Eat This

I’m impossibly unfashionable when it comes to breakfast. I’m up very early and I make myself a good breakfast. I sit down at the table and have eggs or oatmeal or toast with almond butter or a wholesome cereal or a bagel and cheese or kippers or even sometimes something left over from supper that looks particularly appealing. Then I have some nice green tea and read the paper.

Pretty much everybody else shows up at work without having had any breakfast at all and then they go get a muffin or something around 10:00 because they’re starving. Teenagers, apparently don’t eat breakfast either. It’s not cool. Mine does. She’s not allowed to leave the house without a good breakfast.

Breakfast is important. It’s so important that the world of food producers is going to ridiculous lengths to encourage people to eat something – anything when they get up in the morning.

Things like Pop Tarts, toaster waffles and McMuffins aren’t making the grade anymore. Now we’ve got amazingly ridiculous things like Bagel-fuls.


They look like Twinkies, but they’re really bagels in the shape of Twinkies, filled not with a delicious sweet mystery substance, but with Philadelphia cream-cheese! You can zap them in the microwave or toaster or, they claim you can just “enjoy them right out of the refrigerator”. They come in 5 scrumptious flavours:  Original, Cinnamon, Whole Grain, Strawberry or Chive.

Pillsbury, of course has created an even more instant breakfast in the form of Toaster Scrambles.


They look like Pop Tarts, but instead of a thin film of fruit-coloured substance, they’re filled with “real” scrambled eggs, “cheese sauce” and bacon, ham or sausage. There doesn’t appear to be any icing – which really, was the best part of Pop Tarts.

And if none of these are ridiculous enough for you, how about some Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick? (aka Flapsticks).


These look like corn dogs/pogos, but instead of a yummy cornbread-wrapped hot dog product, you allegedly get a sausage product wrapped in a pancake-like product. They also come in a variety of delicious flavours: Original, Blueberry and New Chocolate Chip.

Have any of you ever eaten any of these or any similarly ridiculous breakfast food things? Does anyone eat real breakfast anymore besides me? Have you got any good breakfast suggestions for those among us who may be breakfast impaired or whose kids refuse to eat in the mornings?

Here’s one: Get a whole grain wrap, spread some peanut butter or other nut butter on it, put a whole banana in the middle and roll it up. It’s tasty, nutritious and sticks together nicely so you can eat it on the go if you must.


37 responses to “Eat This

  1. Since it is now after thanksgiving and therefore officially winter here in the great white north I make a bowl of actual, made in he pot, porridge. AKA oatmeal. Made the way it’s supposed to be. No sugar and thick enough to stand the spoon up in.
    As for all the new wonder/expensive food like substances they all fail the stand a spoon up in it test and are therefore unfit to get a Canadian through the long cold winter.
    Of course today was nearly 20 and as I was cycling along the lake shore there was someone out windsurfing, but it’s winter nonetheirrigardless.

  2. My daughter and I are real breakfast kinda people, and my hubby eats those “breakfast bars” when he gets to work.

    I like my cereal dry (no milk), and it drives my inlaws crazy when they stay with us. I was forced to drink the milk from the bowl when I was younger, and I always thought that tasted NASTY, so I’d have my milk in a glass and my cereal dry, thankyouverymuch.

    Claire (almost 3!) gets on a food kick and right now, her favorite is grape-nuts with milk and…wait for it…syrup. Yes, syrup. She loves it, and there are worse things she could eat, I suppose. 🙂

    I love a simple omelette: 1 egg mixed with a little water (no milk) to fluff it, and then some ham and/or cheese. It’s filling and not many points (Weight Watchers).

    Sorry for the long comment. The short answer? No, I’ve never eaten those processed goodies in your post. 😉

  3. No, I haven’t eaten any of those silly breakfast things. I don’t often buy convenience foods. I prefer having all sorts of ingredients in the pantry and making whatever I feel like that day.

    I am a big lover of breakfast and I think it is my favorite part of the day. It’s definitely the least stressful! I favor oatmeal or bran cereal with some sort of fruit, or toast with peanut butter or scrambled eggs.

  4. Ewww! Those breakfast pogos look disgusting. I seem to recall Jon Stewart had a running gag poking fun at them a while back on the Daily Show and the entire audience would say “Ewwww!” whenever they were mentioned.

    I’m all for real breakfasts. Eggs and toast, cereal and milk, yogurt with fruit and granola. On weekends we sometimes make pancakes from scratch and we have it waith real maple syrup.

    Every now and then the kids have Eggo waffles for brekkie, but I don’t consider them to be too far from a normal breatfast. Mostly my kids are cereal fiends. They don’t seem to get tired of having Corn Flakes, Cheereos or Oh, and Shreddies.

