Steve & the Sweater Vest

I thought Mr. Rogers was dead, but I guess he’s running for Prime Minister of Canada. Yes! I saw him on TV in his warm, fuzzy sweater vest, in a big, comfy chair saying he’s sometimes mad, sometimes glad, sometimes sad because his boy is growing up and likes to spend time with his friends instead of his dad.

What? That was Stephen Harper? (For our American friends, just substitute “George W. Bush” anywhere you see the words “Stephen Harper” in this post and you’ll get the gist).

I saw stretched lips; teeth revealed. I mistook this for a smile.

His hands were flying all over the place helplessly like he’s trying to paddle his way out of the sweater vest or even right out of the ad. This has got to be a very uncomfortable for him; acting like he cares about stuff.

He hints at hidden pianistic skills. And then, lo he’s photographed glaring sternly at giant piano.

 

He wants us to believe he’s just like a real boy and can do stuff like holding kittens:

 

(Too. Tight)

Or propping up babies (non-caucasian…2 for 1) on his warm, fuzzy arms:

 

He even attempted what is commonly referred to as humour by humans.

The media, who is surprisingly now allowed to speak to and about him, asked him hard-hitting questions like: If you were a vegetable, what kind of vegetable would you be?

He said: “I would choose, if I had to, instead to be a fruit; just what I am – sweet and colourful.”

Now he’s a fruit. I can’t wait for the lurid confession aimed to garner the “colourful” Canadians’ votes.

I guess he thinks Canadians must be a nation of inbred yokels to fall for this robotic imitation of a kindler, gentler Ubersturmbandsfuhrer.

Next day he was back to his old self as he petulantly refused to go to the TV debate if they let Green Party Leader, Elizabeth May join in. He said something like he didn’t think it would be “fair” to have someone on the panel who could show him up.

(NPD Leader, Jack Layton lost his last two supporters by joining in this shameful boycott threat.)

Fail.

Harper continues to show himself up as the  childish bully he is with his stupid anti-Dion ads. (that’s Stéphane Dion, Leader of the Liberals not Celine Dion, Canadian Chanteuse, for those of you not from here). The one with the puffin pooping on a befuddled looking Dion really came back to smack him in the face.

And that’s all I’m going to ever say about the 2008 federal election fiasco.

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41 responses to “Steve & the Sweater Vest

  1. I am SO glad SOMEONE wrote about this other than me … Am I the only one who has to fight the urge to gouge my eyes out everytime I see an image of him ‘smiling’?

    I find the spin-doctors’ attempts at impression management insulting. Please tell me we’re not the only ones who can see right through this manipulation tactic. :S

  2. I think he should be a tomato.

    Dr. Nokitofa: Technically sir, tomatoes are fags.
    Dr. Morrison: He means fruits.
    (Attack of the Killer Tomatoes)

  3. “he’s sometimes mad,
    sometimes glad,
    sometimes sad,
    because his boy is growing up,
    and likes to spend time with his friends,
    instead of with his dad.”

    Whats with this Dr. Suess bull?

  4. I know a photographer who refers to a certain look that people project in photos as the “uptight and goofy” look. I call it the “Stoned again!” look.

  5. There are only a few things in life that scare me but certainly one of them is that the Canadian public will once again elect this neo nazi Bush wannabe.
    As for him and Layton, anyone who cares about democracy instead of personal gain could have got that one right without even trying. I’m not sure who the other NDP backer was but I guess she/he, like me, has given up on Jack.
    But while we are on the subject who the fuck at the networks thought that was a good idea. At CBC it’s probably the same fucktard who decided to can the Hockey night in Canada theme.

  6. Tania – Harper smiling? I think it’s gas

    Lebowski – The arcane knowledge that rolls around in that big head of yours. Also — not Dr. Seuss, Mr. Rogers. He always said, in a very soft kindly voice, “Whenever I feel mad or sad or even glad about something I like to show my feelings by playing piano. Harper’s the one who said his kid would rather spend time with anyone but him. Maybe we should be looking at electing the kid.

