Down There

Disclaimer: Anyone easily offended by harsh reality, should probably not read this blog today. There will be mention of body parts and bodily functions some of which may or may not be related to sexual activity.

Vaginal Relaxation.

I know!!! Not only are people finally talking seriously about this horrible, horrible affliction, but some people are actually doing something about it!

As any woman  who is over 20; or who has birthed dozens of children; or who has engaged in many, many, many sexual liaisons with stallion-like male partners knows — the old cootchie isn’t as snug and springy as it used to be.

What to do?

Kegels? Ya, they’re fine up to a point, but they just don’t really restore your fur-burger to its former glory.

Surgery?  Yes, Vaginal Rejuvenation surgeries (vaginoplasties) are pretty good, but they can cost up to $8,000 depending on exactly how relaxed the kuder in question is. And, as with any surgery, there are possible complications. Such as:

  • Blood Clots which could lead to heart attack, stroke or paralysis
  • Severed Nerve during surgery – oops
  • Necrosis – death of vaginal tissue from being cut off from its blood supply
  • Blood Loss – massive hemorrhaging can occur after surgery
  • Infection
  • Fistula – Another ooops when a nick is made between the wall of the colon and the wall of the vagina
  • Death

Thank goodness someone has come up with a cheaper and safer way to perk up the pink taco.

pk24 – “Feminine Sexual Esteem” …  the first and only clinically tested, vaginal rejuvenation cream.

I really, really wish I was making this stuff up, but, sadly, I’m not.

pk24 is a liquid one applies to the relaxed poonani prior to intercourse in order to instantly tighten it up to the size of a drinking straw – and not the fat bendy milkshake drinking straws either! No siree.  We’re talking tiny, tight rigid drinking straws.

pk24 contains a blend of aloe, which is just a moisturizer;  sucralose for “flavour”; and potassium alum which is an astringent used in deodorants and hemorrhoid creams. (Yum! Tight, tasty and fragrant!)

And it retails for only $60 for a one ounce bottle!

The nice folks over at pk24 wonderland promise it will provide women with a “renewed sense of sexual confidence and empowerment”.  Well, who doesn’t want that, right? Why crawl around with your saggy old woojit flapping between your legs when 60 bucks can change your entire life!

On the other hand, why not invent a cream that will just significantly expand the length and breadth of your partner’s ding-dong instead? Wouldn’t that make everybody a whole lot happier than just temporarily unrelaxing the buju?

‘Cuz really, as columnist Josey Vogel says, “after a lifetime of gynecological concerns, childbirth and everything else our vaginas go through, don’t they deserve to relax a little?”