Killer Whale: I know I shouldn’t be amused by someone dying, but you’ve got this “killer” whale (named Tilly) who’s already “killed” two people before at other aquariums and then gets confine to yet another swimming pool and is forced her to learn stupid tricks in order to amuse people and make lots of money for Seaworld and then everyone is shocked (the crowd, reportedly, gasped) when she kills her trainer?
Why don’t we leave these animals in the ocean where they belong? No Killer Whale has ever killed a human in the wild. It is really important to anyone’s life to watch a captive whale bounce a beachball on his or her nose? Okay, so this one turned out not to be so funny after all.
See how happy and unkilly they are in the ocean?
Mel Gibson: He’s been making me laugh for a long time in an “why are people still paying money to watch this guy” way. Now we get to laugh even more because he’s written some poems which are being set to music for his girlfriend’s latest CD. Mel says:
I always felt the poetic urge coming, so I’ve been providing lyrics and stuff for a few of her songs. I’ve been writing poetry and stuff since I was a teenager. Didn’t want to admit that to my friends.
And by “poetic urge” I think Mel means “insane racist rant”. I don’t know what he means by “and stuff”. Maybe that’s just an example of the poet in him talking.
Maxime Bernier: Former Conservative cabinet ministers are almost as hilarious as current conservative cabinet ministers and former and current prime ministers. Bernier issued this statement the other day:
The Conservative government would be irresponsible to spend billions of dollars to reduce greenhouse gas emissions given the contradictory science available.
Bloc Québécois Leader Gilles Duceppe said, ” Mr. Bernier’s expertise lies more in Jos Louis than climate change.” Sounds like some sort of inside joke. I wish he’d explained the inside joke, because it’s probably pretty funny. Here’s a Jos Louis for those who may not know:
Wieners: Turns out wieners aren’t as funny as we thought they were. As Lebowski mentioned in a comment last week, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) wants manufacturers to redesign hotdogs so that they stop killing our children. Apparently, wieners kill 1.6 children a year in the US. That’s only the ones killed from choking on wieners and doesn’t include the ones killed by the sodium nitrates and/or internal beak lacerations.
Other killer items the AAP is looking at changing are: hard candy, nuts, grapes, popcorn, marshmallows, peanut butter, chewing gum and raw carrots.
Seriously. That’s what they said.
Oprah: I know, I know – it’s really old and boring to mock Oprah, but it’s just so damn easy. Now Oprah is auctioning off her clothes, purses and shoes. The online auction will run from March 1st - March 11th on this eBay site.
How awesome would it be to be able to wrap up in an old bathrobe that actually enveloped Oprah’s wet, naked flesh?