Let’s Show the Rich Some Love

sign1As noted on Nowhere IL., and lesser mediums like TV, newspapers, radio and magazines, the rich are having a hard time these days. They’re losing all their money because of this recession business that George W. Bush, (one time president of the United States of America), started because he wasn’t too good at this budgeting stuff unlike our own Prime Minister Harper , who’s quite suddenly become a total shopaholic.

Anyway, a lot of people are gleefully clapping their hands and jumping up and down because rich people are taking a metaphorical bath in something called the “Stock Market”, which apparently means their money is swirling down the drain faster than they use to earn it — which was pretty darn fast.

How fast? Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of bail-out bank number one, Goldman Sachs, took home nearly $54 million last year. Now, I’m no math genius, but seems to me he was earning more than a million a week. That’s some fast cash.

Some people might take exception to the term “earn” when it applies to rich people acquiring money, but I happen to think they do earn it. I don’t think being rich is a walk in the park.

Nobody becomes rich or stays rich by sitting on their heinies watching Oprah. Even Paris Hilton, who was born into money, still has to sell shoes and do  stupid TV programs with weird, smelly poor people to keep her head above water. Or look at Britney Spears, who’s a zillionaire and still  has to do a lot of really inane things to keep making money – like acting cuckoo all the time or flashing her cootchie in public.

There’s a lot of pressure involved in being rich. Me, if they tell me I’m going to lose all my money tomorrow, I’ll think “whoop-dee-doo, I’ll take that crate of bottles to The Beer Store and have all my money back lickity-split.  

Rich people losing all their money means a huge drop for them into a world for which they’re ill-equipped. Look at poor Prince Charles who needs a special valet to squeeze his toothpaste tube for him.

Becoming poor is the number one fear among rich people. Dying, cancer, war, pestilence – all that stuff that scares the crap out of us regular folk is money in the bank to rich people.

But the thought of becoming poor eats away at the guts and minds of the rich 24/7. They go to extreme lengths not to become poor. They work 20 hours a day; they suck up to the most disgusting people on earth; like purveyors of death, cancer, war and pestilence; they sell their souls to Satan himself.

Oh sure, we can mock them and vilify them, but we need the rich. They build our Rockefeller Centers and Eaton Centres and Trump Plazas and Conrad Black Holes. They employ most of us in their automotive factories, media empires, corporations and conglomerates (whatever those are). Their tax shelters keep most of our social and cultural programs afloat (What? You didn’t think it was government grants, did you?). And without the rich we’d all be Communists and so far that hasn’t worked out too well anywhere.

In conclusion, we need to do something to help the rich during these trying economic times. Perhaps we could get Bob Geldof to do one of those live concert thingies with a lot of his rich rock star friends. And they could sing sad songs to make all us poor folks cry. ‘Cuz as soon as they get our tears to start flowing, they know our money can’t be far behind.


21 responses to “Let’s Show the Rich Some Love

  1. So often people forget that wealth building – in its TRUE sense of the word is what makes everything possible. All those “rich” people who actually produce nothing except for reams of paper to hide the trail that they made money merely by shuffling paper around or by buying and selling little slips of paper on the stock market based on the latest trend or belief that company X while not actually having any assets or revenue stream to speak of will be the next big thing deserve exactly what they get.
    Funny though when you think of it – if these “rich” people are losing all that money – they must be losing it to SOMEONE?
    Where are the beneficiaries of those losses? The whole concept of LOSING in the marketplace implies someone is WINNING.
    I am sure that SOMEWHERE out there is someone who right now is not blaming a change in the way that wall street is run but is blaming a middle eastern ethno/religious group who at this point will remain nameless.

  2. I am friends with a true old school blue blood. He’s old money, and trust me, the truly rich don’t have to work. He is in his 70’s and still gets a trust fund check every month (helps if you bloodline has Rockerfeller, Mellon, McCormick, Vanderbuilt, and so on. the true blue bloods intermarried long ago to intermingle the crazy wealth).

    But for a lot of the other rich, the new money, you are onto something. Take for instance this headline:

    The Financial Crisis Is Driving Hordes of Americans to Suicide


    It’s like the old saying, “The bigger they are, the harder they fall” is very true with those fixated on maintaining their wealth. If they don’t have money, they loose their identity. That’s sad. We should be nice to the “recently-was-rich” folks.

  3. “Conrad Black Hole” *snort*

    I’m sure the rich think they are different from us. I read recently of a case coming up before the courts (not sure if it’s a Quebec provincial court or the SC of Canada) where the common-law wife of a very rich man is trying to have alimony granted now that the relationship is over, even though Quebec law mandates only child support, and not alimony for common-law marriages. It seems that the $35,000 per month (PER MONTH) that she receives, plus the million-dollar home she and the 3 children own is not enough.

