A Juicy Affair

I don’t want to get into anything controversial here, especially on a Friday, but I really need to talk about this; get some advice. I’m confused and depressed because I seem to have completely lost my pineapple libido.

Ever since I can remember I’ve had a very strong pineapple drive. I loved it. I could never get enough. I wasn’t even all that discriminating about where I got my pineapple. I’d even pay for pineapple.

I had it all — fresh, canned, pineapple juice, pineapple orange ice cream, pineapple upside down cake, pineapple smoothies, pineapple and whipped cream, sizzling hot pineapple fritters from the local fish & chip shop….

I hungered for Morning Glory muffins just because they had a couple of chunks of pineapple in them. I sometimes had pizza only to get close to some different kind of pineapple. Once I even stooped to eating the pineapple off a pork roast. I felt so Hugh Grant afterwards but,  it was totally worth it.

I often thought my insatiable appetite for pineapple bordered on an obsession, but I was too ashamed to ask for help and there were no books I could turn to.

So I just gave in. I couldn’t resist the lure of pineapple anyway. It was the first thing I’d think of every morning. Even before I opened my eyes, the desire to wrap my lips around a big juicy chunk of pineapple burned within me. I craved it all day. Its exotic scent filled my head. I was distracted by thoughts of pineapple no matter what I was doing. I’d be shopping and see some kid’s Mohawk and immediately a rush of pineapple lust flowed through me.

Sometimes I’d have a quickie pineapple nooner. But I still couldn’t wait to get home at the end of the day to indulge in an orgy of more pineapple. Nothing could fulfill my yearning for that tangy sweet mouth tingle the way pineapple could.

And then one day, it went away.  Just like that. The desire completely disappeared. Oh, for a while I’d still eat it, but I was just going through the motions and we both knew it. And then, inevitably I gave up. There was no point. I wasn’t enjoying it anymore.

How did this happen? I miss pineapple. I should say, I miss the memory of the intense joy pineapple brought me all those years. But I look at the fruit itself now and just shake my head, perplexed. I see pineapple and feel nothing. It’s just another fruit. I look at its limp, pallid spears and am moved only to indifference.

I feel nothing special about pineapple anymore. It has no attractive qualities or beckoning nutrients for me anymore. It’s stringy and acerbic. And I know that tingle was just the bromelain enzyme eating away at the flesh in my mouth.

Really, pineapple isn’t even worth a whole blog post. 

Is it?

Unless it helped me find a way to recapture the rapture…  pineapple2


26 responses to “A Juicy Affair

  1. Move on. There’s only so much you can get from an affair. Obviously, you’re a serial monogamist. You need to find something else to feed your obsession. Mango? Papaya? The steady, slightly boring, but always there for you apple?

    It was good while it lasted, but it’s obviously time for you to move on.

  2. I hate to mention it, (joyfully trying to deflate a much younger person) but I think its menopause. There will never be any real joy in your life from now on. You may as well start collecting cats or develop some other quirky obsession cause the juice is gone and aint coming back.

  3. This post is filled with double entendre for me, since The Porcupine’s other nickname is Pineapple Boy. (Don’t ask.)

    I’m so sorry this great love has left you, but I have to believe you can find a new, greater love to take its place! Jazz’s suggestions of mango and payaya are good. Or maybe grapes? raspberries (a personal favorite) or green olives – you know, the kind that are in your extra dirty martinis??

    Just a thought.

  4. Jazz – I do enjoy the occasional daliance with papaya and strawberries and peaches and I have a pretty regular thing going with bananas, apples and blueberries, but the passion I had for pineapple just isn’t there. Thank you for your support, though.

    Bandobras – You’re probably right, but it’s some awfully mean of you to point it out. I feel flushed now and want to burst into tears.

    Missy – Don’t listen to Bandobras – he’s just a grumpy old man

    Lesley – You think it’s only filled with double entendre for you? Then I must be doing something wrong because I kind of hoped other people would get a bit of the DE as well — people who aren’t intimitely acquainted with Porcupines and Pineapple Boys. (He doesn’t sound very warm and cuddly, does he?)

    Uncouth – Ya it’s quite gruesome. The guys who have to pick pineapple (pineapples??) have to wear special heavy duty pineapple picking gloves or the flesh on their hands actually gets eaten away. Who wants to mess with a fruit like that? If it really is a fruit…

  5. I craved pineapple all through my first pregnancy. I must have eaten truckloads. As soon as Leah arrived, though, the passion fled. I don’t think pineapple is built for the long haul, like apples or bananas. Nope, pineapple is for a fling.

