So yesterday at brunch we started a discussion on whether or not it was necessary or even desirable to cohabitate in order to have a truly loving, intimate relationship. I think it’s a discussion worth pursuing a bit further.
Some people felt very strongly that, yes, they wanted to wake up every morning to their significant person; to share the minutiae of day-to-day living with them; to feel their presence in their home. They felt that this closeness helps build and strengthen relationships.
Me, not so much. I kind of feel the opposite. I think the minutiae of day-to-day living impacts negatively on intimate relationships.
I should note that the people I was speaking with were all in fairly new relationships. Relationships are fun when they’re new. You’re getting to know each other’s quirks and oddities — you can still joke about them and you’re willing to overlook them or even think they’re cute. You’re all about compromise and giving each other leeway because this relationship is special, different, The One.
I hope they’re right and that they’ve found their happily-ever-afters.
Me, I find the quirks and oddities start to grate real fast. Between the job and dealing with the world at large, a big part of my day is work and compromise and gritting my teeth and giving leeway. When I come home, I want to relax and be myself and be comfortable.
“To maintain a good relationship takes hard work,” it is said. I guess I don’t want to work hard for a relationship. In my opinion, if you invite someone into your life it should be because that person enhances your life somehow. Hard work does not enhance my life.
I don’t want to pick up another adult’s debris no matter how much I love them. I don’t want to argue about when and what we’re having for supper. I don’t want to smell their poop in my bathroom and I don’t want to keep still on my side of the bed so someone else can sleep. And, I don’t always want to be with someone every dayand night; week after week; month after month; year after year.
What if we each had our own, separate homes and then we can get together when we really want to see each other? Maybe we’ll spend the night together sometimes, but it’s not obligatory. You can be always at your best with each other. Wouldn’t that keep the relationship fresher, newer, saner?
A little absence really does make the heart grow fonder. When you’re away from each other regularly you have a chance to miss the person, think about the things that actually attracted you to them in the first place; yearn for them. Really, don’t you find you love your kids most when they’re asleep or away for a while? Doesn’t the same thing apply to your significant one?