Elusive Gargoyle

A few weeks ago I won this fabulous contest on Brad Brown’s Blog. As you can imagine I was very excited to have won this fabulous contest and have my choice of one of Brad’s fabulous gargoyles  — I picked the middle one.

A few days later I received an email from Brad Brown himself telling me that my fabulous gargoyle was on its way via courier.

Brad Brown experienced a few hiccups on his way to the courier office which delayed shipment, but that’s okay because Brad Brown lives a very hectic and colourful life and I was happy just to be chosen.

The fabulous day finally arrived. I received another email from Brad Brown informing me that the gargoyle was actually and truly on its way.

I waited. And waited. And then I had to go out of town for a few days.

While I was away, the courier guy had been to my home twice and left me yellow sticky notes advising me that I had only one more chance to receive my fabulous package and then it would be returned to sender.

The yellow sticky notes further advised that there was no way of scheduling the courier for a convenient time and that if I wanted to pick up my fabulous package at the courier office, arrangements would have to be made in advance. I was by no means to simply show up at the office expecting to take possession of my fabulous package.

I frantically tried to call the courier office, at various numbers, but was always sent back to the same old voicemail that gave no options for leaving a message or to talk to a human being.

So, I left a note on one of the yellow stickies begging courier guy to leave the package with a neighbour – a neighbour who told me she’d be home all day.

I came home that night to find the dreaded, FINAL, yellow sticky telling me that my fabulous package was now wending its way back to Bohunk, Alabama[1] and I was basically s.o.l.

The final yellow sticky further claimed my neighbour had not been home. My neighour swore on a stack of yellow stickies that she’d been home all day.

 Oh well. I have resigned myself to a gargoyless  life. I had a whole fabulous blog planned, too, showcasing me and the gargoyle having a laugh riot of fun at various Ottawa hotspots. I’ve tried drinking heavily to try to forget what might have been, but it didn’t agree with me.

If there is anything good to be salvaged from this whole sorry episode, let it be me introducing you all to the fabulous Brad Brown.  He has an entertaining and creative blog – perhaps not everyone’s cup of tea, but then I don’t imagine Brad Brown aspires to being a cup of tea anyway.


[1]  Not Brad Brown’s real address, but close.
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18 responses to “Elusive Gargoyle

  1. I have a Gargoyle in my office. I keep him underneath my screen. I love it. He’s so ugly he’s cute. 😀

  2. I’m so sorry you’re gargoyle-less in Ottawa. I have a friend in Westboro who had a wonderfully ugly gargoyle in her front yard in a flower bed. Someone stole it. She is now gargoyle-less too.

    I’ve had similar bad courier experiences, the most annoying of which (and I realize I will get little sympathy from you on this) was when my dad ordered a fancy meat order (small, but expensive) from Omaha Steaks delivered for Christmas one year (’cause nothing says ‘celebrate the birth of Our Lord’ like some juicy filet mignons). They didn’t come when they said they would, then I had to leave town, long story short – spoiled meat. The Omaha company, which had done the couriering, did send a replacement order, but I cry a little every time I think of those wasted steaks.

  3. I live in a building where I have heard complaints of couriers not leaving parcels, or messages. There is a big sign at the front door clearly stating that most residents use underground parking entrance, so please do not leave [yellow sticky notices] on the front door. If no answer, please contact office. There are often notices left on the door for days that the intended never sees.

    That gargoyle would have added so much amusement to your life, I’m sure. It doesn’t know what it is missing.

  4. A&J – Sure, taunt me with your fabulous gargoyle.

    Noha – Is that possible? Now I not only have to worry about being mowed down by cyclists and motorists, but also being crushed by falling gargoyles. Thanks for the heads-up, though.

    Alison – should I start a support group, do you think? Maybe 2? One for gargoyle spinsters and another for victims of couriers (VOG).

    Violetsky – Poor gargoyle. I wonder where he is now? I suspect the courier kept him and is now using him for stud at his evil gargoyle mill.

