7 Reasons Why Men Don’t Oogle Older Women

As a spin-off to yesterday’s post that included a reference to the “invisible middle-aged woman,” I figured out reasons why we old broads disappear off the male radar screen. Interestingly, I don’t think it has much to do with the way we look.  Yes, we may not be as firm and perky as our younger sisters, but we’re certainly not so hideous that people need to avert their eyes. There are many, many very beautiful older women. So, there must be other reasons why men try to pretend we don’t exist.

  1. They know older women are on to them. Older women have heard all their lines and lies and boasts and excuses. They know if they make eye contact with an older woman, they risk full exposure. So they ply their wily ways on younger women who believe them when they say, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else,” or, “I’ve been celibate since my wife died.”
  2. They think if they strut around with a young woman, it makes them look young and virile, too. Because two middle-aged people together look like grandparents, right?  But an older guy with a hot young thing looks like he’s still got it and/or has a lot of money.
  3. Sex with a younger woman is easier because they have fewer expectations. They’re flattered when he says, “Uh, sorry, babe. It’s just that you’re so damn exciting, I couldn’t help myself.” And they think it’s really romantic when an hour later he’s still saying, “Let’s just hold each other tonight.”
  4. Dating younger women consists of calling them whenever he feels like it and picking her up for a dinner in cheap restaurants, hitting a club now and then, or maybe a bit of browsing at the mall. Dating older women is really complicated. They have kids and dogs and homes of their own and important jobs that take a lot of time and energy. Dates with older women might involve having to cook for them, helping them in the garden, or joining her in her new rock-climbing hobby.
  5. The boyfriend is the centre of a young woman’s universe. Men generally enjoy this position. Older women know they can live quite happily without the boyfriend. He’s only welcome as long as he adds something positive to the life she already has. This is a very precarious and uncomfortable position for a man to be in.
  6. Dating younger women means the man gets to meet her friends, which means meeting more younger women. Dating older women means the man just meets a lot more older women.
  7. Breaking up with a younger woman is easy. The man just makes up some story about being recalled to his Foreign Legion duties or having to go back to his ex-wife to take care of her because she’s dying or something. The young woman will cry a lot and then move on. With an older woman, chances are it will be the man who gets dumped first. But, if not, the man has to extricate himself from the relationship with care. The older woman has had many years to hone and practice her revenge skills.
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27 responses to “7 Reasons Why Men Don’t Oogle Older Women

  1. So in a way, you’re saying that being with an older woman is like being Clark Kent while being with a younger woman means he can pretend he’s SuperMan?

    Ugh. Something to look forward to … ;S

  2. Interesting. My lifelong field research has yielded dramatically different results than yours.

    What age combo do you think works best? People the same age? Older woman, younger man?

  3. So lets see 1/ You’re on to our lines so we can’t fool you
    4/ I might have to work if I go out with you.
    5/ I’m only welcome if I can add something to your life.
    6/ I’ll only get to meet other old women.
    7/ If I break up first I have to worry about revenge.

    Gosh you make it sound so interesting and fun I don’t know why all men aren’t lining up to date older women.

  4. I beg to differ. I ogle older women but I don’t ever hit on them. I appreciate female beauty at any age.

  5. Ha! My husband (who is 15 years older than me BTW) and I were talking about this the other night, actually. He has a friend who is dating a woman 25 years younger. Ugh. He’s 50-ish and she’s barely 25 and looking for a sugar daddy.

    I do think it depends on the age of both people. I met my husband when I was in my late 20s. I had a long-term relationship behind me, and was firmly established in my career. I was making my own way in the world. I was not a pushover and I did not make him the center of my universe. That, I think, was probably the biggest turn on for him!

    However, I think that even if the age difference was the same and I was even just a few years younger, it would’ve upped the Ick Factor.

  6. First flaw in ALL of your suppositions: “older” is a very relative term. That could be the only flaw, but it casts everything you state into the realm of reasonable doubt.

    And, there are many beautiful “older” women. Exhibit #1, Your Honour: Sophia Loren. Classic beauty, obviously never had any “enhancement procedures” and is still stunningly beautiful, well into her 70s.

    Exhibit #2: Raquel Welch.

    My best friend’s Mom is 77 years old and was always a very nice-looking woman. She has made it through several health problems, and still carries herself with a down-to-earth class that makes her a beautiful person inside and out.

  7. Your post about Montreal yesterday mentioned that Montrealers seemed more vivacious than others: they talk more, they dress better, and they seem more romantic.

    Perhaps older women (and older men, for that matter) stop doing those things because they’re coasting on their youthful accomplishments – they’ve found a mate and friends, so they don’t bother going through the effort.

  8. Jazz – Ya think?

    Tania – Interesting analogy

    Jobthingy – Uh oh.

    Zoom – Please post your field research. This was just some crap I pulled out of my ass – all very tongue-in-cheek (okay, bad combination of expressions). But really, I think people of a similar age and background generally must be more compatible given that they’re coming from similar frames of reference. But then again a lot of different combos can work depending on the people involved.

    Bandobras – See, I told you. We’re no fun at all. Avert your eyes.

    Dr. Monkey – Good for you and like I said yesterday, it’s nice to be appreciated once in a while

    Mo – Thanks for your first-hand account. You know I was just kind of goofing around with this, right? I don’t actually believe men are all this insecure.

    Bob – You’re absolutely right. I never for one moment said older women weren’t beautiful. And “older” is a relative term and my entire post SHOULD be called into question. It was supposed to be satirical like I told Mo above. That being said, I think your mom’s best friend is one of those “out of bounds” things — no matter how lovely she is.

    Erigami – You could have a point there. Maybe neither sex is making much of an effort anymore in the romance department?