    Woodsy – He’s not the most photogenic guy is he? I guess it’s hard work keeping the inner Satan at bay whilst trying to look human for the camera. I think that’s pretty clear in the kitty photo (note flames emitting from somewhere near his back region)

    Bandobras – Now, now, there’s no need for that kind of language in a political discussion. I think the networks were all gung ho on having all four of them on and assumed that was the thing to do and then Jackie and Big Stevie said if girls were allowed then they weren’t going to play and then Little Stevie said if Jackie and Big Stevie aren’t playing then he wasn’t going to play with just a girl, so then the networks said, okay well that would be a stupid debate so instead of telling them all to grow up they decided to leave the girl out. BUT then all the web went alight with indignation so Jackie, being quick and nimble and quite the chancer, jumped up and said he’d play afterall and that left Big Stevie all by himself. He shrugged and said, “who knew people would get upset at this late stage with my dictatorship?” and decided to play afterall.

  7. Well you know I’m already sick of the entire lot of them; to the point where I’m putting my vote up to auction. I’ll vote for the highest bidder (http://misster-kitty.blogspot.com/2008/09/electoral-auction.html) …actually I just take the money and spoil my ballot 😉

    The ads, on TV, on the web, have made me long for the days when I had no TV or computer. They ALL should be embarassed, but none more so than Harper. He makes me ill. … that poor poor kitten…

    Sad

    Sad

    Sad

  8. Mister Kitty is right. Where’s PETA when you need them?
    You just know that poor kitten is going to need years of therapy or else will be out behind the school trying to score drugs from all the kids and gettin in trouble beating up the neighborhood dogs.

  9. Oh the things I miss (thankfully!) by not owning a television!

    But did anyone else see that image of him with the kitten and think “every time you vote for someone else, Stephen Harper kills a kitten”?

    I suppose that also ties in with Tania’s comment about going blind every time she sees Harper smile…

    (For those of you who didn’t get it, the missing link in both references is this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:God-kills-kitten.jpg)

    – RG>

  10. Wait — there was another thing he was apologizing for today. Oh yes, his communications guru made some sort of swipe at a father of a deceased soldier because the father is a liberal. (I need to word that better — sorry.) Classy.

    You know what frustrates me, is that he is going to win the election with a minority AND we will be doing this AGAIN in 18 months. BTW has anyone determined what happens in Oct. 2009 with the set date of the election, the Stevie set in the first place to avoid all this?

    Gah… waste of time and money this is…

  11. “I guess he thinks Canadians must be a nation of inbred yokels to fall for this robotic imitation of a kindler, gentler Ubersturmbandsfuhrer.”<— Let’s hope those of you in the Great White North are smarter than most Americans, because that’s essentially how George W. Bush got in. Twice.

    ::hanging head in shame::

  12. Have you ever noticed that when we have a Liberal government here in Canada, the US has a Democratic government? And when we have Conservative, they have Republican? We seem to reflect each other. So, why are the Conservatives calling an early election, just days prior to the US election? Something doesn’t feel right.

  13. Kitty – I know where you’re coming from not wanting to have anything to do with this embarassing election, but if we all voted Green we’d be sending a stronger message. They won’t even get another member elected, but every vote for them is a vote not for any of the other 3-4 arseholes.

    Bandobras – Poor kitty. It looks like bad Mr. Harper was about to wring it’s cute little neck when the photographer showed up.

    RealGrouchy – Ha ha – perfect. I’m surprised he hasn’t actually used it in his campaign.

    Nat – Funny thing, I was just thinking yesterday what a mess the first couple of weeks have been for Harper vis a vis communications and PRESTO, today his Director of Communications is fired.

    Kimberly – Our saving grace is that although he believes himself to be supreme ruler, all the other parties still have a voice in Parliament & with a minority gov’t an even stronger one. He’ll probably get another minority gov’t but only because the Liberal guy is such a completely hopeless candidate.

    Jo – Oh yes, I’m sure the timing with the US election was a big factor. I’m pretty sure the Republicans are going to win again in the US and I’m pretty sure we’re going to end up with another minority conservative government, so I don’t know what it all means. What are you thinking??

  14. Ohhhhh god I hate Harper. WTF is with the warm and fuzzy all of a sudden? He is neither warm nor fuzzy, no matter what.

    Then we have Dion with all the charisma and charm of a wet janitor’s mop. In winter. After wiping down the slushy school entrance.

    They’re both named Stephen – does that have something to do with it?

    WE NEED AN OBAMA!