    I love tortilla wraps with PB and banana, too. Sometimes if we don’t have bananas in the house, I throw some raisins in there instead. I like PB & raisins together.

  5. i’m one of those people that do make a point of eating something for breakfast, either at home before i leave or at my desk once i get into the office. sometimes though i find it isn’t until 9:30, but i do eat.

    lately a normal monday – friday breakfast for me consists of a bowl of plain yogurt, couple spoon fulls of bran or cranola and either fresh or frozen berries. i also always have a coffee for the drive in and usually one more once i get in and that’s it for the day – no more coffee.

    i can honestly say that i have never once eaten a pop tart. its just something that we never had growing up. my kids have eaten them at friends homes though but i do not buy them.

    my girls eat plain old cereal cheerios, little milk, little sugar.

    i had no idea any of these things existed like the twinkie shaped bagels. man o man.

    sometimes my girls simply don’t want to eat in the mornings so they will make smoothies, loads of fresh fruit, plain yogurt and a dash of honey, milk and ice.

  6. Those samples could put me off eating food forever if that were the only option. I grew up with a “you’re not leaving the house without something to eat, even if it’s half a piece of toast”. Because I work strange hours, I have juice or chocolate milk then coffee at work, then when I get home (3 hours later) I am starving for toast or leftovers – cold pizza is great. I’m into scrambled eggs at the moment. Sundays are porridge (Bandobras style) and Corrie St. I want someone to make me waffles or pancakes, but no one does unless it’s in a restaurant and that would mean getting out of my pyjamas and everyone knows breakfast tastes better in pyjamas.

    You eat kippers?

  7. I’m a dyed-in-the-wool breakfaster. One of my favourite blogs is : beautiful daily photos of the author’s breakfast.

  8. All of that sounds gross to me. I do not like most traditional breakfast foods. I do eat within an hour or two of waking up but I sleep until noon (6 days a week), so my breakfast is lunch. So I eat anything for “breakfast”: catfish, shrimp, barbecue, Mexican food. As for a suggestion for your daughter, how about quiche?

  9. I like porridge (cos I’m Scottish) but not made the Scottish way. Those breakfast products are scary. I am, once again, glad we are a few years behind North America in such things. It’s only a matter of time though….

  10. Bandobras – Do you buy authentic Scottish oats? Or just Quaker? I’m amazed at how many different ways you can mangle oats and yet it all still comes out oatmeal eventually.

    CP -I never like that leftover cereal milk either. In fact, I never liked milk, period. Nowadays I use almond milk for my cereal. It’s ever so good. Also, I should say if the milk isn’t instantly soaking into your cereal, then it’s too processed anyway. Good, whole grain cereal will suck up milk right way and leave a nice soggy mess in your bowl before your first spoonful.

    Debra – I’ve never been able to eat fruit for breakfast or even juice. I’ll have a banana once I get to work, but I need something not sweet first thing.

    Mary Lynn – I’m fond of raisins, too — but not with PB and/or bananas — too sweet. I usually make pancakes or waffles for the kid on weekends, too.

    Raino – Rule is, if you don’t eat it within an hour of waking up, it’s not breakfast anymore. I didn’t make that rule — the universe did. I’ve tried smoothies for breakfast, but they’re so damn cold and I never feel right again the rest of the day.

    Violetsky – Breakfast is definitely better in pajamas. You could make the pancakes and waffles ahead of time and then just pop them in your toaster oven in the morning?? They’re still good. And yes, kippers. Love the kippers with some good rye toast. I wanted to have that this morning, but I have a dentist appointment and I didn’t think that would be nice.

    Stella – Thanks. There’s a breakfast blogger in Ottawa, too (in my blogroll, called Breakfast Blogger). I love their photos and recipes, too, but they don’t post very often.

    DP – Oh! Which flavour did you try? Some people at my work keep them in the fridge and eat them frequently. They claim to enjoy them

    Geewits – Yes, we do have quiche once in a while. She’s not a big fan. Her favorite meal is supper and I keep telling her she can have supper leftovers for breakfast — that there’s no rule that breakfast has to be eggs or toast or cereal, and she used to eat different stuff when she was younger, and she’ll still have leftover pizza for breakfast but some rice & lentils or spaghetti or fish cakes? She looks at me like I have 2 head.

    Loth – And, I’m sure once they make their way across the ocean your people will be adding their own special touches to them as well!!

  11. oatmeal is good for you – tastes like poop but is good for you.
    Protein shake gets me running in the morning.

  12. Who knew these things even existed? Wow. The very thought of eating any of them makes me gag though.

    I like my homemade muffins: Whole grain flour with nuts and fruit added it. Like those nasty breakfast twinkies they’re lovely heated or not…

  13. I usually make it with rolled oats a la Quaker but when I’m feeling really nostalgic I get actual Scottish style oatmeal and cook it up. I also cheat from time to time and add raisins too it but finding fresh raisins is so hard in the long cold Canadian winter.

