10 Reasons Why It’s Good to Get Old

A lot of people I know are old or are getting old. I don’t know what it is. They’re having birthdays that are taking them well beyond middle age and on into whatever comes next. Some of them are okay about it, but some panic.

I, of course, have no experience whatsoever of getting old myself. Don’t let the grey hair fool you, I’m really still a spring chicken. I probably won’t be getting old any time soon, either.

However, I can see some real benefits to old age:

1.  You get cheap stuff. Everything has senior’s discounts and if it doesn’t, you get to raise holy age-discrimination-hell until you do get a discount.

2.  It’s easy to be cool. As long as you do, say or wear something that isn’t associated with old people, you’ll be considered cool by the young folk.

3. People do stuff for you – open doors, carry things, shovel your snow, bring you food via automobile (there really should be a pithier name for that).

4. You’ve already done all the hard stuff in life (puberty, career, kids, mortgages mating) and can just do fun stuff from now on.

5. You can say whatever you want to anyone anytime and get away with it. The more outrageous the better. People will just think you’re spunky.

6. You can stop worrying about your weight. At the rate you’re shrinking you’ll need to eat three times your body weight every day just to maintain the status quo.

7. You can stop worrying about your looks. At some point you realize the battle is well and truly lost, so you can stop fretting about thinning hair and sagging skin and age spots and wrinkles. And the most amazing thing is you start to find these things attractive in other people.

8. You remember when all weddings were gay and can’t understand why people want to put an end to that. Maybe if people had a little more gaiety in their weddings and marriages there wouldn’t be so much gol-danged divorce. In fact, everybody should be a little more gay and stop fretting about money and things they don’t have and about the world going to hell in a handcart and about other people’s business, for starters.

9. You have a million memories and stories to share and bore the socks off anyone who’ll sit still to listen. And they have to listen to you because you’re old and it would impolite not to.

10. You’re still alive and compared to the zillions of other people in the who are dead – some much, much younger than you — that makes you a winner in the lottery of life.

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28 responses to “10 Reasons Why It’s Good to Get Old

  1. I’ll have you remind me of this on a daily basis after I get out of bed and straighten out all my knots, warm my creaky joints after a hot shower, dye the gray out and cream my wrinkles.

  2. I hope I’m a cool old person. I should be unless being a cool young person is a pre-requisite. If it is, I just hope I don’t drool on myself. Very often.

  3. Well let me tell you what a friend of mine said to me just at the end of the war. We were ….

    Damn whippersnappers always charging past on the sidewalks and escalators.

  4. “everybody should be a little more gay” — I assume you mean that in the original meaning of the term “gay.” (What does Gay New York Mean to You)

    While I know I’m getting old, I’m going to fight it all the way.

    And the only way that I’m going to shrink is to work at it. It’s still too easy to gain weight and I feel better when I weigh less.

    I’m not quite old enough to get senior discounts — which, of course, I don’t turn down when someone mistakes me for older than I am.

    Of course the great thing about retiring early is that when I go to the biweekly retirees breakfast in town, I’m just a youngster compared to most of the others.

  5. I know this will be a surprising comment you rarely hear from me, but this post cracks me up! HEEHEE! I am not yet anywhere near to making my peace with getting older, so I will read and re-read this in an attempt get a little more happy about it.

    Also? I like that this is categorized under “GOL-DANG” and request more “GOL-DANG” related posts whenever possible.

  6. I don’t know what men get out of aging, except that most of them look better, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE not having a period! As for #9, I’d like to believe I am entertaining with my stories. Keep them short and goofy. Today I said to a young bartender girl, “I’ve found there is a direct correlation between how far away a car needs to be for me to pull out on a busy highway and how badly I need to pee.” She laughed, but maybe she was just being polite.

  7. Guillermo – Exactly. You need to keep seeing that full half of the cup. It’s what keeps you going long after everyone else has given up.

    Mo – Yes, you poor thing. I, of course wasn’t talking about someone of your advanced years. By your age I know life is just difficult from morning till night — you must be, what? 35ish now??

    Debra – You have electronic devices and know how to operate a computer for starters – I think that qualifies you as a cool old person in a young whippersnapper’s eyes.

    Bandobras – That’s right, throw my own words back in my face..

    Mike – “everybody should be a little more gay” — I assume you mean that in the original meaning of the term “gay.” Do I? Ha ha. Yes, it’s fun to attend events where you’re the youngest person there. It doesn’t happen very often, but it sure is freaky when it does

    Bob – Sure, Bob. Remind me to sit far away from you if we’re ever in the same room.

    Dr. Monkey – Oh yes, that Jessica. Isn’t she clever? And I do wish her and Sherrif whatshisname would get together. Stubborn old goats.

    Lesley – I think you’re my one and only tag fan. Now I have to work extra hard to make them worth reading. And I think you’ll find as I rapidly age, there will be many more gol-dang posts.

