Let’s Show the Rich Some Love

sign1As noted on Nowhere IL., and lesser mediums like TV, newspapers, radio and magazines, the rich are having a hard time these days. They’re losing all their money because of this recession business that George W. Bush, (one time president of the United States of America), started because he wasn’t too good at this budgeting stuff unlike our own Prime Minister Harper , who’s quite suddenly become a total shopaholic.

Anyway, a lot of people are gleefully clapping their hands and jumping up and down because rich people are taking a metaphorical bath in something called the “Stock Market”, which apparently means their money is swirling down the drain faster than they use to earn it — which was pretty darn fast.

How fast? Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of bail-out bank number one, Goldman Sachs, took home nearly $54 million last year. Now, I’m no math genius, but seems to me he was earning more than a million a week. That’s some fast cash.

Some people might take exception to the term “earn” when it applies to rich people acquiring money, but I happen to think they do earn it. I don’t think being rich is a walk in the park.

Nobody becomes rich or stays rich by sitting on their heinies watching Oprah. Even Paris Hilton, who was born into money, still has to sell shoes and do  stupid TV programs with weird, smelly poor people to keep her head above water. Or look at Britney Spears, who’s a zillionaire and still  has to do a lot of really inane things to keep making money – like acting cuckoo all the time or flashing her cootchie in public.

There’s a lot of pressure involved in being rich. Me, if they tell me I’m going to lose all my money tomorrow, I’ll think “whoop-dee-doo, I’ll take that crate of bottles to The Beer Store and have all my money back lickity-split.  

Rich people losing all their money means a huge drop for them into a world for which they’re ill-equipped. Look at poor Prince Charles who needs a special valet to squeeze his toothpaste tube for him.

Becoming poor is the number one fear among rich people. Dying, cancer, war, pestilence – all that stuff that scares the crap out of us regular folk is money in the bank to rich people.

But the thought of becoming poor eats away at the guts and minds of the rich 24/7. They go to extreme lengths not to become poor. They work 20 hours a day; they suck up to the most disgusting people on earth; like purveyors of death, cancer, war and pestilence; they sell their souls to Satan himself.

Oh sure, we can mock them and vilify them, but we need the rich. They build our Rockefeller Centers and Eaton Centres and Trump Plazas and Conrad Black Holes. They employ most of us in their automotive factories, media empires, corporations and conglomerates (whatever those are). Their tax shelters keep most of our social and cultural programs afloat (What? You didn’t think it was government grants, did you?). And without the rich we’d all be Communists and so far that hasn’t worked out too well anywhere.

In conclusion, we need to do something to help the rich during these trying economic times. Perhaps we could get Bob Geldof to do one of those live concert thingies with a lot of his rich rock star friends. And they could sing sad songs to make all us poor folks cry. ‘Cuz as soon as they get our tears to start flowing, they know our money can’t be far behind.

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