You’ve Got No Male!

 worldCBC aired a documentary the other night called The Disappearing Male[1].  It talked about the alarming decline in the birth and survival rates of baby boys in the US, Canada and Japan. Arctic countries have long since noted this phenomenon. There’s a village in Greenland that has only girl children. The problem in most instances is chemicals in the food and environment that are damaging male fetuses.

However, further studies have proven that stressful times also make for a lower rate of male babies being born – wars, famines, economic hardship.

So, I’m thinking we’d better prepare ourselves for the extinction of the male species. And by “we” I mean women. (And, hey, aren’t we a damn hearty bunch to survive and thrive on all this shit that’s killing off the males?).

Now, I like men, as a species, as much as the next gal, but I’m also a realist, so I hope  non-females won’t take offense to any of this.

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Okay, obviously our first concern is going to be to keep the propagation of the human race. (And by “our” I mean women’s). Luckily, it’s entirely possible for women to reproduce without men. Science has found a way to convert female bone marrow into sperm.

Even without the intervention of science, parthenogenesis, or asexual reproduction, has always been a possibility. Many species in the absence of males can develop eggs into maturity without fertilization. It’s entirely possible for human females as well.

Anyway, enough science. What else do we need to do?

Well, there’s love and sex. For those of you who have never looked at other women in this light you might want to start introducing it into your psyche. For the rest of us, the transition shouldn’t be too difficult.

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This would also be a good time for more women to start thinking about careers in things like construction, mechanics, fire-fighting, garbage-take-outery, and jar-openry.

We can get rid of shrinks, valium, and all those gurus that claim to help us poor women cope with the nasty world. One of our biggest stressors will no longer exist.

The world overall will be a kinder gentler place based on statistics: there would be less war, the prison population would drop 97%, road deaths would fall 70% and rednecks would drop 88%.

All sorts of companies would go out of business, so you might need to retrain if you work at any of them (e.g.: Hooters, barber shops, SUV plants, hunting lodges, diet centers, lawyers, SPAM email senders, bikini waxers, burkhas makers, birth control centers — you get the idea)

Golf course, football fields, hockey arenas and sports bars can be converted into useful things like gardens, shoe shops, spas and wine bars.

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Anyway, this is just a heads-up; a preliminary discussion. I’m sure there’s going to be lots of other stuff to work out and get used to along the way. After all, men have been around for quite a while and they can be useful and charming and kind and funny and a few of them even look really good. We’ll probably miss all that for a while.she-blogger1

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[1] This program will be repeated tonight
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24 responses to “You’ve Got No Male!

  1. I think I could live in a world without men. It would be difficult at first but I think I could live without bloody action movies and “pull my finger”. However, that bit of time when there are still just a few men left…that will be hell, my friend. There will be cat fights of epic proportions, I’m sure. All those women who date the rednecks and convicted felons…those women can be nasty. They will be picking over the bones of those last few men until there is nothing left but their gold neck chains and brass belt buckles.

  2. 1/ Well God is going to strike you dead. The only true love is that between a man and the woman/women, he owns. Well that and mother love, but even that only counts inside a formalized state and church sanctioned marriage. So without men there would in fact be no love in the world.
    2/ Most of the things you say will be gone, wars, drunk driving, hunting etc are mere ruses men act on to keep the supply of men limited. That way we can pick and choose which women we want to own. This decrease in male births is probably just God’s way of keeping the ratio correct since we don’t kill as many men off as we used to.
    It is truly a wonder to see how well He has ordered His universe to ensure that men will always have a good time.
    I think I have to go and pray for your soul now but first I have to check and see if women actually have a soul.
    By the way, you’re welcome for the rib.

  3. That last book looks really good! Then again, I’m not sure if I should judge it by its cover. 😉

    And, I have to tell you…the first time I read your post was in GoogleReader where the little 8 you’d used in the date in the footnote had snuggled up against the ) at the end of your note and made a cute little smiley-guy with sunglasses.

    That was humorously distracting, but you’ve changed it, I see. 8)

    And, I know I’m an exception, but I am an expert in jar-openry!! It’s not always about brute strength…it’s purely physics. Should there ever be a need, I’d be happy to publish instructions. 🙂

  4. Wow a world without men, let me take a moment to get use to that….okay I’m good.

    Can we keep Hooters? I really think there could still be a place for Hooters in the world and sports, SUV’s too, but if I have to choice only one, can we keep Hooters?

  5. There’s a surplus of males being born in Asia so this would be a perfect time for a bunch of you ladies to get some “yellow fever.”

  6. Thanks for bringing that doc to my attention – strangely, I was wondering about this (the effect of the chemicals/hormones we’re ingesting on male births – yeah I think about odd things, obviously) just the other day.
    … and not just because I’m a single gal and there don’t seem to be so many single guys around ;P

  7. When I end up being the last guy on earth, would you ladies mind wearing Wonder Woman costumes when you break down my door to enslave me? Thanks in advance.