  14. Being in the land of processed foods none of this surprises me!

    The frozen aisles here are 3 times the size of Canadian ones…don’t even want to see the difference with the European culture!

    Funny, my son sometimes has that for breakfast when he eats on the way too school. I know horrible! It’s a 20 minute drive and once in a while he doesn’t want to eat as soon as he gets up so he has, a “wrap on the road”.

    But most of the time it will be eggs and toast, a smoothie (left over from snack time the day before…homemade), french toast (you can make a batch, refrigerate, and then pop in the toaster oven in the morning), waffle, yogurt, fruit, oatmeal.

    These can be in any order and/or combination. I am a big fan of muffins….but muffins that I make!

    Really, when it comes down to eating… I want to know all the ingredients that go into our food!

  15. Haven’t tried any of those ‘convenience’ breakfasts. I have coffee or tea and either cereal and milk, peanut butter on toast, or oatmeal for breakfast.

    The girls eat breakfast every day, but then again they’re little and still under my control (mwahahaha). I give them a choice every day and usually they choose raisin toast, or toast and peanut butter, or cereal and yogurt. On weekends I do pancakes and bacon. Neither will eat eggs though.

  16. Well. Between Purity Balls and now this, that’s two posts in a row that seriously tested my gag reflex! (The topics I mean. Not that posts themselves.)

    These all just seem like different versions of the grossest thing of all: HOT POCKETS. More. Gagging.

    Me? I just had a PB&J sandwich for breakfast. MMMMM.

  17. I admit it—I am breakfast challenged. Some days it’s all I can do to get up and pull myself together enough that I don’t look like a semi truck has been driving back and forth over my head all night. I’m not a morning person. As such, I don’t like breakfast. I NEED breakfast, so I eat it. But it’s usually an apple or a banana that I can eat in the car and a scone from Starbucks (or my new favorite, the spinach and mushroom piadini. Yummy in the tummy.)

    However, I do have a super secret stash of Toaster Strudel, which are basically those toaster scramble things with apples instead of eggs and a frosting topping. Oh my Gawd. A little heaven and a lot of sugar.

  18. *beurk* these processed things make me want to throw up at any time of the day. I don’t care they call it convenient, nobody will ever convince me that putting a bagel in the microwave is better.

    Having said all that, I never eat breakfast. I drink a pot of french press coffee. But when I race or go for a morning run, I will have steel cut oatmeal (I buy it at the market, much cheaper and less packaging) as it has all the nutrients I need, although I had to experiment with quantities, a very small bowl is all that is needed before a race lol With a banana and I’m good to go.

  19. i’m with you on the breakfast thing. I eat breakfast every morning. I wouldn’t dare eat one of these products that you show above. The bagel with the creamcheese already inside makes me cringe.. so gross!

  20. Lebowski – Running, as in “up and out the door” or running, as in for the loo?

    Jazz – You should retire and go into the muffin business!

    Bandobras – Rolled oats? Bah! Those have all the rib-stickiness rolled out of them. You could also try oatmeal with chunks of apple cooked in it and then sprinkled with cinnamon and/or maple syrup. It’s almost like dessert that way.

    Helen – the frozen aisles get scarier every day. I just chose breakfast because I didn’t even want to get into the rest of the “quick” meal options

    Alison – I haven’t had raisin toast in YEARS. I’m going to get some on the way home…yum

    Lesley – PB&J! You’re ready to live in the Big Brother household.

    Mo – Yes, I do believe we had this morning routine discussion once on your blog as well. Poor you…missing the best part of the day.

    UA – Ah is that how you spell Beurk..Thanks. You never have breakfast? Wow. I couldn’t function. Do you have lunch early? Or lunch at all? I know some people don’t eat until suppertime.

    A&J – Good for you. But I do know people who really like the bagel-fuls! How about a pancake and sausage on a stick? My daughter thought that was the coolest thing ever. Not that she would actually eat them or anything…

  21. I love leftover cereal milk. “How much?”, you ask. Please put yours in a bag, and send it to me. That’s how much.

    …and when I think of a ‘breakfast pogo’, I have a different image altogether.

    By the way, I hate sounding repetitive – because I’ve said this here before – but the ingredients in all the crap you pictured above probably includes multiple dangerous chemicals and the very-cheap-to-produce corn syrup, which seems to be the central ingredient in any processed food for the last ten years or more.

