I ♥ James Dyson

It’s true – I’m totally in love with the Dyson vacuum cleaner guy. First, well…have you seen the TV ad? He’s so cute with his little accent and unassuming manner. And, he’s so damn proud of his dual cyclone technology. And he says clever and meaningful things like, “I just think things ought to work properly.”

And then there’s the whole thing about spending 5 years of your life working on something that people are just going to hate anyway, no matter how good it is.  Because, let’s face it, vacuuming has got to be the most onerous household chore there is.  I’d rather do a month’s worth of laundry on rocks in a river than vacuum.

Even if you’ve spent thousands on a high tech machine or central vac system, it’s still makes an annoying sound and you still have to lug awkward bits of paraphernalia around your house, shove furniture around, bend down, reach up, pick things off the floor that the vacuum doesn’t like, stop to pull things out of the vacuum that it shouldn’t have sucked up. And when you’re done, you still find corners you’ve missed.

And things are always breaking or going wrong on vacuums.  Mine’s all held together with duct tape. I haven’t been able to find exactly the right bags for years. It’s not even a vacuum so much as an apparatus that laconically inhales debris with an immoderate sigh.

If my boyfriend James Dyson or someone else clever wanted to really come up with something worthwhile, they might look into the idea of a completely hands-off cleaning system.

I’m thinking maybe some sort of vortex in your home that continually draws in stuff off the floors.  There could be a size and/or weight limit on the stuff it can take, of course. Not only would your floors always be spotless, but it would also force everybody to clean up after themselves or risk losing their stuff forever.

Or maybe a product with which to coat your floors and carpets that would instantly absorb stuff – along the same lines as those eerie Tide-To-Go things that magically disappear stains. I think I would be willing to risk the massive toxins required to create such a product if it meant I never had to vacuum again.

Meanwhile, it’s Saturday and at some point before the end of this day, I have to fire up Old Red and see if we can push some cat hair around.


23 responses to “I ♥ James Dyson

  1. I am seriously laughing out loud at this. First VD’O and now the Dyson guy?! What is it with us? I love him too and do not know how my life will ever be complete without a vacuum that pivots on a ball, rather than that silly old axle that forces you to vacuum in straight lines. How archaic!

    Hope you’re having a good weekend!

  2. Good read XUP!

    I am still trying to build a better mouse trap and hadn’t even gotten around to the vacuum yet! haha

    How about those new robotic vacs? Considered those?

  3. Debra – shut UP! That’s amazing. If I stop eating and do without electricity, I could just about afford a Dyson. It will be worth it though, I think.

    Hunter – That’s all I need – a robot spinning around my place devouring stuff. You can stop working on that mousetrap thing and start on the house vortex thing, okay?

  4. You gotta pick up before you vacuum anyway! Plus they make so they dont pick up everything. I dunno juz a thought.
    I am a hunter not a dyson as it appears…..

    get right on that vortex thingy!

  5. “some sort of vortex in your home that continually draws in stuff off the floors. ” oh-oh, my husband. 🙂

    or there’s always the roomba,…would your TV boyfriend front that instead?

  6. Hunter – thanks

    Pearl – Will it shift furniture and get in behind the sofa cushions? Will it get those nasty corners under the bed and behind the toilet? I don’t think so. Robots are all very interesting, but they don’t half cut it.

  7. But do you do that every time? the sofa cushions etc. It is only intended for the high traffic areas.

    Never had one; and unless they do more than I can see, will probably never get one. But I haven’t wrote them off yet.

    It is Father’s Day tomorrow and I would settle for one.
    I could say I had ‘a mother of a father’s day’ and leave it at that!

    oh yeah let me get back to the vortex thingy….excuse me.

  8. I think he’s cute too. And I covet a dyson vacuum. I don’t mind vacuuming so much — I hate folding and putting away laundry. That’s why there’s a pile of clean but wrinked laundry on top of my dryer. Maybe I could vacuum your place if you folded and put away my laundry?

    Got your comment too late yesterday to purchase a red carnation. Kept a lookout for someone resembling your avatar picture, but no one seemed to be drawn in pencil.

  9. LOL. I thought he was cute too. I thought it was just me. 🙂

    And I thought I was the only person who hated vacuuming. That’s why God created beige carpets. *heh* The problem is, once I vacuum one spot, it shows all the other places that need vacuuming.

    I have a silly question (SQ). Why is Word Press better than Blogger? So many people are switching. Is there an advantage? I notice folks’ pictures don’t post, though.

  10. “Or maybe a product with which to coat your floors and carpets that would instantly absorb stuff”
    …However, those with small children might be horrified to find a child missing – if the product was a little ‘too’ absorbent.

    I don’t hate vacuuming. I have an old Kirby (which looks 25 years older than it actually is), and it does the job quite nicely.

    However, my favourite factoid about the necessities of vacuuming is this:
    80% of the dust in your home? …dead skin.

    Have a nice day.

