Sometimes I’m Mean…

 

 

  1. When I sit way in the back on the bus and put my bag on the seat next to me and avoid eye contact so no one will sit with me. (Of course if it’s the last seat or someone asks to sit down I’ll move my bag).
  2. When I pointedly change seats whenever the 2-pack a day woman sits next to me on the bus first thing in the morning. (I keep the gagging noises to myself)
  3. When I deliberately walk down the very middle of the sidewalk swinging my arms wildly when I see a bicycle approaching.
  4. When I go along with accidentally-on-purpose forgetting to invite the really horrible, obnoxious woman in our unit to lunch with us. (Then I feel justified when she goes to our Director and tells her we’re being mean to her)
  5. When I won’t play a board game with my daughter which she loves so much just because I’m tired and I hate, hate board games.
  6. When I bump and touch and smack the front of a car that’s stopped in the crosswalk and I’m making a big show of trying to stay within the lines of the crosswalk and there are only 2 inches between the car and the last line.
  7. When the 3rd, 4th or 5th card that week makes its rounds at work for someone’s birthday or wedding or retirement or baby shower or get well or whatever and I can’t even picture who the person is and I don’t sign the card or leave any money in it.
  8. When I don’t answer the phone because call display tells me it’s a friend who always  likes to talk for a really, really long time and I’m very content with my book at the moment.
  9. When it’s going home time and I’m stuck in yet another pointless meeting and I excuse myself saying I have to be somewhere. “Sorry, I would have cancelled had I known about this meeting sooner.” And, I don’t really have to be anywhere except away from there and everyone I leave behind looks at me wistfully but they have to stay because their workday doesn’t end for another hour or two. (And you wonder why, with such commitment, I haven’t been promoted to Grand Overlord yet)
  10. When someone retires, because I’m usually the first one in the office, I get to pillage the retired person’s office first and take all the good stuff before the others get in. (I scored a vintage kaleidoscope and a mini-dartboard that tells your fortune just the other day – also a useful task light).
  11. When I get into the express line at the grocery store even though I have two or three items over the limit but the other lines are 8 deep.
  12. When I’m in a department store and I walk by something that falls off the hanger or shelf and I don’t pick it up and put it back; or when I put something in my cart and later decide I don’t want it and I don’t bring it back to where it belongs. 
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