I am an Über-Mensch

pbj1Do you ever feel superhuman when you eat a peanut butter sandwich? I always do. Think about it; here you are consuming, ingesting, enjoying and deriving valuable nutrients from something that kills lesser mortals.

It’s like being being able to leap tall buildings or being bullet-proof or turning big and green when angry.

“What have you got for lunch there today?”

“Toasted rye bread with tomatoes, lettuce, sweet onions and PEANUT BUTTER!”

 “AAAARRGGGggggHHHHGGGGhhh.” The crowd scatters in all directions like Godzilla himself were after them. They huddle in corners gazing at me in awe as my sharp, glistening incisors conquer chunk after chunk of The Sandwich.  I open my mouth wide as I masticate the deceptively creamy smoothness of the peanut, to give them all a better look at my fearlessness.

“Ha Ha Ha Ha HAAAAA!” I bellow, swallowing the last morsel of their enemy. Its stench is still strong on my fingers as I waggle them in the direction of the mortals. They flinch and cower.

Tonight, I suspect they will be at my door with pitchforks and home-made torches of fire to rid me from the midst of their village.

Meanwhile, I will continue to enjoy the peanut butter. Smoothy for me. The kind made just from peanuts. None of this Jif  pseudo peanut butter bastardized with oils and sugars, salt and molasses.

I sometimes add it to sauces for a bit of a nutty/Thai flavour. I pour the sauce over rice noodles or stir-fried vegetables or sautéed tofu or all three at once.

I like it on celery. And I love West African peanut soup.

I like peanut butter spread thinly on whole grain toast for breakfast or a bit more thickly on a PLOT sandwich for lunch.

Many people think of peanut butter as a “sweet” which can only be eaten with other sweets like honey or jelly or banana. Or remember that Marshmallow Fluff stuff? In the olden days when more superhumans like me roamed the earth, kids used to bring Fluffernutter sandwiches for lunch – on Wonder Bread. What could be more nutritious than white bread and marshmallow?[1] (Click the link for more great Fluff recipes).fluff

I generally like my peanut butter with something not sweet; though the occasional PB&J can be just the thing.

There’s a heroine in some book series I read who is always eating peanut butter and pickle sandwiches. It sounds intriguing. I haven’t tried that one. I can’t remember if she uses dill or sweet & sour pickles. I’m sure there are a lot of other interesting and delicious peanut butter sandwich ideas out there…. (hint, hint)

Meanwhile, you should all be aware that I always carry a jar of peanut butter in my purse in case of emergencies. It’s much more effective (and deadly) than mace or pepper spray.

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 [1] An interesting bit of trivia is that it has been proven through scientific study that many Fluffernutter kids grow up to form coalition governments.

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The Finals: If you voted last week, I humbly thank you. You have catapulted me into the Finals in the Canadian Blog Awards. We’ve come so very far together and I need you now more than ever. So, please go vote again this week so I can be named Supreme Ruler of the New Blog Universe. This is the last and final round. CLICK HERE. Tell your friends. I figure my biggest competition is coming from Zucket. She’s young and energetic, has a lot of young, energetic fans and a very hip, savvy, swingin’, happening blog. award1

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42 responses to “I am an Über-Mensch

  1. hello fellow PB lover. I love it probably just as much as you do. I’m in love with that Sk8ter boy burger at The Works and the PB Milkshakes. Yum.

    I can’t wait to try that West African Peanut Soup. It looks so yummy. I can hear my tummy grumbling now.

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  3. I eat peanut butter in sandwiches with LUNCH MEATS. Everyone thinks I’m cray cray but it’s so delicious.

    Good luck on the blog awards!

  4. If it weren’t for peanut butter, my son, Gav, would have emaciated himself into non-existence.

    And, yes, we are a superhuman power family with our nut-eating abilities. A whole team of crime-fighters with peanut butter smeared on our fingers.

    Have you noticed that grocery stores are now marketing peanut butter-PLUS with “added nutrients”? I mean, seriously, come on. Is a daily multivitamin out of the question? I’m waiting on tampons infused with ginkgo biloba to improve my memory while on my period.

  5. I made a yam and peanut butter soup a while back. It’s definitely worth the time. (http://tinyurl.com/64t86z)

    It makes enough wonderful soup that you’ll be smug about your freezer being full of goodness. I think I’ll have some for lunch, now that we’re talking about it… with some warm naan…. mmmm.