    I’ve never tried Irish Oats (like the ‘steel cut’ variety one often sees referred to in health books), but I like either Robin Hood or Quaker just fine. With my schedule, and being the morning parent with the twins, I have to use the ‘minute’ variety, but there’s nothing in them except oats, so they’re fine…and lots of eggs. Love eggs. And bowls upon bowls full of leftover cereal milk. Yum.

    It’s all about the breakfast.

  22. I spell it the French way 🙂 one of my quirks… Yes, I eat lunch, promptly at 12 ish as I will have a snack (usually fruit or nuts) around 3 pm which is perfect as I run around 6 and don’t want to eat too much before I head out.

    JB, the minute variety has been processed so although you are still eating oats, there is very little nutrients left. I know I really ought to get used to eating in the morning and I have no reason not to do it with steel cut (or Irish, they’re the same) oats as you can prepare it the night before (boil water, drop oats in it, cover and let sit overnight). Heat it up in the microwave the next morning and voila, wholesome oatmeal. Sound like a commercial don’t I? At the end of the day though, eating something is better than what I do… 🙂

  23. JB – Okay. A huge shipment of cereal milk is on its way. I’ve been saving it up for over 30 years just in case. And what UA said about the instant oatmeal — no nutrients. Rolled oats don’t take that long – you can let them sit in boiled water for 20 minutes while everyone is getting washed and dressed and stufff.

    UA – I think that’s the right way to spell it since it IS a French word.

  24. Bagel-fuls look a lot like twinkies, you’re right. Probably with the same shelf life.

    I’m a big fan of breakfast too…even for dinner. 🙂

  25. Grandy – Of course! I should have mentioned that. I like stuff like cereal and waffles and pancakes more in the evening than I do in the morning.

  26. half the time i am not even hungry in the morning. if i am, ill eat, if i am not, ill drink my tea and off i go.

    those bagelfuls scare the crap out of me, i see them at the grocery store all the time and i shudder when i walk by them.

    scramblers also scare me.. but not quite as much as that breakfast pogo! i have never seen such a thing and it is cracking me up.

  27. ROFL we were watching TV the other night and an ad for bagelfuls came on. The Lion actually screamed. “ARRRRGGGHHHH! Another Frankenstein food!!!”

    We eat a full breakfast every morning. I always have. Breakfast, actually, is my favourite meal of the day.

  28. Don’t confuse the ‘instant’ variety with the ‘minute’ variety. Two completely different things.
    You don’t just add boiling water and stir with the ‘minute’ variety, you have to cook them in boiling water, as you do the ‘five minute’ variety or the ‘ten minute’ variety. Cook any of those for 20 minutes, and you’ve boiled all the goodness out of them anyway.
    The ‘minute’ variety just cooks up faster, and it doesn’t have all the additives and sugar of the ‘instant’ variety.
    Okay, I’m sick of writing the word ‘variety’.

  29. Jobthingy – How can you not be hungry in the morning after not eating for 12 hours or more? I’m always starving. And good for Speedy for being open to anything not just “breakfast foods” for breakfast.

    UP – It’s my favourite meal of the day,too. Following closely by lunch. By supper I’m not too hungry and I usually just have something light.

    JB – Well, we don’t BOIL rolled oats for 20 minutes. We stir them into boiling water and then let them sit for 20 minutes. Maybe leave the burner on minimum just to keep it warm. Variety.

  30. (Late to the comments as usual!)

    I always have breakfast. And I get up early enough that I have time for proper dressing, proper eating and the reading of part of the paper anyway. My husband is not a morning person but on the weekend, he makes us breakfast. I don’t like eggs that taste like the grill so I usually have a boiled egg but lately, he has discovered scrambling them in a bowl over boiling water and they are the best! Creamy and fluffy and totally dee-lish, with a little kosher salt and pepper. Put on top of the whole wheat bread he also makes a couple of times a week (a loaf is in the oven as I write) and I’m good until noon.

    When I was cycling 26km a day to and from work, I would have what I called a second breakfast at about 10 am because I was starving by then. Nowadays, I can last until just about noon with some cereal and juice.

  31. I feel sick just reading about that stuff. Seriously? Is that hard to scramble up an egg or spread your own bagel with cream cheese? Are people really that lazy?

  32. Julia – I’ll have to try that scrambled egg over boiling water. I also like omlettes with a little cheese and/or mushroom – maybe a dollop of hot sauce on the side. I usually have a banana or something when I get to work, too and then I’m ready for lunch at around 11:00

    Kimberly – Apparantly so. I can never understand the long lines at the Tim Horton’s every morning for coffee. The time you’re wasting stopping and parking and standing in line for a cup of coffee you could have brewed it fresh at home and poured into your carry cup for the drive in –or a thermos and you have enough for the whole morning?? And at a fraction of the cost. And you don’t waste all those paper cups.