  11. I suspect this all has more to do with lust for Mr Dyson than lust for picking up dust. I took the opportunity however to read every epitaphs written in Canada in the last 100 yrs and in not a single one did anyone say they desired to have spent more time vacuuming.

    Enjoy our dustiness and vacuum only on orders from the health dept. It’s the green thing to do.

  12. I want one of those roombas but they still make noise! Thats what I hate about vacuuming, the noise.

    Right now I rely much too heavily on the woofba. It is in some ways the best vacuum ever because it has a wet scrubber attached to its nose and will clean up day old pasta sauce splatters on the hardwood as well as cleaning up all the cereal under the table. Very important with a crawling baby. In other ways it is the worst vacuum cleaner in the world because it leaves huge clumps of hair everywhere when it sheds twice a year and no matter what I do it will not suck that shit up!.

  13. Hunter – Yes, I DO vacuum the sofa cushions and under the furniture every time. Keep up the good work on the vortex.

    Alison – You’re on. I kind of enjoy laundry folding and ironing. Too bad I missed you at Wetfest.

    Josie – Dyson guy has obviously made quite an impression on the vacuum buying public. Very interesting marketing ploy. WordPress: you can do more stuff with it, I understand it’s more reliable, easier to work with. Seems like only the pics of other WordPress people show up. I don’t like that either. I will have to look into it.

    Bob – He doesn’t need one when he has that dual cyclonic technology thing going on.

    JB – Yes, thank you for that skin fact. People are forever trying to gross us out with our own skin as it accumulates around our homes, in our beds, on our pillows — then of course the dust mites follow and the dust mite poop. It makes everyone itchy and they run out and buy new beds and protective coverings and supersonic vacuums and stuff.

    Bandobras – Did anyone say anything about lust in this post? Did they? Huh? I thought not, you old perv.

    Mudmamma – Ha ha. It’s very early and it took me a moment to get that — woofba! You can’t get the crawling baby to take care of the clumps of hair? Left to their own devices, I find babies will often eat almost anything.

  14. I have a Dyson, the upright model. And the thing does suck it in to an amazing degree. I’ve never seen a better vaccuum cleaner.

    Problem is, it weighs a ton and it won’t go under furniture. So not only do you have to lug the thing around, you also have to move the furniture to vaccuum.

    It’s a love hate relationship.

  15. Jazz – Wow, you’re my new hero. You actually own a Dyson! I’m very disappointed to hear that it has flaws, though — and not going under furniture and weighing a ton are some mighty big flaws.

  16. The baby is more like a damp dust mop, the fuzz sticks to him and I can then peel off clumps and throw them in the compost. Unfortunately pushing him about where I need the dustbunnies collected isn’t easy, he makes a lot of noise too.

  17. An upright Dyson, eh?
    Should I make a smartass comment about that?
    Nah! Too easy. But feel free to pick up on it, JB.
    (“pick up on it” — get it?)

  18. Whenever I see the Dyson Guy I always think of Dean Kamen, the guy who invented the Segway… when the Segway was released a lot of very smart people said it would revolutionize travel and cities would have to be redesigned or designed specifically for the Segway. Six years later and it still looks goofy, but it took genius to create it. The “Dyson Ball” is just a super-suction vacuum attached to a ball… but it’s definitely genius.

    WordPress photos: only people signed into their WordPress or Gravatar.com account will have their avatars appear on a WP blog. Gravatar (owned by WP) can be a little glitchy sometimes so it’s hit and miss.

    WP v. Blogger: the 30+ theme’s look great, the stats pages and behind the scenes stuff is easy, and the support staff at WP actually respond. And, if you find some WP blogger stealing your work, you can get their blog taken down in a day. Blogger’s TOS doesn’t even ban plagiarism.

  19. Mudmamma – Ah yes, I see your point. Babies tend to be a lot louder than conventional vacuum cleaners.

    Bob – Oh Bob! Bob, Bob, Bob

    Gabriel – The Segway has a certain niche market. In Halifax they’re all over the boardwalk/tourist area as the tourism staff make their way from site to site in an among the throngs. It’s probably being used in similar ways in other cities. I’m always amazed at the stuff people come up with. I love to watch Dragon’s Den because sometimes someone has something really cool.

    And thanks for the info on WordPress.

  20. those are some great ideas. im all for the vortex floors. Speedy would have no choice but to keep her room clean.

    i love that guy also. but dont worry i wont steal your boyfriend.

  21. Wanna know why he’s on my fantasy boyfriend side of the fridge? I’ve got 2 (Dysons, far more pix of faux BFs) and the machines rule. They far exceed other high end vacuums. Miele, Electolux, the ones for dog hair? Horse puckey! And he’s a lord, Sir James, a billionaire by report, an art student who succeeded where engineers have failed, and an age-appropriate WASP cutie. I’d throw him in the boot, if my 11 y.o. VW had one. Maybe you need an 11 y.o. car and no cell phone to afford a Dyson….