    My favourite snack right now is crisp fall Macs, sliced and dipped in peanut butter. I cannot get enough of this lately.

  6. A&J – Good luck with the soup. It’s awesome. I think some of the African restaurants in the city have it on their menu, too. Let’s compare notes.

    Sass – Thanks and good luck to you, too. (I probably don’t really mean that, but in the spirit of good sportsmanship, I felt I had to say it) And you’re incredibly superhuman if you can eat those dangerous lunch meats, never mind the peanut butter, too. You should be cloned!!

    Lost – Thank you, go have some PB now, if you dare!

    OTC – Don’t say that ginko tampon thing out loud. You know right now there are mad scientists somewhere working on that very thing. The ideal for the future would be one product that you either eat or rub on or insert into your body that does everything – feed you all your essential nutrients, remove unwanted hair, absorb all superfluous bodily fluids, keep teeth gleaming white AND fight gingivitis. You heard it here first.

    Susan – Yam and peanut butter soup sounds perfect for a day like today. And yes! I forgot about apples and PB. Love ’em

  7. I’m just astonished that in this day and age you are permitted to have PB in the work place. Research shows that nearly 100% of the people who die in Canada have consumed PB at some point in their lives.
    The government would do well to organize a PB registry and ban the importation of this deadly menace.
    Remember people don’t kill people, PB does.

  8. I love peanut butter. My partner HATES it. This may have been a deal breaker for me but we determined she’s okay with almonds, so now I’ve switched to almond butter, which I love also… even more than Neil Diamond, but not as much as oatmeal, and certainly not as much as my partner. Logan likes a bit in his bone.

    I used to like PB and tomato sandwiches. I’ve yet to try AB and tomato sandwiches. I think I’ll do that for lunch. Thanks.

  9. I’m a fan of bastardized pseudo Kraft smooth peanut butter. Mmmmm, on a toasted bagel (non-bastardized, non-pseudo Montreal-style, of course), on rye bread (non-bastardized, non-pseudo Rideau Bakery light rye with seeds) or, occasionally, on toasted white bread with very crispy well-drained bacon.

    Must go raid my lunchbag now.

  10. Oh my goodness! I ADORE peanut butter. I love it with sea salt and vinegar chips! My favorite brand is called Krema- only peanuts, no salt or anything added! I bought a Target brand natural peanut butter this week out of desperation and it has salt added. Whoo boy, does it taste SALTY compared to my usual naked smashed peanuts.

    I do like to treat myself to Jiff here and there, but that is more like a dessert item.

    An I agree that PB is a savory item more than sweet. It tastes great with sweets!

  11. I have to try it… definitively. I see so many comments that I think I’m loosing something good!

    And yes, I’ve never tried PB! Is it salty? Or sweet? Or what?

    Any recommendations on which one to choose?

    Life has surprises… when you think you’ve read it all someone shows up asking how the PB tastes!

    have a great day

  12. ‘Toasted rye bread with tomatoes, lettuce, sweet onions and PEANUT BUTTER’ sounds AWESOME!

    I have also heard PB and Pickle is good to although I’ve not yet tried it.

    One of my all time fav comfort foods is a toasted PB and Cheddar sandwich)

    And a Toasted PB and Banana is always fine too!

    … FlufferNutters … LUV EM!

  13. in the words of Samuel L Jackson….you are one crazy mother-fucker!

    i am forced to pack soy nut sandwiches in gracie’s lunch due to the allergy epidemic. it tastes like garbage, but i guess it’s all these children know…sniff.

  14. Bandobras – Well, we’re not openly PB eaters; we’ve retreated back “into the fridge” as they say. Technically the government is not allowed to discriminate against PB lifestyles, but they do. They won’t, for instance, condone PB on PB sandwiches. It’s not normal, they say…too messy. Just as bad as Jelly on Jelly sandwiches. PB should be with Jelly and Jelly with PB.

    Skylark – Do you ever pretend to be working late and then sneak out somewhere for a quick PB and tomato sandwich? (Make sure you have a shower afterwards so you don’t come back stinking of peanut… and check your collar for smudges)

    Alison – Mmmm PB and bacon (or pseudo-bastardized-veggie bacon in my case… or even a PB-BLT!! whooo-heee) I wish it were tomato season.

    Missy – Do you put the chips ON the sandwich or just have them on the side? I don’t think Jif is actually peanut butter is it? I had molasses in it, for pete’s sake.