    Geewits – Well, they don’t call you Geewits for nothing!! You can’t go wrong with a good pee anecdote, I always say. Ask Cedarflame — she’s kind of the unofficial queen of pee anecdotes

  8. Oh geez I still haven’t checked off anything in #4 yet.. is this what I have to look forward too… yikes! 😉

  9. aandjblog, you haven’t even finished puberty yet??

    I like #4 best. The older I get, the more time I have, and the more time I have, the more fun I have.

  10. Kitty comments…

    -I can’t get any gayer than I already am or I’ll end up circling back to straight.

    – When I’m old I’m gonna take my time walking EVERYWHERE and always in the middle of the sidewalk. When on the Escalator I will stand in the middle of the step and stop. hehehe

    – When people do not get up and offer me a seat I’ll hit them with my cane. I watched both my grandmothers wield their walking canes with more skill than a Marching Band leader or ‘professional’ baton twirler, and I’m just itching to used this skill (in the mean time I use my umbrella on those that piss me off. Practice makes perfect.)

    And all of this reminds me of the “Three Golden Rules of being a Senior” by my good friend Paddy, who will be turning 60, this coming St Pats day (I’ll be 40 the week before him and he’s the benchmark I use to gauge my aging process)
    — Never pass a washroom when you’re out. If you see it, take advantage of it.
    — Never dismiss an erection. If you have one, take advantage of it. (applies to the ladies as well)
    — Never trust a fart.
    …and you know I think these are rules we should all follow regardless of age.

  11. See from reading the comments there is obviously 1 more benefit to getting old. You develop a sense of humour and a perspective on what is important and what aint.

  12. THIS is why seniors shouldn’t get discounts at movie theaters and McDonalds.

    They already have enough perks!

    (Why should my coffee cost slightly more, so an older person can pay slightly less?) 😉

  13. Grey hair… check
    Progressive lenses….check
    Aches and pains for no reason… check

    No polyester elastic waist pants and sweatshirts with cute puppies on them… check.

    Who knew I’d eventually be cool simply by virtue of being over the hill.

  14. As you know I’ve recently turned 50. Whereas I’m still feeling the same way I felt before I became 50, which is like a teenager really, I couldn’t help but have a small “moment” where I sat down and said to myself “self… you’re 50… 50, can you imagine? you’re 50!” then I finished lacing up my running shoes and went out for a 10k run!

    I’m not fighting getting older, not really. I take good care of myself and plan on doing it for as long as I can. All I want really is to make sure that I have enough money to pay someone to wipe my ass when I can’t do it on my own 🙂

  15. A&J – No yikes! It’s way more fun than being young, trust me.

    Zoom – I know, eh? When you’re not fretting about all that young people stuff you can really have a good time.

    Nat – Weeellll, it can be. The hunting for the right mate, part sucks and the working out the differences part sucks, and all the ups and downs suck, but once you’ve settled in and resigned yourself to being with that person until one of you dies, then it gets easier.

    Kitty – Very wise. All of it.

    Bandobras – Exactly. And don’t say that like you aren’t totally in the zone already.

    Friar – Because you need to get some reward for putting up with 60 odd years of life. And because your income is reduced when you’re old and because seniors (especially the upcoming Boomer seniors) is where it’s at in the retail industry. We outnumber every other demographic and everyone is going to want our money. Thanks for visiting the blog and for commenting!

    Jazz – Isn’t it great? It doesn’t take much once you’ve hit a certain point. I’ve seen my daughter be awed by an old lady who looks like an old lady and dresses like an old lady but is texting someone on a cell phone. It instantly made her cool.

    UP- You don’t say? Ha ha ha ha ha

    UA – Ya, the ass-wiping thing is a big problem. I’m kind of hoping I’ll find a way to check-out before it comes to that. We’re so much kinder to our animals than we are to our humans sometimes. Really, when life ceases to be interesting or fun and start to be a miserable chore, why not just end it? If I ever get to the point where I can’t form a coherent sentence or do anything for myself or remember anything…what’s the point?? But that’s a whole other blog post…

    Mo – Yes. Thank you. I cherish your young love.

    GBU2 – My work here is done!

  16. The technician for my mammogram this morning told me that the 90-year-old breast is the perfect breast for imaging: all the dense tissue has turned to fatty tissue and “it’s like looking up at the sky and seeing the stars.” Which I don’t know has what to do with anything, but there you have it.

  17. Me, I’m looking forward to not being in such a rush to get anywhere that I can do 20km/h BELOW the speed limit in the centre lane and not be bothered.

  18. Ellie – Well it’s nice to know that we’re mostly wasting our time having our young muscular breasts squished and mammogrammed.

    Violetsky – Don’t forget to move your seat waaaay forward and slump down so only the very top of your head shows from outside the car.

    Kitty – That would be kind of cool, actually