    Knowing how much child support I receive per month, and even more, knowing how much child support *you’ve* received throughout your daughter’s life, the comparison is ludicrous. I simply cannot conceive of having a lifestyle so lavish/wasteful/silly that $420,000 a year (tax free, as child support is not taxed) can’t support a family of 4.

  4. Likely this topic will elicit the usual comments tasting of sour grapes. And what is rich but a relative term.

  5. This is TERRIBLE. I can only imagine how hard it is to be rich. As a poor-ish person, I fear every single day that this will happen to me. Which would be bad as I am not the kind of person comfy with flashing my cootchie at the cameras. Or being on TV next to smelly people.

    I like the idea of a another Live Aid. Other options include telethons (is Jerry Lewis still alive?) or charity walks or maybe even Wikipedia as didn’t they just raise some ungodly amount of money in like 2.5 minutes or something?

    I’m going to find a rich person to hug today.

  6. Lebowski states the rich must be losing their money to someone but that’s not always true. If you have bought something at a ridiculously inflated price and suddenly everyone figures that out, you can end up with no one to sell to or at the best sell it for way less than you bought it.
    Hard to believe but at one time tulip bulbs, yeah the ones you put in the garden to grow flowers, went on a bubble and became more costly than gold. People paid thousands for them and then when the bubble burst they were left with very pretty gardens and nothing else. This happens over and over when the market starts following some mania instead of actual value and it always ends up like it is now.
    Luckily I have avoided becoming rich my entire life and so I now have very little to lose. See how smart I’ve been.

  7. Dguzman – Appreciated

    Lebowski – At first I, too wondered where all this “lost” money went, but then I figured that rich people’s money isn’t the same as our money. I don’t think it’s actual money. I’m not entirely sure what they use to determine their financial standing or even what they use to acquire things, but whatever it is they’re losing, it’s not laying around in the streets ready to be picked up by someone else.

    Reeky – Okay, he doesn’t have to work in his 70s, but someone, somewhere along the line had to do something. So all this guy’s been doing all his life is cashing trust fund cheques? Not adding to the family fortune in any way? Bad rich guy. And yes, we should all take a moment out of our petty lives to think about what it must be like to be rich in these trying times.

    Alison – I guess it’s all a matter of perspective. If she’s used to living on 5 times that much, she’ll feel hard done by right now. Just like if you were suddenly expected to live on 5 times less than you do now. You’d think it was impossible, yet there are plenty of people doing it who think you’ve got it made. Very Twilight Zone, isn’t it?

    Tom – Hey I just said “rich is a relative term” to Alison above. Or did you mean how we may not be rich in money, but rich in family, friends and love, you old hippy you? (And thanks for clicking the links I worked so hard to round up)

    Lesley – Yes, I’m glad I was able to shine the light of public attention on this topic kept so much in the dark. One can try to put one’s self into the shoes of the more fortunate, but one will never truly know what they suffer until we’ve walked almost half a block in their Manolos (before the limo picks us up).

    Bandobras – Thank you for explaining high finance to us. I had also been wondering exactly what it is the rich have been losing. It obviously wasn’t actual money. I had no idea so many people where hanging their fortunes on tulip bulbs. So when Bush said he was bailing out the banks, was he giving them actual tulip bulbs or setting out some decree that forces everyone to keep paying way too much for tulip bulbs so that the rich can stay rich? Ah heck, I’m still confused.

    Mama Zen – I have no cake. Do you have cake? I’d like some cake if you have some. I think pineapple upside down is my favourite cake although I haven’t had it in quite a while. But then the other day I saw Alison was making something called Blueberry Buckle. That looked really, really good. With whipped cream. Do you have any of that?

  8. Stand not too near the rich man lest he destroy thee – and not too far away lest he forget thee.
    Aneurin Bevan

    That guy was a Welsh politician so surely he knew of what he spake. hee hee I used “spake.”

  9. Geewits – Spake… good word. We should try to work it into more blog posts see if we can revive it.. Excellent quote.

    Lesley – Ya, you can’t walk too far in those shoes

  10. I want to experience being a little rich just for research. If it all goes down the tubes, I’ll have a wealth of experience and be right back where I started. If it doesn’t, I’ll only be a little worried about losing it, which is not much different than being a little worried about never getting it in the first place. I think. Must research.

  11. Violetsky – Yes. Funny how for poor people the fear of becoming rich isn’t as anxiety provoking as the fear of becoming poor is to rich people. I’d be happy to join you in that research project.

    Jazz- I haven’t seen this. And it won’t let me view it from this link for some reason. I’ll see if I can hunt it down on the 22-minutes site. Thanks

  12. Lost – I think they’re probably just as happy as everyone else — they’re just unhappy about a lot of different things than us regular folk are unhappy about

  13. “Me, if they tell me I’m going to lose all my money tomorrow, I’ll think “whoop-dee-doo, I’ll take that crate of bottles to The Beer Store and have all my money back lickity-split. ”

    ——– HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA! That was brilliant…

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