  15. Hi,
    I am not from Canada and don’t know the gentleman in question. Still, loved your post. Aren’t politicians all over the world just the same?
    In our part of the word they come all the more jaded and old

  16. Like RealGrouchy, glad to have no TV and that our campaign will only be a month not 2 years.

    The funny thing is that no matter how much energy politicians put into what they do or say the majority of public will say: I vote for party ___ because I always have like me pappy did and grandpappy before.

    Only ridings where citizens prove they pay attention to candidates or issues can vote. How’s that for electoral reform?

  17. Thanks for the post and saying EVERYTHING I wanted to say, but with more wit!
    I can’t believe anyone could fall for this stuff. It’s BRUTAL. The prospect of a Conservative majority is frightening me. But there have been some bright moments: the Nfld Premiere asking him to leave their birds out of his childish attack ads 🙂

  18. Jazz – I don’t think I’d like an Obama much. He seems all polished and spectacular, but there’s something off about him, too. And you’re right, it’s incredibly patronizing to ask us to believe in a warm & fuzzy Harper. What’s he thinking? It boggles the mind.

    Violetsky – I think the kitty was chucked into the fire the instant the photo had been taken.

    Stella – next time to you see ad (or go to his webiste and watch it) look at his hands and arms flailing about. It’s really weird.

    Lost – Thanks for visiting our currently embarassing country and welcome to the blog. And yes, I think it takes a “special” kind of person to be a politician.

    Pearl – You’re so right, what an insane way to vote. The parties aren’t at all what they were even 10 years ago, let alone in your pappy’s day. Plus we have some new parties that deserve to have more representation in the House. We should be happy to have so many options instead of just A or B like they do in the US. The main advantage to having all these options is to exercise them in order to keep the 2 main parties on their toes.

    Noha – Ah Danny Williams can always be counted on to give the Harper-a-tron what fer! You know as long and complicated as the American system is, there is something to be said for taking the time to really weed out the wheat from the chaff and getting (ostensibly) the best possible candidates AND for being sure that no matter what, we’ll only have to put up with them for 8 years max AND for not being able to call elections willy nilly because you don’t like the look of the guy sitting across the House from you.

  19. That kitten looks very very afraid.

    I read somewhere that the timing of the election *before* the US election was so that if the winds of change swept the Republicans from the White House, the Candadian electorate wouldn’t go getting any ideers, since our election would already be over.

  20. Did you know that the name of that kitten was “CHECKERS” ???

    Curiously enough so was that baby he is holding.

  21. Alison – I would be afraid too, if Stephen Harper were holding me, wouldn’t you? Interesting about the election timing question. Things have changed quite a bit down there in the last couple of weeks, though. Here polls are still favoring the Tories big time today. We MUST do something!!

    Meanie – I don’t know what’s worse the sign pollution or the airwaves pollution…

    Lebowski – You DO know and/or pretend to know the strangest things

  22. I think Harper knows the Republicans are going to be elected again, so he announced an early election here so Canada would be “in sync” with the US. We don’t have a strong Liberal leader here, and they don’t have a strong Democratic leader in the US. For all the Obamania, I think folks know he is a lightweight.

    By all rights, neither the Conservatives nor the Republicans should be elected again, but they are going to be!

    *sigh*

  23. First of all, thank you for the George W. Bush point of reference. Because, well…….*shudder* I totally get it!

    Second of all, I’m still not convinced Mr. Harper CAN do things like “hold kitties” (kitty looks possibly Photoshopped) or “hold babies.” (Baby looks possibly revolted.)

    Third of all, I do NOT know what Ubersturmbandsfuhrer means, but when I Googled it in an attempt to find out….your blog post came up first. SCORE! (The remaining entries were in another language which did little to further my cause.)

    Fourth of all? I love this post! Your specialty: Entertaining AND educational.

  24. Ubersturmbandsfuhrer
    Uber = over
    sturm =storm
    band = group, troop, army etc
    fuhrer = leader

    Ubersturmbandsfuhrer = storm trooper grand poohbah

    Ubersturmbandsfuhrer = you are screwed if you vote for him again

    Your welcome, I’m effluent in several languages including English, German, French, Spanish, ironics.

  25. Jo – Don’t give up hope completely. We’re paying a lot of money for this election so although we probably won’t be able to change the ruling party, we can send all the parties some messages with our votes. (i.e.: Tories – as soon as the liberals find a leader, you’re out. Liberals – find a leader. NDP – ya’ll have sooooo missed the boat. Greens – Now that you’re starting to get your shit together people might start taking you more seriously.