  8. Debra – 51% of women over 30 live without men in their lives. I hope when push comes to shove women won’t demean themselves like that to fight over the last piece of trailer trash.

    Bandobras – Hey, I didn’t make this shit up, for once. I’m just doing my bit to help humanity survive.

    CP – Ya I didn’t get that 8 bracket thing until after. And you should totally try to get hold of some of these books. I’ve read some in this genre and they’re usually very passionate, but very, very sad because most of the time someone ends up commiting suicide or something. It wasn’t until Patricia Highsmith’s (writing as Claire Morga) novel Price of Salt that there was a novel of this genre with a happy ending. She had always been one of my favourite authors even before I knew that. I saw her read in Toronto shortly before her death. It was a small room like a living room and there were only about half a dozen people there. I’ll never forget it. (Sorry…tangent)

    Cedar – I think we could come up with something even better than Hooters, dontcha think? And really, would we need Hooters when the whole world would be Hooters? And of course there would still be sports, but maybe not ones that involve a lot of padding, helmetry and other defensive equipment.

    Dr. Monkey – As long as they keep eating fish, we’ll kill off the Asian males, too eventually. Lots of PCBs in fish.

    Tania – There you go. This is an all around infotainment blog.

    Brad – I don’t know about the rest of the gals, but I’ll be dressed as Xena — a gracefully aged Xena, but still… the leather bustier will be flattering, I think

  9. I have a vacuum and a strap wrench*, I don’t need no steenkeen’ men.

    But I would like a Xena leather bustier.

    (*vacuum for disposing of spiders and a strap wrench for loosening or tightening stuff like pool pump covers, chlorinator couplings, pickle jars, etc.)

  10. Sounds a little too much like wishful thinking on your part to be funny. Sorry to disappoint, but men will be around for quite a while yet.

  11. Science has found a way to convert female bone marrow into sperm? Will wonders never cease.

    I dunno, I don’t think I could get used to a world without men. I kinda like them…

  12. Being a 40 plus guy – let me assure you that there are many men are not as fond of women as we should be (Not because we are gay either) – and if we were to ever be able to replicate “sans a vagina” we would more then happy to be done with women as well.

  13. Alison – Good thinking on the handy tools. And you can wear whatever you want; whenever you want.

    JB: Why on earth would you assume that I want to see a world without men? I’m appalled that we’ve messed up our world to such an extent that it’s so seriously affecting something so fundamental as procreation. And still we’re blithly going about – business as usual. I wanted people to think about that without smacking them over the head with it. And it was meant to be not entirely funny, but not because I’m rooting for the extinction of the male, but because people should be more than a little worried. The guy who originally brought this research to public attention was inundated with hate mail from men. I guess people would rather believe there’s some sort of anti-male conspiracy than to believe that humans are self-destructing. I don’t like or dislike men any more or less than I like or dislike women. They are all people — some are good people to know, some are not.

    Jo – Yes, science is amazing. I’m not sure exactly why they felt it was necessary to be able to do this, though… And I agree, about not wanting a world without males — but isn’t it kind of scary that less and less of them are being born?

    Lebowski – Yes, that’s been pretty clear for a long time and I’m very sorry you feel that way because I’m pretty sure that wasn’t always the case. However, nowhere in this blog post, or anywhere else did I ever say I would be happy to see the extinction of men. I think this documentary and supporting research is appalling — the fact that we’ve dumped so much crap into our eco-system that it’s causing us to self-destruct.

  14. It’s birth control pills, pissed into the water supply. It’s Planned Parenthood. The hormones in the water is changing males fish into female fish in many waterways, and the elimination of males is a done deal, not a projection, and certainly not a fantasy. And females do not come out unaffected. The same saturation of the environment with female steroids is associated with various cancers, including the enormous increase in breast cancer. If you are concerned about it, google Natural Family Planning and use that green birth control method.

  15. Yuck. One of my favorite hobbies is talking to strangers in bars. And by strangers, I mean guys. Most women talk about really boring stuff like chocolate, shopping, manicures and ice cream, things I have no interest in at all. If bars became like “Sex and the City” scenes, I’d stop going altogether. And I’d REALLY miss college basketball. I sure hope the world stressors lessen. Well, I already hoped that, but now more than ever.

  16. Richard – Here I am, indeed.

    White Lily – Thanks for visiting and you’re absolutely correct. I’ve linked various articles throughout the blogpost that go into more detail on the reasons behind this decline in the birth and survival of male babies. Birth control horomones are just one of the toxic elements contributing to this problem. And – no worries. I’ve been using non-chemical birth control for decades.

    Helen – Well, not just rednecks — lots of regular nice guys, too.

    Geewits – None of the women I hang around with are anything like Sex and the City. If all the women you know ARE, then I don’t blame you for not wanting to spend an evening chatting with them. I know some very interesting women as well as some interesting men. Really, I wouldn’t like to see either sex eliminated.

  17. Jobthingy – Excellent

    Loth – Another one. We’re going to be fine with jars — doesn’t anyone want to take out the garbage??