Does every year in a cat’s life equal seven years like it does for dogs? Because I reckon in another six years, Bazel and I are going to be close to the same age. And then that would be a good time to turn him human. And we could get married.
Bazel would make an excellent husband because:
a) He’s got really good hair
b) He’s very clean and well-groomed. Grooming and cleaning himself is in fact one of his favorite past-times
c) He’s very handsome, suave and debonair
d) He always takes his time to make sure all his business is completely covered up in the litter box, so I reckon he’d never leave the toilet seat up and would always remember to flush
e) I’m his favorite person in the whole wide world (though he’s always happy to meet and spend time with my friends)
f) He’s an excellent listener and only interrupts me occasionally to ask a question or two to help clarify the issue in his mind
g) He’s not needy, very independent and seems quite happy with his life
h) He’s very tenacious and will focus on a project completely and for hours at a time until he achieves success
That’s all very well and good, you might be thinking to yourself, but how am I going to turn a cat into a human? Well, I discovered this thing on the internet called The Human Race Machine. I’m sure with a little tweaking I could get it to transform animals into humans. Anyway, I have six years to work on this so I’m not worried. Plus, there are many incidents of “shape-shifting” in folklore, mythology, history and fiction so we know it’s entirely possible (e.g.: Frog Prince, Leda/Swan, Beauty & the Beast, Harry Potter)
There would, however, be a few drawbacks to having Bazel for a husband:
a) He’s been neutered
b) He bites; and not in a good way
c) He has an obsessive interest in birds
d) He eats bugs
e) He sleeps and awful lot
f) He’s been neutered
Anyway, this is what I think he might look like as a human. Can you see the resemblance?
