I think my neighbors are in witness protection

She and her 3 teenagers moved into a modest bungalow around the end of February. They say they’re from Vancouver and moved here because the oldest son, “Tyler” is going to Carleton in September and because they’re tired of the rain in Vancouver. But they have American accents.

The other two kids, “Emma” and “Max” attend a local high school. The mother, “Rae Presley” doesn’t have a job.[1]

They seem like nice, ordinary people. I’ve been over for tea a couple of times and Rae has been over to my place a couple of times. I haven’t been able to convince her to go anywhere else. She says that other than the grocery store, she pretty much stays home.

When I casually asked if that was an American accent I detected, Rae said, “No”. Just like that.

One day when I was there, Max called his older brother, Kevin.

One day Rae was telling me something about her daughter and called her Brianne. “Who’s Brianne?” I asked. “Oh,” she stammered. “What? Um…Brianne is Emma’s middle name – sometimes I call her that…I should stop…she doesn’t like it.”


Everything in their house is new. Everything. They have no old knickknacks or bits of furniture or even dishes. All brand spankin’ new.

They have a lot of locks on their doors and windows; an alarm system and an elaborate spy-hole in their front door that lets them see the sides of the house, a big expanse of the front yard and whether or not someone is crouching behind the door. It always takes them a really long time to answer.

Rae has offered to cat sit for me next time we go away.
[1] All names have been changed to protect everyone, just in case.

PS: I’ve been having huge difficulties with stupid Googleblogger. Is it just me?


13 responses to “I think my neighbors are in witness protection

  1. Hmmm…you may be on to something there! Can you imagine what Witness Protection would be like!? That would be so HARD to just start a new life somewhere.

    In the meantime, if any unmarked packages accidentally get delivered to your house, do NOT handle them yourself. 😉

  2. Ditto what everyone else said. That screams witness protection.

    And, yes, your life is such a great read.

    Maybe Rae was sent to retrieve all those diamond rings you’ve got stashed. She’s backed by the Diamond Mafia…kiss the rock.

    ::taking my unfunny self to bed now::

  3. Maybe they’re spies! Well, maybe not the kids. Or maybe the kids are too! SkyKids… and SpyMom. Damn… I can’t wait to see what happens next!

    When I move to Ottawa I want people like THAT living next to me.

  4. There are organizations that help victims of domestic violence and serious custody battles – say one parent is a known molester but family court doesn’t have any problem with them seeing the kids…other extreme cases. Things that aren’t being handled well legally and the victims are in jeopardy.

    Could be something on that order.

  5. By the way, Blogger is working fine for me, but statcounter disappeared today.

    That’s why I use two different programs. Usually it’s sitemeter that’s acting up.

  6. Becky – Ya, actually I did think of that – more so than the witness protection thing. And don’t worry, I really have disguised a lot of information about them so they wouldn’t be recognizable … just in case. (and thanks for the google info.)

  7. I don’t think witness protection moves you to a whole new country do they?

    Maybe she left a creepy ex and kidnapped the kids?

  8. Hmmmm, it’s been a year. Did you figure it out? Witness protection exists but, IME, it’s usually a bit more, um, subtle. There are lots of other reasons people take on new lives.

    Just curious.