I get a kick out of reading the daily search engine terms list for my blog. I picture these poor lost people desperately trying to find information on odd or important topics and ending up on my blog. What ever do they do next?
Well, I got a very nice email from an American doctor the other day who was doing some unspecified research and suddenly found himself on my blog. He said he spent the next 2 hours reading it instead of getting on with his work. I’m proud to say that somewhere in the US a patient is getting less than excellent treatment today because of me.
To make restitution, I thought I’d help to redirect or answer the burning questions of some of my search engine friends right here and now to save them a lot of unnecessary googling.
- blog female [this has brought people to my blog 202 times to date. so many people with no real idea what they're looking for]
- how do I know if my helmet is too tight [the fact that you're googling this instead of loosening your helmet answers the question]
- “threw * down my shirt” [mysterious. I would suggest taking off the shirt and shaking out whatever was thrown down there]
- cucumber sizing [a fledgling farmer no doubt]
- long-term adultery [I don't recommend it and if you're looking it up it's probably not working for you]
- what is the white stuff attached to a fresh egg [this blog will actually answer that question. See panther’s perky boobs
- grandy’s scrambled egg recipe
- tania naked
- Megan drifts into a deep sleep, I slip in…
- Brad Brown artist fall 2008
- Lebowski sweater vest
Stumble It!
Lop sided boobs! Although, I did have a male (and not the Lion) tell me the other day that they are perky. *chuckle*
The “Lebowski” sweater vest cannot be purchased.
It is meticulously grown and groomed on a daily basis by its owner.
How does one get such search information?
Oh man, I get some of teh best search terms, too. lately, I’m getting a lot for Oprah’s cleanse.
UP – Hey, I didn’t make up the search terms, this is what the public wants to know!! I’d take perky if I were you. It sounds a lot hotter than lop-sided.
Lebowski – I’m intrigued that people are interested in it.
Kitty – WordPress gives you all that exciting information on your stats page — you can see where your hits are coming from, how many, most popular posts, search terms that brought people to your blog and a whole host of other exciting information. I don’t remember blogger giving you diddly. Switch to our side, kitty – it’s fun, dangerous and exciting.
Linsey – I’d be real interested to hear one or two or your personal favorites.
Yeah, when I’m too lazy to actually write a blog entry, I’ll instead check out my Google Analytics account and get a kick out of what weird things people search for to get to my blog (“fucking bicycle” is one that sticks in my mind…)
- RG>
Interesting!
I do hope it wasn’t MY doctor!
I get a lot of ‘Geordie sayings’ and once in awhile an ‘addicted to weed’.
Gee…, I never get many (any) weird search results.
I guess I’ll just have to get out of my comfort zone more.
Yours are funny, though.
I like to think that Google knows more about us than we know ourselves, and Google knows who your REAL friends are.
Is it inappropriate slash embarrassing to say I finally saw The Big Lebowski for the first time last week? Outdoors, with an awesome screen and an awesome audio?
I’m with Deb — Google’s like the world’s biggest Ouija Board.
the helmet LOL love it.
blogger should do these things.. *shakes fist int he air* damn you blogger!
I love perusing my Google Analytics stuff too! Fun stuff. Creepy at times…but fun.
I love checking the search terms. I get the most hits from a post I wrote on Billy Bob Thornton of all things. Oh and Tina Fey’s glasses.
Here are a few favorites from this month:
smell old door handles
im not gonna leave you no ones perfect
car smell old woman
squirrel pee pic
broom handle in asshole
my shit has been green for three days
john tesh bare chested
my most oft research term is for “old mommies” methinks that there is a fetish market waiting to be tapped into!
haha i just read Linsey’s comment: “John Tesh bare chested”! wow, there really is someone for everyone.
RealGrouchy – Are you calling me lazy?? Fucking bicylce is an interesting one. I wonder if there’s a porn market for that
Helen – I think he was in Maryland. Are you in Maryland?
Mike – I’m not sure how some of these land on my blog. I can’t remember every writing anything about most of that stuff.
Deb – Google is the Big Brother we all feared in 1984 and embrace in 2008
Ellie – Not embarassing or inappropriate. I didn’t even know such a thing existed until yesterday.
Jobthingy – Instead of damning blogger, why not switch to WordPress? It’s ever so much more fun.
CP – How do you access google analytics? I think some people (like Mr. Kitty) would like to know
Debra – For the longest time I was getting searches for a post I did about that local pedophile. They searched him by name and by location – day after day after day after day. I was starting to get a little worried, but it’s stopped now.
Linsey – Broom handle in asshole? And I thought the guy with the too tight helmet was a retard for turning to google instead of loosening his helmet
Meanie – You could make a bundle – quit your job and stay home posting photos and provocative stories of old mommies. It would be fun and you’d have a relatively harmless client base — except for the Norman Bates
Ellie – if you really enjoyed the movie then maybe you’ll also enjoy the convention?
http://lebowskifest.com/
Looking at my most popular search terms for this month, it appears that I write about women too much (or else my site appeals to dirty old men):
Sarah Palin
sarah larson
laura croft
LILLY TOMLIN
sexy high school girls [I get at least 5 hits a day on this]
Holly Hunter
world’s fattest woman
To use Google Analytics, you sign up for free at
http://www.google.com/analytics. You install their software on your blog, and then it transmits information to you.
(It’s really easy if you sign up for a free gmail account…)
Google is taking over the world (not that that’s a bad thing), and everything they can tell you about your site is really cool…in a creepy ‘big brother’ kinda way.
CP – Thanks, I passed it on to Kitty in case he hasn’t read this far.
those are hilarious! i love the search feature thing, it’s always a blast
as for that doctor, i have a bad feeling it was my doctor.
Don’t ask me why, but there are an awful lot of Russian porn stars with my name … I have not been, nor will I ever be, a porn star or naked on the Internet in any capacity. LOL! ;P
DP – OOooOOoo, I’m sorry about your doctor — he’s got pretty good taste in blogs, though, don’t you think? Ha ha
Tania – Sure, blame it on foreign porn stars.
Rats! My secret is out! LOL!
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