With 5 young nephews and a mother who’s the Gadget Queen, my brothers and I spent a good part of the holidays assembling stuff. (Okay, they did the assembling while I was in charge of de-coding instructions). You might think this made for some great sibling bonding, but you’d be wrong. It was extraordinarily aggravating for all concerned.
Alison’s New Year’s Day project was to assemble an IKEA CD tower. That didn’t sound like a lot of fun to me either and she seemed to have a few issues with it as well. I’m sure we’re not the only ones who had to assemble things before, during and after the holidays – everything from toys to appliances to furniture and I just want to say — what the hell?”
When did we sign up to become bicycle manufacturers and furniture builders? And for the same price as you used to be able to get ready made stuff? Because I gotta tell ya, any piece of furniture that I assemble is going to be crap. It will wobble. It will lean. It will collapse. Any appliance I have to build will blow up. Guaranteed. Any toy I put together will crumble into it’s original tiny bits at first contact and be swallowed by the 3 and under crowd.
I hate IKEA most of all. Who do they think they are with their giant stores and their Scandanavian-named stuff? Oldiskiin – the curtain rod that you have to weld together. Dorfvaad the leather ottoman whose hide you have to cure in your own tannery. Klaskeveld, the kitchen you have to build from a truckload of blvunder-wood with an Allen-key. No actual Scandanavian would be caught dead with this shit in their home.
I know the manufacturing industry’s in trouble and it’s not economically feasible to hire people to make stuff anymore, but this do-it-yourself lark, isn’t the answer.
Like those restaurants that advertise their “exciting” bread bar feature where you can toast your own bread! Who decided this would be fun? I’m paying $15 for spaghetti that I can make at home for 75 cents — the least they can do is cook ALL my food for me.
A while ago, I bought a vacuum cleaner. It was beautifully displayed in the shop, but it wasn’t until I got the box home that I discovered the fine print, “assembly required”.
I took it straight back to the store and demanded my money back. “I came here to buy a vacuum!” I declared.” I do not need a hobby. I am NOT an electrical appliance maker person. I am not qualified to build vacuum cleaners.”
They tried to convince me that this is how vacuums were sold and that it wasn’t a big deal to put it together myself, but I told them I wasn’t interested and that I would use my O-Cedar broom until I found someone willing to sell me a fully functional vacuum.
They eventually agreed to build it for me. They had a lot of trouble trying to put it together. I had to come back the next day. HA!
Why are we putting up with this? Why would I want to buy some piece of junk bed from IKEA for $350 that I have to build myself when I could get a real bed for a bit more money, put together by a professional craftsperson/factory?
If we’re not careful this trend is going to take over the whole retail industry and instead of clothing they’ll be selling us nice flat boxes with bits of fabric, a stapler and some jolly illustrations to show you how to put together your own Vinter Koot.