    Lesley – Thanks & where have you been? Yes, you totally DO get the whole Harper thing. They DO seem to have some skilled photoshoppers in their ranks judging from their anti-liberal ads..hmmm. And, haha, how interesting to be googled under ubersturmbandsfuhrer.

    Bandobras – Am I going to have to start paying you a retainer?

    X – There’s almost nothing he does that doesn’t make me not want to not vote for his opponent

  26. Actually I like him. :p

    My preference is a guy who has no personality who gets stuff done, reduces my taxes and keeps the gov’t off my ass.

    Hell, I’d even vote for Mussolini if he kept the trains on time (Which he didn’t – it was an urban legend)

  27. Well… he’s actually nicer in person. And he and his wife have rescue cats and they foster kittens for the humane society. I think you should post some criticism of Dion, Layton and even May, just to be fair. Ultimately however, what should we do when we don’t like any of the choices for PM? Or for our particular MP? We can moan about it or we can find somebody we do like to run. As long as we have the governmental system that we presently have, then it’s up to us to either change it or work with it. I personally think we need to change the political parties or even the party system. A lot of people are not just one wing or the other. Political preference is more of a grid (like the Brits proposed) than a continuum on a line. That’s why I would like to see Obama elected in the U.S. – because I like the “idea” of Obama and I would like to see something different happen there. And because my political leanings aren’t only one way or the other.

  28. Lebowski – I don’t know what :p means, so I’m not sure if you’re being serious or not. Has the current administration met your needs? Then by all means re-elect them.

    Julia – I don’t need to be fair. This is my blog not CBC. And, I’m sure if you’re close personal friends with the guy, you’ll get to know a side of him the rest of us don’t. Whether or not he fosters kittens, however, is kind of irrelevant if he’s being a dictatorial, lying asshole as a Prime Minister. But, yes, I totally agree that we could use some sort of change and that we should pay attention and vote according to who has the best platform, some real ideas instead of just voting for the same old party we’ve always voted for.

    Lesley – Likewise

  29. xup, 😛 means tongue in cheek 🙂

    That pic of the cat looks like it was doctored a bit. That poor cat’s head is way too small for its body. All I could think was ewwww when I was looking at it.

    Many people tend to vote for the leaders rather than the party they represent. Harper was only elected because people were voting against the liberals. They wouldn’t dare elect the NDP or the Bloc, whom don’t want to be elected, they’re only there to “safeguard” Quebec’s rights. So that leaves either Liberals or Conservatives. Stephane Dion is a great guy, very celebral, too quiet for the leadership position. Watch Bob Rae take over in a few years, maybe before that.

    Green party will gain seats but no more than that, if anything they will take away from the NDP (yay!). At the end of the day though people vote with their wallets. I think it’s going to be a tough decision for a lot of people, me included.

  30. UA – I think you’re right that Harper got in mainly because people were sick of the Liberals and also because there was a bit of a conservative wave sweeping North America. We really only have 2 parties in Canada, but it’s still nice to have some other options to vote for even knowing that they have no chance of ever ruling — it adds a nice blend of voices in the House and it keeps the other 2 parties from getting too complacent.

  31. Is the media deliberately overlooking the obvious? There are numerous photos showing Harper using a vest to cover up. You may recall the time he landed in Afganistan for the first time. The first images showed him in a cotton tucked in dress shirt with this enormous pot belly bouncing with each step. The following images showed him with a big heavy vest on (not a bullet proof one) and here he was in 40 C climate! More pictures showed him with both Mexican and US presidents in Mexico where he was wearing the same vest while his counterparts wore climate appropriate light cool cotton shirts. This is not a new image at all. It is his the results of his image consultants constantly at work. They could not be happier that the media has taken the view they have as it detracts from the fact that Harper is not the picture of health one would expect from a country leader.

  32. David – Wow, that’s convoluted. My theory is that he knows he’s got the conservative vote sewn up, but he wants to suck in the bleeding heart liberals too and knows they’re desperately searching around for some sort of alternative to Dion. So Harper dresses up like a liberal and goes through some liberal type motions all the while disparaging Dion. This fools the liberals because they’re obviously stupid or they would be conservatives, and they vote for him. But your theory’s good too. (pfft)

    Seven – I’m honoured you have chosen my non-political blog on which to comment today. Thank you. Come again