  9. Ewww! I didn’t mean that I’m attracted to Best Friend’s Mom. She’s like a second Mom to me. I was just saying that despite her age and all the challenges she’s battled (including being widowed at 44 with five kids still at home), she’s still a very classy lady.

  10. Bandobras is funny. I don’t know what to say about this. He certainly has a point. My husband is 6 years younger than me so… Also when I was in Vancouver a 24 year old boy that had stepped out of a bar to have a smoke with me tried to make out with me. It was gross and creepy but oddly flattering. He’s my daughter’s age!

  11. Hmmmm…to be honest, now that I’m in my 40s I find myself looking at younger men, not men my age or older. Let’s face it. They have all their hair, their stomachs are generally flat, they have pecs and biceps. A man my age, or older, needs to be quite dashing to catch my attention. Hey, I’m just being honest here! So, for a man my age to oogle women younger is quite understandable. As for dating, I did date a few younger men before I met the Lion. As much as 15 years younger. Oh, they were fun for a laugh and a romp, but I knew that was exactly what it was, and I made it clear to them too. For the long haul, I wanted someone around my age (the Lion is 2 years younger) who has the experience and confidence to look me in the eyes and match wits with me. The men I know who have dated younger women have remarked that after the laugh and romp was over, they found the relationship lacking. They too wanted someone their own age.

  12. Right on, sister! I do think I woman who is older (and being just under 40 in my book means I’m even including myself as I’m not a broad in her 20’s and haven’t been for a long time) just requires a man bring more to the table. Any old lame “game” crap just isn’t gonna cut it. I also think it’s possible that older women may be oogled more than they realize…it’s just that they aren’t looking for it the way maybe a younger woman would. An older woman is established within herself. She doesn’t need the validation of the scope. Who cares?

    As much as I bitch and moan about the various physical changes happening to me as I age, I love who I’m becoming on the inside and wouldn’t go back to my younger self for all the firm, wrinkle-free skin in the world!

  13. XUP, I totally know you were joking around with this. I don’t take the whole age thing that seriously!

    Besides, I’m now officially an “older woman” now! (I’m just not older than him!)

  14. Geewits – Just have a chuckle. Nothing more is expected. And, yes, Bandobras is very funny. You’re obviously hot stuff. Also, Canadians are suckers for southern accents or English, Scottish or Irish accents. Or French accents or Spanish.

    UP – Looking is one thing. But if you’ve ever perused the singles websites or ads or anything like that you’ll notice that most of the men are looking for women no older than 35 — even guys in their 60s. As you say, it’s all fun and games until the lights go on.

    Lesley – Agree completely. And you may have something there about older women just not noticing — although it was very noticable in Montreal when men were oogling.. I’d say maybe I was just being more observant since it was a different place, but women who live there say the same thing. We’ll have to ask some man who’s looking for a young chick to see if he can come up with a reason other than — d’uh…look at her!!

    Mo – Phew! I guess if he’s sticking around even when you’re not a nubile young thing anymore then he must actually be interested in you as a person!

    Grandy – Thanks

  15. I would just like to go on record that although I am indeed funny I have ogled and will ogle XUP again, any chance I get. She is a truly beautiful woman in mind spirit and body.

  16. personally, i think you should take this show on the road. even IF you pulled it out of your nether regions. i’m certain you will find your audience on an oprah show :)

    very cute post, and as is most often with sarcasm many very true points you made :)

  17. Bandobras – Good one!! You really are hilarious!!

    DP – Hi! Nice to see a new beaming face. First rule of this blog though is never mention Oprah except in extremely disparaging terms.

  18. Great post XUP.

    However, I dont agree with number 3.
    It may be more of an ego trip for us mansters, but older women has done and has seen it all. It is more about pleasure and less about emotions. I didnt say there wasnt emotions (or ego for that matter) but lessor of them present when in the presence of an older woman. But I am an older man, so my perspective is probably a skew.

    Again very good post!

  19. Basic human sexual fundamentals.

    Males seek females who:

    1: Are youthful in order to get the most possible offspring.
    2: have larger hips and large breast. (more likely to able to bear and feed the most children)
    3: have good physical and facial geometry. (Indicates physically healthy, balanced children)
    4: have a healthy look. (no pimples, no bad smell indicating illness or incompatibility, ect…).

    Females seek Males who:

    1: Are relatively older than them (For protection, stability (The older the male the more battle experienced therefore there is less chance of losing the male due to battle injuries or death))
    2: appear strong, (Appearing strong is more important than being strong, less challenges from other males or animals.)
    3: have good physical and facial geometry. (Indicates physically healthy, balanced children)
    4: have a healthy look. (no pimples, no bad smell indicating illness or incompatibility, ect…).

    Most people may look at “xup’s” post and judge it as a dark or pessimistic point of view, its neither.
    A person who is selfless may need to adopt some of these points of view and others may need to omit much or all.

    “There cannot be light without darkness nor can there be darkness without light”

    Society’s awareness is growing; though still much to be learned. In order to be selfless one must learn to be selfish first, knowing our omega point (point of self balance or the end or beginning on one’s self) is what is relevant.

    Older, younger, same age, In essence is completely irrelevant.

    Self love, honesty, and understanding of one’s self is of most importants, then and only then can one make the right choice for one’s self and others.

    Ps, Don’t mind me, I am in a philosophical kind of mode today.

  20. OK, I get your perspective. But put yourself in the man’s position. By your own words, the younger ones are more trusting, less demanding, and less complicated. Most importantly of all, they make the man feel like the center of their universe. That is irresistible. The love of a young woman is a precious thing. Being with an older woman is more pragmatic companionship than fiery love.
    What would you expect a reasonable person to choose in this situation?