    JB. YES! I do believe you’ve hit the nail on the head AND tied everything up with a nice tidy bow. Thank you.

  5. And, here I was thinking I was your Bohunk, Alabama representative.

    Yeh, I’ve had bad mojo with the courier gods. Living in a group of condos, I stayed home from work for 3 days waiting on my Mac computer to arrive. Tracked it online and each day they said they had tried to deliver but no one was home. Finally, I logged on the last day and read on their site ‘Signed for and delivered.’ Yet, I had received zilch. I finally found it in the neighboring VACANT building. Along with a slew of sticky notes. argh.

  6. Oh, that’s really crappy! I would be really upset with that. I just received a camera via courier, and they courier company left the camera with the Post Office, so I could pick it up there if they tried to deliver it and I wasn’t home. I guess I was really lucky.

  7. OTC – No worries. You’re still my official hillbilly rep. Did you ever get your Mac?

    Josie – That’s what I thought would happen, but I guess it depends on the courier. I suppose couriers not affiliated with Canada Post wouldn’t be dropping their parcels there, though.

  8. As someone who was involved in the delivery business I can perhaps shed some light on the subject. The courier company after making their extensive efforts to deliver to you will send the product back to the shipper. They will of course charge said shipper the return charges and if the shipper refuses to pay for it they will claim the product to pay for the charges and costs. If the product is valuable the shipper either pays or the courier makes a killing on the sale of the product. The mail service however is required by law to deliver it’s mail. If you have anything of any value to send it is worth it to go with the mail service who will hold the product and let you come and get it if you are not home when they call.
    ON another point I can’t imagine what you can do now. Both my dentist and my mother always encouraged me to gargoyle at least twice a day. Good luck.

  9. It’s awful to be gargoyless. My gargoyle (bob – no capital letter) lives on the mantle at the cottage. He likes it there. You can’t have him.

  10. Bandobras – Thanks for clearning that up delivery expert guy. All your knowledge and information still doesn’t get me a gargoyle, though, does it?

    Jazz – Damn you and your lowercase gargoyle flaunting!!!

  11. The sad thing was, I shipped the gargoyle specifically via UPS because I used to work at UPS Corporate – support my 12 shares of stock I thought. I just assumed the network in Canada was run by UPSers, but apparently they have a third-party service delivering there. I did get a call yesterday from the UPS store axing for XUP’s phone number, so hopefully she’ll get it after all. Even if the courier keeps it, I found my missing 4th gargoyle after the contest ended, and will ship that (via post office) if needed.

    Random bits of UPS trivia:

    1. Package handlers are called “throwers.”
    2. UPS is the largest shipper of porn in the world.
    3. Tyler Perry, famous writer, was a former UPS supervisor. He quit to pursue his dream.

  12. Hey Brad – I’m starting to think this is going to be a lifelong co-project for us. I called the office last night (the number you emailed me) and talked to some slow-talkin’ southern boy. Gave him all the details I have and he said uh-huh, uh-huh a few times and then said he’d have to call me back in a few minutes. Of course, he never did. So I’m going to call again today and every day until I get that gargoyle and/or you get your money back. I’m pretty good at hounding corporations for stuff. One day I’ll tell you about the great Greyhound caper.

  13. If you call in the morning, you’ll typically get the slow-talkin’ southern woman. She usually seems more responsive. Usually, when you call any business in Atlanta, you’ll get a fast talking New Jersey transplant on the phone. To find a real Southerner is a rarity, and something to be excited about!

    This ordeal has given me more ideas for another UPS column for my blog. I’ll check back for an update after the day job is over…

  14. Damn, I can’t call during the day because I’m at work. I think they’d balk at long distance calls to Atlanta. Maybe if I explained the advantages of responsive slow-talking southern woman as opposed to slow-talking southern hang-up guy??

  15. You said you had a government job. Surely there has to be a way to use your tax money for your own benefit. If you work in a building with multiple floors, go to the floor above/below, look for an empty cube, and make the call from there. That’s what I call a win/win situation.

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