Must Sees

If the new season of television is a big disappointment to you, tune in to the Billings Bridge Bus Station (BBB) channel for these gripping new offerings[1]:

C.H.I.P.S Man: Starring a peculiar, tall thin man in a long brown trench coat several sizes too large for him. Watch as he compensates by tying the belt around his waist several times. You’ll be at the edge of your chair as he crushes his chips into tiny crumbs in the bag then sucks on his fingers until they’re nice and wet, then sticks them in his bag of chips. You won’t believe your eyes when he pulls his fingers out of the bag all covered with chip crumbs and inserts them back into his mouth THREE AT A TIME! Sucking for all he’s worth. Repeat.

The Olga and Vlad Show:  In the first episode, zany older couple, Olga and Vlad go shopping. Olga has a cane, though she can walk perfectly well.  Vlad has an awkward shuffling gait and leans heavily on a cane-like umbrella. In the first scene Olga is yelling in Polish at Vlad. Vlad grimaces and shuffles quickly away from her waving his hand at her in a “shut-up-and-leave-me-alone” motion. The action heats up as Olga keeps yelling and Vlad keeps shuffling. Vlad finally runs out of steam and sidewalk and starts shuffling back. Watch for this one at next year’s Emmy’s.

The Hootchie-Kootchie Gal:  Seventy-five year-old Dolly Bird dresses us in a smart black fitted jacket, short flouncy skirt, fetching bowler hat and stiletto heels and attempts to walk across the street. The sense of drama is palatable as we watch Dolly, dazed and confused from her excursion, try to figure out where to catch her next bus. She twirls and we catch sight of a long stretch of naked thigh. She twirls again and we avert our eyes. She toddles backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, twirling, whirling, ancient hands flapping in distress. Suddenly a new character appears and asks her a question. They chat. The newcomer points up the stairs. Dolly Bird almost faints dead away at the information. Dolly Bird is guided to an elevator. To be continued… 

[1] I mentioned on Zoom’s blog the other day that it would be really cool to have a sunglasses camera. So you could just look at your subject, bring your hand up as if to adjust the glasses and snap a picture – a still on the right lens and a short video on the left. It would come in so handy as you go through your day, seeing strange and wonderful things you’d like to capture on film. Regular cameras are so obtrusive and not as instantly accessible. The Sunglasses Camera sure would have come in handy to help illustrate this blog.

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11 responses to “Must Sees

  1. That’s really way too weird about the sunglasses camera. Just yesterday I was thinking I wished I could record something with my eyes and have access to a still. I had to take the picture I wanted yesterday through my dirty windshield. Fortunately, I was parked right in front of the curious couple. I’ll post that one tonight.

  2. re: sunglasses camera: that is why I “draw” my one blog (or used to and intend too!).

    Was that Vlad the impaler?

    I can;t wait for sweeps week!

  3. I fiddle constantly with sunglasses when I have to wear them, so I dread to think how many fascinating photos of the ground, the sky and my thumb I could take with your invention!

  4. Geewits – I don’t know how many times I see stuff that’s interesting or beautiful or just plain weird that I’d like to capture on filem and blog about or just keep. But you can’t just go around pointing cameras at people and snapping their photos. The sunglasses camera would be perfect. I’m sure we have the technology to build a camera into a pair of sunglasses and it probably already exists for spies and stuff. I want a pair.

    Missy – Your drawings are charming and lovely, and we can also describe things with words, but it just ain’t the same as seeing the actual thing sometimes, is it? I suppose he could have been an impaler with that pointy umbrella. I didn’t dare get too close. Sweeps week – ha ha

    Loth – No, no, you wouldn’t just be snapping photos every time you touch your sunglasses. There would be a shutter release button that you’d have to deliberately depress. Don’t worry!!

  5. Does BBB carry that show with the teenage lovers who kiss for so long that you wonder if they are really still kissing or if their facial piercings have become entangled? I used to see that show when I lived on Uplands drive and took the Number 4 into work each day. But maybe it’s been cancelled.

  6. Zoom – I’ll make a note

    Helen – When’s your birthday? I might as well order in bulk and get the super-spy discount

    Alison – I’ve seen it a couple of times, but I don’t think it had a big following.

    Cedar – Are you sure it’s safe under your bed???