty good too. But they don’t always have to be “bo” or short term. Look at Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy.

    LGS – Ah, but the choice was being married to the scumball or being his/her consort. Of course the “perfect marriage”option would be best.

    Tom – Oh yes, I remember, you’re only interested in virgins. Very wise.

    Ellie – The author is Christobel Kent and she has 3 or 4 novels all taking place in various evocative locations in Italy. The story is interesting, but I love just spending a few hours in Tuscany or Florence this time of year and she’s very good at that.

    Gila – you make a very good case for “consort”. Imagine marrying some old coot, 30 years older, for money and then at 60 it starts to look like he might actually outlive you! I guess you reap what you sow.

    Jazz – Well, okay. Somebody has to be the rich person, I guess.

    Reeky – Ya, I’ve heard of some of these things that go on forever. While the majority of “love triangles” follow the usual seedy path to destruction, I imagine there are some that work out well for everyone involved.

    CT – wow – thanks for visiting all the way from Russia. I’m glad you found it interesting and I hope you come back for more interesting fun. I’m going to try to google translate your blog and see what it’s all about.

    Lebowski – Errr… I think your “toy-boy” days might be well behind you. Sorry. But who knows? To some 70-year-old spunky rich dame, you might be just the ticket. Do you still look good in a tux? And out of one?

    Lesley – Come on! It’s just as easy to love someone with money as it is to love some poor guy whose idea of a great dinner out is Red Lobster.

  9. According to all the Dear Abby letters I have read, you have to be particularly suited to be happy as the ignored wife or the mistress. The ones who are happy with that set-up, on both sides, are a very pronounced minority. I suppose then that it really comes down to your constitution (with some religion thrown in for fun) as to which you would be happier with – or even if you could be happy either way.

  10. I think “bimboy” is my very favourite new word.

    If I had a cheating husband I would dump him in a heartbeat. But, for argument’s sake, I think I might like to be the wife who has a really cute bimboy pool boy. Also, I would like to be rich enough to have a nanny who could watch my children a couple of times a week so that I may inspect the pool boy in the hot tub… Er… I mean, inspect the hot tub with the pool boy. You know, to make sure he’s doing his job and all…

  11. Yes I do look good in a tux!
    But I am hoping for a YOUNG woman who like a distinguished looking gentleman in a suit, but a total freak with scars and tattoos when naked!

  12. Yeah I am going to have to go with being the Rich person with the spouse and the consort. Of course I would have to take a spoon and dig out the part of my brain with feelings to be both rich and have a mistress. Let’s do a pro-con list on digging part of your brain out with a spoon.

  13. Geewits- People writing to advice columnists aren’t happy to begin with, so really there could be zillions of happy adulterers and adulterees out there we never hear about. I doubt it, though.

    The Maven – I think tonight, just for fun, you should put your man in a speedo and hand him a pool net and play a little Filthy Rich Maven seduced Sexy Poolboy game

    Lebowski – Good luck with that and keep me posted.

    Cedar – Obviously you haven’t read the rules of this game. You’re not allowed to be the rich person. The rule clearly state this. Of course everyone will want to be the rich person with or without wife and/or consort. Also I can’t see any pros to digging out brains with spoon.

  14. Well several have written in to defend their choices, but you’re right, maybe they are a tiny majority of the ones that are fine with it. But I also doubt it.

  15. I stick by my long-standing feelings of too much money just skeevs me out! (Making it myself? That’s a different story.) (That can be filed under THINGS THAT HAVE NO CHANCE OF HAPPENING.)

  16. Helen – Or neither!! I see that as the best option of all.

    Geewits – I doubt it, too.

    Lesley – So does that mean when I become a multi-zillionaire you won’t be my friend anymore?

    Mama Zen – Good cover…as long as you have a pool

  17. Hmm. I dunno. I think I’d choose spouse, just because then you have the option of getting your own consort/cabana boy/boy-toy/bimboy (“bimboy” is my favourite, by the way. I’m also a fan of “bitty”. I really like “bitty”. I suppose it works mostly for girls, but I still use it in relation to boys) and extracting revenge on your cheating spouse in the best way possible.

  18. Davis – If you were the poor spouse, I’m not sure you’d have that much freedom. That’s the problem. The poor spouse is completely dependent on the rich spouse, so dare not step out of line or risk getting kicked out on his or her keester without a penny. Also, sex should not be used as revenge. It makes everyone involved feel like crap.

  19. I think it’s good to have a few in each category. It’s an awful burden to expect everything from ONE person.

    When you say “book” you really mean you and your neighbors up North, right? I knew that’s how you survived the winter.