  15. Guillermo – Holy jumpin’! You’ve NEVER had peanut butter? Go get some now. Kraft brand is good, but make sure you get the one with just peanuts and/or the organic Kraft brand. It tastes like peanuts — you’ve had peanuts before, right? Or some other nut? Nuts are usually a little bit sweet, but mostly nutty. You can eat peanut butter with anything. Let me know what you think. You’ll have to do a blog about your first peanut butter experience. I hope you’re not allergic though — that can be very dangerous.

    Kitty – Somehow I knew you’d be a fluffernutter type of guy. And since reading Alison’s comment, I think I’m going to expand on the PLOT sandwich and add bacon (veggie) for a PB BLT!!

    Meanie – Oh your poor deprived children. I hope they get to indulge in the PB when they’re at home, in secret, on special occasions, in the dark, quietly and under strict orders never to speak of it. It’s okay you don’t have to tell me.

  16. Na-na-na-Na-na… Kitty is a fluffer-nutter, Kitty is a fluffer-nutter…

    I, too, indulge daily in the “nothin’ but peanuts” variety on my morning toast, usually with raspberry jam. It must be kept refrigerated, however, or it gets very oily. Since I started using it a few years back, I don’t like the bastardized stuff — too sweet!

    My Grandpa McIntyre fed me peanut butter and tomato sandwiches when I was a wee lad. And like anything he made, it was plastered with pepper. His fried eggs were black with the stuff.

    I grew up on PB — usually Kraft smooth, but York, too, mostly for the octagonal hockey cards that my brother and I collected. Dave Keon, Johnny Bower, Terry Sawchuk, Frank Mahovlich, Tim Horton (yes, there really was a real person named Tim Horton, after which the iconic coffee and fried dough stores are named)…

    Here’s to peanut butter, in any form, recipe or guilty pleasure, such as Reese’s peanut butter cups. Mmmmmmmmmmm…

  17. I was also intrigued by Kinsey Millhone’s PB and Pickle sandwiches in the Sue Grafton novels. I have had them, made with dill pickles, made with bread and butter pickles, even with hot peppers. mmmm It’s not something I would choose every day for lunch, but fairly often. It’s the main reason I keep pickles in my fridge. Just ate a vegan peanut butter chocolate crispy square at Umi, and it’s very yum. (They replace the marshmallow with agave syrup and something else).

  18. Mmm FlufferNutters! Stereotype me if you will, it just proves a point. That there’s facts in them.

    and OMG I totally forgot PB and Bacon. It’s sooo “Elvis Cuisine” YUM

  19. Mmmm peanut butter! I’m like you, I eat the real kind. And Peanut sauce is one mankinds best inventions. Delicious on fries (them dutch, they know what they’re doing!)

  20. Cedar – Sweet onions… but you may be right.

    Bob – Interesting about the PB and tomato sandwiches. I thought I’d invented them. Silly me. Are you sure there’s actual PB in Reese’s? You can make your own, you know. Buy those dark chocolate tart shells and fill them with your favourite PB. It’s sooooooo much better.

    Jen – I like those carob PB squares with rice crisps in them, too – less crisp, more PB & carob. Hot peppers & PB sounds awesome and thanks for reminding me where I read the PB & pickles thing. I’m really going to have to try it. I think I’ll start with the bread & butter pickles… maybe…

    Kitty – I think Elvis threw some bananas on there, too and then fried the whole mess in the skillet. And don’t listen to Bob, he’s just jealous that he never got Fluffernutter when he was a kid — only tablespoonsful of black pepper. Poor Bob.

    Maven – You did? Smiting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be actually. Sometimes it’s nice to cuddle stuff, but with and Ubermensch reputation and killer PB & onion breath, it just isn’t happening.

    Jazz – Peanut sauce on fries?? Hmmmm. The Dutch no doubt stole that from the Indonesians, along with the sublime Nasi Goring and enslaving them. Fries, eh? Potatos and peanuts. This is going to require some thought and experimentation. Thanks

  21. I have been living on PB again: soup (I also love West African Peanut Soup), on bread with honey (blueberry) or also with bananas (until they went up to 79 cents/lb), and with Nutella. Sublime. Also with tuna or chicken salad or bacon and tomato. PB in potato salad is also a fav.

    Gotta go, am getting hungry again.

