I don’t want to get into anything controversial here, especially on a Friday, but I really need to talk about this; get some advice. I’m confused and depressed because I seem to have completely lost my pineapple libido.
Ever since I can remember I’ve had a very strong pineapple drive. I loved it. I could never get enough. I wasn’t even all that discriminating about where I got my pineapple. I’d even pay for pineapple.
I had it all — fresh, canned, pineapple juice, pineapple orange ice cream, pineapple upside down cake, pineapple smoothies, pineapple and whipped cream, sizzling hot pineapple fritters from the local fish & chip shop….
I hungered for Morning Glory muffins just because they had a couple of chunks of pineapple in them. I sometimes had pizza only to get close to some different kind of pineapple. Once I even stooped to eating the pineapple off a pork roast. I felt so Hugh Grant afterwards but, it was totally worth it.
I often thought my insatiable appetite for pineapple bordered on an obsession, but I was too ashamed to ask for help and there were no books I could turn to.
So I just gave in. I couldn’t resist the lure of pineapple anyway. It was the first thing I’d think of every morning. Even before I opened my eyes, the desire to wrap my lips around a big juicy chunk of pineapple burned within me. I craved it all day. Its exotic scent filled my head. I was distracted by thoughts of pineapple no matter what I was doing. I’d be shopping and see some kid’s Mohawk and immediately a rush of pineapple lust flowed through me.
Sometimes I’d have a quickie pineapple nooner. But I still couldn’t wait to get home at the end of the day to indulge in an orgy of more pineapple. Nothing could fulfill my yearning for that tangy sweet mouth tingle the way pineapple could.
And then one day, it went away. Just like that. The desire completely disappeared. Oh, for a while I’d still eat it, but I was just going through the motions and we both knew it. And then, inevitably I gave up. There was no point. I wasn’t enjoying it anymore.
How did this happen? I miss pineapple. I should say, I miss the memory of the intense joy pineapple brought me all those years. But I look at the fruit itself now and just shake my head, perplexed. I see pineapple and feel nothing. It’s just another fruit. I look at its limp, pallid spears and am moved only to indifference.
I feel nothing special about pineapple anymore. It has no attractive qualities or beckoning nutrients for me anymore. It’s stringy and acerbic. And I know that tingle was just the bromelain enzyme eating away at the flesh in my mouth.
Really, pineapple isn’t even worth a whole blog post.
Unless it helped me find a way to recapture the rapture…