CBC aired a documentary the other night called The Disappearing Male. It talked about the alarming decline in the birth and survival rates of baby boys in the US, Canada and Japan. Arctic countries have long since noted this phenomenon. There’s a village in Greenland that has only girl children. The problem in most instances is chemicals in the food and environment that are damaging male fetuses.
However, further studies have proven that stressful times also make for a lower rate of male babies being born – wars, famines, economic hardship.
So, I’m thinking we’d better prepare ourselves for the extinction of the male species. And by “we” I mean women. (And, hey, aren’t we a damn hearty bunch to survive and thrive on all this shit that’s killing off the males?).
Now, I like men, as a species, as much as the next gal, but I’m also a realist, so I hope non-females won’t take offense to any of this.
Okay, obviously our first concern is going to be to keep the propagation of the human race. (And by “our” I mean women’s). Luckily, it’s entirely possible for women to reproduce without men. Science has found a way to convert female bone marrow into sperm.
Even without the intervention of science, parthenogenesis, or asexual reproduction, has always been a possibility. Many species in the absence of males can develop eggs into maturity without fertilization. It’s entirely possible for human females as well.
Anyway, enough science. What else do we need to do?
Well, there’s love and sex. For those of you who have never looked at other women in this light you might want to start introducing it into your psyche. For the rest of us, the transition shouldn’t be too difficult.
This would also be a good time for more women to start thinking about careers in things like construction, mechanics, fire-fighting, garbage-take-outery, and jar-openry.
We can get rid of shrinks, valium, and all those gurus that claim to help us poor women cope with the nasty world. One of our biggest stressors will no longer exist.
The world overall will be a kinder gentler place based on statistics: there would be less war, the prison population would drop 97%, road deaths would fall 70% and rednecks would drop 88%.
All sorts of companies would go out of business, so you might need to retrain if you work at any of them (e.g.: Hooters, barber shops, SUV plants, hunting lodges, diet centers, lawyers, SPAM email senders, bikini waxers, burkhas makers, birth control centers — you get the idea)
Golf course, football fields, hockey arenas and sports bars can be converted into useful things like gardens, shoe shops, spas and wine bars.
Anyway, this is just a heads-up; a preliminary discussion. I’m sure there’s going to be lots of other stuff to work out and get used to along the way. After all, men have been around for quite a while and they can be useful and charming and kind and funny and a few of them even look really good. We’ll probably miss all that for a while.
 This program will be repeated tonight