  22. Violetsky – Nutella? You’re mixing nuts. Isn’t that dangerous?

    Becky – Don’t listen to her Guillermo. Peter Pan and Jif are NOT real peanut butter. Read the labels. Make sure you get peanut butter that contains ONLY peanuts. But thanks for your advice, Becky.

  23. I have always loved me peanut butter but I have to admit I have never looked to including it with veggies, except celery, and there are so many other mixes here my head is starting to bleed.
    I guess I’m just unimaginative but I still like it like god intended, on bread. For special occasions with some sort of jam or honey.
    On another note please be kind to Bob. Those names confirm that like many of us he grew up a Maple Leaf fan. We are to be pitied not blamed, its just the way we are not a choice at all.

  24. Oh big deal – roasted peanuts, sugar,salt and a couple of oils. Funny thing, under that it says “Contains peanuts”. Is this a mandatory statement for those who are allergic?

    Guillermo, Peter Pan peanut butter really is good, but only the creamy. I don’t like lumps in pudding, potatoes, or peanut butter.

  25. Thanks, Bandobras. I did grow up in the 1960s and 70s in Northeastern Ontario, where all you saw on Hockey Night in Canada was Leafs games, with the occasional Canadiens game thrown in to the mix.
    The town of 6,000 I grew up in was bilingual, although the majority of the population was probably French Canadian, so you were either a Leafs fan or a Canadiens fan.
    But I have since seen the light. GO, SENS, GO!

    Did I ever tell you that my Aunt Aileen went to high school with Tim Horton?

  26. As much as I would love to feel like a superwoman once in my life, I must confess that I hate peanut butter.

    Not because I’m allergic, or fear that I could be allergic, or rather not try to be allergic or…

    Nope.

    I’m just French.

    I eat Nutella instead.

    I humbly apologize for refusing this North American treat. I do eat maple syrup though, so citizenship and immigration should grant me a Canadian passport anyway.

  27. Mmmm. Peanut Butter. The Jif, bastardized kind. A PB & J is quite a common breakfast for me. If only I’d known sooner how super human I was being! It is pretty much the only kind of PB sandwich I have, though I do have to say Missy’s idea of peanut butter and sea salt chips is making my mouth water. I’m going to try that out asap! I’m all for anything that gives me a potential salt overload. SLURRRRRP. And like Susan, I LOVE apples dipped in peanut butter. Holy miracle of God.

    Seriously though: Look at how much passion PB inspires in people. Who knew?

  28. Violetsky – Okay, I know. Hazelnuts and peanuts and chocolate — how could you go wrong?

    Bandobras – Branch out a little. You can’t use that Maple Leafs excuse forever.

    Becky – Ha ha. And you’re right. What’s up with chunky peanut butter anyway?

    Bob – Aunt Eileen and Tim Horton? Wow.

    Zhu – Eating nuts of any kind and not dying makes you a superior human. Not everyone likes peanut butter and that’s okay. We welcome you into our inner circle of superhumans anyway.

    Missy – How crunchalicious!

    Lesley – I knew. Because I’m an ubermensch and also have psychic mind-reading powers. You really should try PB with tomatoes or other veggies — but not Jif, because it’s icky sweet and would be awful.

  29. I LURVE peanut butter. Like you, I use it in all kind of things and I’m eternally grateful my daughters inherited my superhuman genes and can eat it too. Otherwise, I may have sold their whimpy, allergen-laden bodies to the gypsies. 😉

  30. OK… I’ll give PB a shot in my next visit to the grocery store… I’ll let you know but don’t be optimistic!

    Thanks for all the replies! What a great community you have around this blog XUP!

  31. Kimberly – I don’t think gypsies have any use for wimpy allergen-laden humans; you may have had to give them away for free to the circus.

    Guillermo – Kraft All Natural — remember. Or PC has a Just Peanuts brand, too. Whatever you get make sure it has only peanuts in the ingredients. I can’t wait to hear your verdict. And I hope no one in your family has any nut allergies, because then I would feel just awful

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  33. yep, i’ll agree that is indeed a strange sandmich but peanut butter *does* make me feel super human. it’s good stuff. i’ve often been at the helm of that being looked upon as a circus freak, it’s the curse of aquarians i think.

    i love how healthy you eat, i’ve dipped into that now and again.

  34. Dp – I know eh? Look at us smearing ourselves inside and out with deadly peanut butter. It does nothing but make our taste buds tingle while all the poor weak allergics run in terror. Mwah-ha-ha-ha

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