  6. I had a similar fling with blueberries.

    Pineapples are the bad boy of the fruit world – way too much effort to get into. You are heading toward the more mushy fruits. Thanks Bandobras for the reminder.

  7. Thankfully I never had a total passion for any particular fruit in my life. I don’t “need” any particular type of food to keep me happy. Maybe I’m just that way, I’ll take anything? lol

    But these days, because they’re in season now, I eat persimmons, not every day because I can’t remember to bring it to work (they’re very fragile and bruise easily). Maybe it’s because I can’t really get into anything anymore?

  8. I am so sorry the zip is gone… figuratively, anyhow. I don’t think the rapture can be had again… it’s all about quirky brain chemistry and God knows we’re all at the mercy of that. One day though, whether tomorrow or next year, you’ll wake up with a new unholy passion for something else. Until then, hang on to the sweet juicy memories of your old fling… it’ll get you through the rough spots.

  9. Alison – I was all mad for apples during gestation. Pineapple is, indeed, a fickle lover.

    Violetsky – Yes! They are complicated to get into and you can’t tell from the outside what the inside is going to be like. There are many disappointments beneath a lucious-looking shell. I’m all about the blueberries these days.

    UA – You’re such a fruit tramp!!! I don’t think I ever had a persimmon. I thought they were supposed to be very sour? Maybe I’ll give one a tumble.

    Susan – Ya, I’m not particularly looking for the pineapple rapture again — just any rapture. The excitement and yearning was great. I’ll have to just keep playing the field until the magic returns, I guess.

  10. Any fruit I eat has to be quite hard and crisp and tart. I like my bananas a little bit green. I hate peaches and apricots and blueberries. I don’t, really, like any fruit that is juicy with the exception of pineapple, but not if it’s too sweet. I’m very picky.

  11. Darn! This just made me realize how much I miss grapefruit. I can’t eat or drink grapefruit because of medicine and sometimes I find myself pining (no pun intended) for it. I even had a shampoo that made me think of grapefruit. I want some grapefruit dammit!

  12. i wonder if you’ve developed some type of allergy to it? i’ve had that experience with bananas for at least the past year. i love them but i’m just not into them.

  13. Uncouth – I guess we won’t be sharing a bowl of fruit any time soon. Those unripe bananas make my teeth feel all chalky and while I like my apples very crisp, I also like them a bit sweet – Fuji are the current fave. I want one now

    Nat – Go on…rum and pineapple? Or are you suggesting if I drink enough I won’t care what fruit I cosy up to?

    Raino – Thank you. That’s not very helpful advice, but I do appreciate the appreciation.

    Aziza – Ya canned fruit isn’t even the same fruit as the fruit that comes off the tree. I don’t know what happens to fruit in those cans…it gets all old and sad and lacklustre

    Geewits – If you’re taking a ” —statin” drug there has been some research that says if you take your drug in the evening it should be okay to have some grapefruit in the morning. My mum had the same grapefruit-loving/med interaction issue and her doctor said that would be okay. No harmful effects so far. I know you won’t just take my word for it, but it’s something to look into, no?

    DP – Ya, I must have developed allergies to much of my family, too. And several co-workers and a boyfriend or two along the way. Funny how that happens

  14. LSG – Ha ha. Yes, you should send this post to the Pineapple Growers of Malaysia and get them to sex up their fruit somehow

  15. XUP: Seriously…right? Don’t you just want to hug him right now? Yeah. Me neither. 😛 Glad to know the double entendre wasn’t just me. (Self-centered to the end, I am!) I thought this was pretty much the sexiest post I’d ever read about fruit!

  16. Cedar – Kiwis have the same wierd mouth thing and I don’t think I’ve ever had a prickly pear…but then I don’t imagine we’re talking about the same thing here, are we?

    Woodsy – Ahhh – now we’re getting somewhere. I’ll have to delve deep in to my psyche and see what’s buried there.

    Lesley – And I grew up on a fruit farm. Can you imagine?

  17. Missy – All kinds of fruit – cherries, plums, apples, peaches, pears, tons of grapes and even some apricots. No pineapple, though.