Sometimes I’m Mean…

 

 

  1. When I sit way in the back on the bus and put my bag on the seat next to me and avoid eye contact so no one will sit with me. (Of course if it’s the last seat or someone asks to sit down I’ll move my bag).
  2. When I pointedly change seats whenever the 2-pack a day woman sits next to me on the bus first thing in the morning. (I keep the gagging noises to myself)
  3. When I deliberately walk down the very middle of the sidewalk swinging my arms wildly when I see a bicycle approaching.
  4. When I go along with accidentally-on-purpose forgetting to invite the really horrible, obnoxious woman in our unit to lunch with us. (Then I feel justified when she goes to our Director and tells her we’re being mean to her)
  5. When I won’t play a board game with my daughter which she loves so much just because I’m tired and I hate, hate board games.
  6. When I bump and touch and smack the front of a car that’s stopped in the crosswalk and I’m making a big show of trying to stay within the lines of the crosswalk and there are only 2 inches between the car and the last line.
  7. When the 3rd, 4th or 5th card that week makes its rounds at work for someone’s birthday or wedding or retirement or baby shower or get well or whatever and I can’t even picture who the person is and I don’t sign the card or leave any money in it.
  8. When I don’t answer the phone because call display tells me it’s a friend who always  likes to talk for a really, really long time and I’m very content with my book at the moment.
  9. When it’s going home time and I’m stuck in yet another pointless meeting and I excuse myself saying I have to be somewhere. “Sorry, I would have cancelled had I known about this meeting sooner.” And, I don’t really have to be anywhere except away from there and everyone I leave behind looks at me wistfully but they have to stay because their workday doesn’t end for another hour or two. (And you wonder why, with such commitment, I haven’t been promoted to Grand Overlord yet)
  10. When someone retires, because I’m usually the first one in the office, I get to pillage the retired person’s office first and take all the good stuff before the others get in. (I scored a vintage kaleidoscope and a mini-dartboard that tells your fortune just the other day – also a useful task light).
  11. When I get into the express line at the grocery store even though I have two or three items over the limit but the other lines are 8 deep.
  12. When I’m in a department store and I walk by something that falls off the hanger or shelf and I don’t pick it up and put it back; or when I put something in my cart and later decide I don’t want it and I don’t bring it back to where it belongs. 
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21 responses to “Sometimes I’m Mean…

  1. i’ll sell the title of meanie to you for $10

    actually, they are all acceptable to me save number 11. that’s just wrong.

  2. Meanie – Nah – you can keep it. In defense of #1 – I don’t do it all the time, just sometimes after work when some grocery stores decide no one is actually there to grocery shop, just to pick a few things up and they open 3 or 4 express lines and only one regular line and that’s the day everyone does a major grocery shop at 3:30 in the afternoon and the 3 express lines are empty and the regular line has a dozen or more people in it and I only have a couple items over the regulation 8. I would just feel stupid in that long line.

    Dr. Monkey – I never said anything about “evil”. That’s a whole other post.

  3. I can SO relate to the item about the cards. Look. We all work hard for our money and after the 27th card-plus-collecting money thing goes around in a week I am like, “LOOK. I am going to hold on to my money as I would like to eat the rest of the week, thankyouverymuch and I don’t even know who this Abigail is and how do I even KNOW it’s really her birthday?” And I will not sign just so I don’t have to fork over the few bucks. Mean? Or just Fiscally Fit? 😉

    Great post!

  4. I would have to get up and move if Smokey McSmokerson sat next to me, too.

    And board games — you don’t like?! Finally, something we differ on. Tell your daughter I’ll play a board game with her when I ship myself up there ala Rowland. 🙂

  5. 1. Last seat available…..really? how thoughtful…
    2. Go ahead and gag aloud!
    3. You could at least be riding a unicycle if you are going to motion as if…
    4. Satisfaction Guaranteed
    5. oh Shirley (hehe) gotta love SCRABBLE?
    6. Good move!
    7. Meaning please don’t give me (you) one on your B-Day, Anni – etc. which is completely fine with me!
    8. You pay the bill …. you decide who and when.
    9. Yeah!
    10. Lets retire!
    11. The only one’s counting are the ones behind you and since they are behind you it doesn’t really matter now does it?
    12. Yeah i know – Your conscious.

  6. Oh sure, go ahead and get in line with more than the allowed number of purchases. I suppose as you walk away and see me expiring from the stroke you cause me, you’ll be mean enough to suggest I should collapse over to the side so others can get through the checkout.

  7. Oh I used to do the bag on the seat thing when I took the bus too. Yes, of course, you have to move it if the bus is full, but I am convinced that little bit of strategy earned me a solo seat many a day. I used to do a little internal cheer in my head if I was still sitting alone when the bus picked up the last passenger and hit the highway.

  8. Chris – I think you can be honest and still be mean sometimes, right?

    Lesley – Ya, it gets a bit much sometimes. A couple of weeks ago they were asking me to sign a get-well card for someone who was off sick for 3 days!

    Debra – Well, I’m sure there are other things we don’t have in common — very, very minor things, of course.

    Hunter – Thanks for ecouraging me in my meaness

    Bandobras – I never go more than 3 over and I always have my ATM card at the ready and I bring my own cloth bags and even help pack. All in all I think I’m faster than the old lady with 2 items that have been in the “quick sell” bin so long they don’t have a bar code; and when it comes time to pay she counts out every last penny from various slots and pockets in her giant purse.

    Kimberly – Ah, these small victories that make life just a touch sweeter.

  9. Life is up for grabs. Take charge, I say.
    You’ve been awarded, if you’d like to stop by. No courier needed. No monetary value. Feel free to dance down the sidewalk.

  10. What do you do when the people in line at the grocery store start making conversation? That always bugs me. It always starts out with a product question…”So, I see you like coffee. Great day for coffee.” Oh sweet Jesus can’t they tell I’m sociopathic!

  11. Violetsky: Gosh. Golly. Gee. I don’t know what to say. Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you all. I’ll try to figure out how to get that award pasted on my blog. And I’ll have to think really hard about who I will pass it on to. There are so many brilliant blogs out there.

    Brad – Uh-oh! I”M usually the one that starts those conversations, Brad. I usually peer at their groceries and tsk tsk, shake my head and comment on their lack of vegetables or fibre. Ask if they intend to feed their kids all that crap. Start a long discourse on how animals are slaughtered and the reasons for so much e.coli in meat. Then I make a few pointed remarks about how with their weight problem they probably should think about a more balanced diet. And some exercise instead of asking for the car pick-up option. I usually finish it off with a good tongue lashing about why they should stop using plastic bags. Maybe we’ll run into each other at the supermarket one day, eh?

  12. The express line at the grocery store one is the only one that I can’t defend either. All the rest, I can relate to, whether I do them or not.
    The bus is one of the biggest struggles. I don’t care if someone wants to sit alone when there are other places to sit, but I can’t handle when someone is taking up two seats and the bus is full (i.e. no seats left), and when that happens, I usually say excuse me and wait for them to move their bags. If they do, cool. If they don’t, or just barely move them an inch, I usually just kind of sit on top of their bags. I don’t think they’ve paid a bus ticket for that bag, have they?

  13. Noha – I didn’t realize the express lane rule was such a strong issue with people. I guess I’ll have to re-think that practice — not that I do it often anyway…